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Was I right in refusing a one-night-stand? [closed]

asked Mar 12, 2014 in Questions by PTP (525 points)
closed Apr 7, 2014 by Invincible

I have this friend of mine who is in the same class(12th grade) as me and we have known each other for one year now. She has rocking hot body. Actually we were best friends and we shared everything and talked about every damn thing. It didn't take me long to realize that she was somewhat different. I mean you won't find a girl with such a high sex drive as her in Kolkata. We were very dependent and we helped each other with everything-from integrations in maths to conversions in organic chemistry. I eventually fell in love with her, not because of her body and perversion, but for what she was from inside (which I later found out to be fake). There was no approval, but not a rejection either. I don't know why but she's the one who actually planned our marriage. I repeat, there was no steady approval to my proposal.

Apart from studies, we talked about sex and masturbation a lot. We were total perverts. We watched porn a lot, mainly when she was on her periods. She loves gangbang (where there's one girl and four-five guys) and hardcore videos. She told me how she always fantasized of getting brutally fucked by a number of guys and she used to masturbate to that. This was horrifying. She actually wanted to get raped? We used to masturbate and text each other. One evening we were watching porn on our evening walk. She let me touch her private parts (over her clothes, of course). I really respected her body but it was hard to control too. I did touch her bosoms and crotch. She touched my tool over my pant but we didn't go farther though it was a quiet place. That night she asked a picture of my penis. Watching porn is something but sending pics is something else (she wasn't ready to send hers though)?  I asked her once more if she loved me. She didn't answer. I diverted her request by sending a few porn videos. A few days later she asked for a one-night-stand. Call me back dated but I wanted to stay pure before marriage. I wanted commitment first. But she refused. I refused to have sex or send pics.

From then our friendship started fading away. It happened so rapidly that I didn't have time to think of anything. I kind of feel stupid now, how I fell for her even after knowing that she has had four physical relationships in the past. I really loved the bonding we shared. We were there for each other on any matter. She actually shattered me into pieces and now I can't seem to trust any girl. I have learnt enough from her and I have moved on. But I don't think I'll ever be able to fall for a girl again. This seems like the end.

I heard she's with a guy now and they've had sex too. I don't care honestly. I am proud of myself that I've not lost my virginity to her. Did I do wrong?

closed with the note: Old enough to close, doesn't need new answers.
featued question
commented Mar 14, 2014 by blindMan (1,035 points)
Once you have gone through with a decision, no point turning it over in your head, after.  Never look back in doubt. You might end up hesitant to take decisions in future.   

Just be  aware that you took a stand and stuck with it. Right or wrong is not relevant at this point.
commented Mar 14, 2014 by PTP (525 points)
First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. Really appreciated. As I said I really don't regret. To me sex without love is like porn. :-)

4 Answers

0 like 0 dislike

From what you said, she never was in this relationship with you, the way you were. She neither loved you nor valued your friendship to respect your thoughts, so as much as it is tough for you to cope up with this break-up, I suggest you forget her completely because she isn’t worth your time. You needn’t think about the good friendship you had with her, because right from the beginning she was after one thing and when it was clear that she couldn’t get what she wanted, she left you in search of another guy.

Now you need not worry about all girls being this way, because it’s not for you to judge all girls just by having a single encounter with a girl. As of now, forget these incidents and concentrate on your career which is important. Teenage infatuation, love or whatever you name it are common in these days and they usually take a ugly turn because either of the partners tend to be immature, so don’t take think about it too much.

I believe in living life without any regrets and I guess you don’t have any regrets from this relationship, so quit thinking about it. Would you have been happy to lose your virginity to a woman who’d dump you later for another guy or would you rather stay virgin waiting for the right girl? Now, as for finding the right girl, it’d happen slowly, so leave it for time. Good luck.

answered Mar 13, 2014 by Invincible (12,550 points)
0 like 0 dislike
You did nothing wrong if you are okay with her new relationship with other guy and it would not affect you then you are right on your decision. What actually happened in such cases we could not digest the fact of our girl’s relationship with other boy and that to sexually but you seems to be all right so nothing to worry and moreover you moved on in your life.

If you ask my opinion then I would like to tell, you missed the opportunity to fuck a hot girl. If you had accepted her proposal of having sex with her than you would get tremendous pleasant sex from her as she was quite modern in sex and it is very hard to find a girl like her but there is nothing to worry as that was against your principle so you rejected her proposal.

You are talking about that you will not trust any other girl after this episode but in this connection I would like to tell you that time will take care of your thinking. Whenever you will find your dream girl your trust will be regained and start a new life with full of phase so there is no need to worry as of now. Enjoy your life with fullest and never regret that you did not accept her proposal and even do not try to analyze your decision as some decision does not need introspect.

Do not think about her present relations as she has right to enjoy her life as she likes and you cannot control over her decision or that is none of your business. You need to concentrate on your career, as this is your time to make your career rather than thinking about such mischief things. Move in your life and let her enjoy her life as she wishes that is good for both of you.
answered Mar 13, 2014 by alpesh kapdi (27,355 points)
1 like 0 dislike
You both wanted different things from life. That is pretty fine. It's good that you stood by what you think is good for you. More so, because it keeps you happy today. But my dear, you ought not be judgemental. She didn't fake with you. She has had different choices. Right? Just because she is vastly different from us does not call for value judgement and apathy. I am sure boys are mostly like that. High on sex and sexual fantasies. We don't mind that because that is a vogue. But we can't digest a girl with high sexual energy,a girl who demands what she desires. Let's be man enough and respect her for what she is. I tend to be a bit biased towards girls because even in the present times, their  period of 'joys and freaking outs' has a very low shelf life. Once they get married, they lose independence.
You be aligned to your thought process, and let her have hers. Difference of opinion should not graduate into difference in minds. Live and let live. Always speak good of her. If she is not good enough for that, atleast you are.
answered Mar 13, 2014 by gigs4r (1,435 points)
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Dear PTP,

   No you didn't do anything wrong. Dude its youf first time that you talk so openly with a girl and like her. Its totally normal. You asked her to have relationship but she never responds you. She talks you openly on every issue but she wants to enjoy her life. She is not serious about fhis relationship as you are.

   You mention that you are in love with her but she never loves you. If she loves you same way like you loves her she never dump you. Here you can't blame her that she cheats you because she never gets emotionally attached with you and never tells you about this.

   She just wants pleasure and directly offered you one night stand. She looks no future with you or you can say that she is not worried about your future. she wants just fun frlm you and thats it.

   You wants to be Virgin till your marriage and thats a not a bad thing. You refused her for having sex with her and sending your sex pics thats your choice. Nothing wrong in it. Your consent is not allowing you to do this so you don't do this.

     She comes to you for just having fun and that is sex and when you refused to do sex with her she leaves you and built a new relationship. You are feeling proud about this by saying her no to sex and you should be proud of this. Nothing wrong in it dude.Concenterate on your studies you will get good lifepartner. Don't worry and enjoy your life.
answered Mar 13, 2014 by Manoj4u (6,185 points)
commented Apr 7, 2014 by ajitesh (105 points)
moved Apr 7, 2014 by Invincible
I really appreciate your decision. If u had heeded to her request and had sex with her , u would be more emotionally bonded to her and it would pain u a lot more when she breaks your heart