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Confused about my girlfriend. Need your Advice.

asked Jan 21, 2014 in Questions by naveenjacky (120 points)
edited Jan 21, 2014 by longhands1


I am Jack, 26 years old, from Chennai working for an MNC comp.

6 months ago. I met a girl who is a colleague of mine and we got attracted to each other. We started communicating and had a good relationship. I was seriously looking forward to marry her but now I came to know that she had an affair with two guys.

She told that it was just a crush and she had only oral sex with both of them.  Though I want to accept her as my life partner, I am unable to proceed as she kissed, hugged her earlier partners many times. I am irritated with her now.

But she loves me lot and wants to be with me the whole lifetime. I too want to be with her but I cant tolerate her past. My family is forcing me to get married.

Please advise me how to overcome this problem.



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10 Answers

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You need to let go of the past. Else , the habit of obsessing over the past will become a recurring issue through out your  life and not just with this girl.

This is usually indicative of a lack of self-confidence. You should have settled for an arranged marriage .

What you can do now , is ask her for some time. Stay away from her for a few months, with reduced contact . The separation will give you clues as to her character.

After this period, depending on the outcome, you can revisit your relationship and decide on future course of action.
answered Jan 21, 2014 by blindMan (1,035 points)
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Naveen , In my opinion it would be better for you if you stay away from her.Because you do not seem to be a person with broad mind. I do not mean at all that one should accept the  such promiscuous behavior of the girl/woman in his life. No i does not mean it.Remember whatever happened in her life has happened before you came in her life. She did not had an idea that the man(you) wishing to marry her would be so pissed off by her act/s! And even if you marry her it will always make you unhappy thinking that to certain extent her body had been enjoyed by not one by two guys. 

     But you should have some solace for the fact that she have an enough courage of coming clean with you.It really is an act of bravery. 

    Remamber that before meeting you she had her separate independent life. And if she had given her consent post her legal age its no business of anyone including you to doubt her or to consider her as a characterless ****. No even if you marry her in most probability she will remain honest with you. But owing to your narrow mind  i do not think that you could stand for it. May not be everyone but many persons makes such stupid mistakes in life.But very few confess. She stands to deserve  a chance to be your soulmate for life. Its up to you now and up to your thinking. 

answered Jan 21, 2014 by prashant69 (7,010 points)
edited Jan 21, 2014 by prashant69
0 like 0 dislike

How to vercome this problem, which problem? You mean your love for her and not accepting her past or your family wants you to get married? 

Lets assume its the first assumption. My simple suggestion is, forget the past, accept the love she has for you and the love that you have for her. Unless you had that love, you wont bother about her past, right? Thats human nature, we get sad when something is done by someone we have a different expectation.

You should be happy that she trust you that much that instead of telling a lie she opened up her past in front of you. If she didnot love you, would she bother to tell anything? Can you respect that truthfulness? Rather than hearing from someone in future, she wanted to be open with you and shared her past.

These days a lot, I mean a lot of girls are habituated n premarital sex. Some can even fool their man, some knows the man was no saint. Hardly you can have a girl who is physically and morally a total virgin. Rather than accept a chance of counting on your family where a nice girl is chosen and in reality you find her a metaphorical whore in nature. Have faith on your guts and chose the one whom you really do love. Your worry on this issue clearly says how much you love her. 

In a lot of countries, specially in Europe and many part of US, a lot of guys dont feel like having sex with a virgin. If a girl saves herself, that is treated as she must be having problem.  Being virgin or not is a perception, if you can deal with that, good for you, if you cant, you may stay as a 40 year old virgin still waiting for the right one.

Think about the girl in a differnt way, she might have found someone as her soulmate, she opened up and had sex seeing a future, and found there is none. Later from that eperience she tried again and found the same on the second guy. Now she is counting on you and trying to be honest with her past, if you also dump her for some old faith she poised on some jerks, what is the difference between you and them? They were looking for free sex, you are looking for a sealed virgin. I feel bad about this girl, if she gets dumped for such a reason like trusting someone, then she might take some bad step in future, wont trust male in life again. 

Bottom line, love is there from both of you, get married and have a nice life together.

answered Jan 22, 2014 by oye (25,670 points)
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If she is extremely beautiful and sexy and if you cannot get a girl like her then you have to excuse her past and marry her. She loves you may be because you have good job, well settled in life and may be good looking. It may not be real love. It is her need. Other boys, she had crush may not be as good as you. If you are capable of getting a girl better than her then forget her.
answered Jan 22, 2014 by shanti200462 (2,060 points)
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No men in the world can digest this fact about their partner no matter how much she love and cares; this is the fact from men side. I would like to advice you rethink on decision to get married and only go ahead if you will accept her past, be sure that you will be able to accept her past, as is it. You cannot forget her past that is fact but what you need to do is accept her past. Once you accept her past, you will be able to accept her. If she had relationship in past then it is not big matter as that is past not a present and what she did is before she meet you so she was not wrong morally and it is not your right to blame her for her past as everyone have their past.

You have mentioned her that she done oral sex but for me it is not cheating, if she is emotionally with you then you are winner as it is always worth to get women emotionally not physically. You should have to judge her on her present not on her past as no one can change her past.

You may discuss your feeling or worry to her, she may probably help you to come out of this and your discussion will act as a breather for you. Again, I would like to tell you that before taking any decision think thousands of times but after taking a decision never turn back. Made your mind clear that you will accept her past instead accept her past first and then her.

Do not analyze her past, as that will not important here, as something does not require analyzing. See her positive sides then on negative as your future depend in her positive part not on her past. If you have even little doubt in your mind regarding her past then better to break up relation then suffer later on. You will find it difficultly initially but on long run, you both will be happy.

If I was in your shoes than I will accept her, as she is if she loves me hearty and rest of things are fine.

Best of luck
answered Jan 22, 2014 by alpesh kapdi (23,320 points)
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Dear naveen,

This normally happens in many males mind .. Please try to overcome this .. She is trustworthy since she her self has opened up with you..

Many times females tell us only 60% of what actual has happen to her in past... Overall be ready later if you come to know that she have actually had sex also ..

But conclusion is if you both love each other ,, then kick her bad past experience from your mind and live in her present and future.

Happy beginning
answered Jan 22, 2014 by Headgearwale (800 points)
edited Jan 22, 2014 by Headgearwale
0 like 0 dislike
I my opinion Do not think deeply about these relation because these type of girl is so baddddddddddddddddd.
After marraige she will be hurt you and your family
and you know all these matter but what will you if your parents know all these things.
In one sentence
just leave her
answered Jan 23, 2014 by sandipan12345 (130 points)
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Jack, Everyone has a past life and few conveys it and many don't.
Be proud of your girl friend, since she's true to you and disclosed the truth.

We're gonna live the life once and you should happy each and every day. This feel is gonna affect/effect you psychologically in your sexual intercourse. Just give a break to your thinking's and please ahead with your lover !
answered Jan 24, 2014 by thewetindworld (565 points)
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Dear naveenjacky,

 i yhink you should forget the past. What is she now, think about it. If she loves you truly and you loves her truly then go and marry her. Now a days its much difficult to find a girl who has no affair with boy in past. There are many girls who are single but it is not possible that all girls are smart and beautiful as you wanted. Why to be worried about past, think about your future. If she is trustworthy then marry with her dude.
answered Jan 24, 2014 by Manoj4u (6,180 points)
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If you are a person who would not easily forget her past record,you better end the relationship because it will affect your relationship in the future.But if you really love her regardless of what she did in the past and can forget her past record then there's no harm in marrying her.But everyone has past record.I assume that she loves you because she tells you her past relationship.But I am confused if she still has the relationship with those guys even after meeting you or before meeting you.Talk to her and think properly and take your own decision accordingly.If you think that she loves you and you also love her, just marry her but you have to delete everything from your head.The very thought that she had oral sex with other should not come up in every quarrel.People even married divorced women/married woman/widow/etc.If you can accept her for just she is,it is not a big issue.
answered Jan 25, 2014 by Bondmanipur (370 points)

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