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Problem with online chatting.

asked Jul 26, 2013 in Questions by iam64 (150 points)
edited Jul 26, 2013 by Invincible
Hi members,

I am Lakshmi 49 yrs female. Recently I had faced one problem with cyber chat. Few months back I had a chat with a stranger with my gmail id. We were good friends online. We shared each others pics too. For the past many days he has been forcing me to meet him for sex. Few times we had sex chat online. Now he is blackmailing me saying I should have sex with him or else he wil keep my photoes in sex/porn sites and even in facebook. He said, he wil keep my photo by saying " this women is prostitute and she did so many cyber crimes and fooling so many guys so be careful." like this he wrote and he posted that photo in many facebook profiles (he has many facebook profiles).

He sent me a screen shot also of his facebook profile in which he shared my photo. I have grown up son and daughter. They have facebook profiles too. My fear is, if my son or daughter gets that post on their facebook then thats all I would literally die. I'd be very ashamed if that happens. Though my children won't believe it,  it will so embarassing to me. They don't know that I too chat online.

Please tell me what should I do with that strange guy? Did he really post it on facebook or just blackmailing me to meet? I don't know what to do, now I'm really confused. Please help me.

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11 Answers

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There are other things that you could’ve done to kill your boredom at 49yrs of age.  At 49, I presume your husband neither has sex with you nor appreciates you for the little things or even say you look beautiful, but that doesn’t mean you should engage in cyber sex with a stranger you meet online. It was foolish on your part to exchange your pictures with him; what exactly did you have in mind while initiating the chat?

If you weren’t thinking about sex, I wouldn’t believe you, because as I said, chatting with random people at the age of 49 doesn’t sound too good. There are other things that need your attention in this age. Now, I shall quit giving you a lecture; 1st of all, I suggest you tell your husband and children that someone is stalking you online and is asking you for indecent proposals. Confide in them that you mistook the person to be a good person and have agreed to chat with him but later realized that he was a pervert.

Hide the details about the sex chat for your own safety and tell them now he is defaming you and is trying to post obscene pictures of you on the net. After telling these details, lodge a complaint with the cyber crime department, they would nab the culprit and see to that he doesn’t post any more pictures of you online and would punish him for his act.

Don’t turn a blind eye on this; you ought to bring him to justice, lodge a complaint with the cyber police, they would see to that the matter is resolved. Confess to your family about your chatting and tell them you din’t intend for things to go this way. And from hereon, do not go near the internet and even if you go, don’t get into chatting with people you do not know and don’t exchange your pictures with unknown people.

answered Jul 26, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)
commented Jul 26, 2013 by iam64 (150 points)
Mr. invincible,
there are few things to say for u

1. if i do online chatting then that doesnt mean that am not happy with my husb. i am pretty happy with him. should i not do chatting in my free time? i know there are other things to make time pass.

2. never criticize anyone with their mistakes. i know i have done mistake. who knows that he will do blackmailing. i am new to this internet world. if i done mistake even by knowing, then it would be foolish.

and i never had intention to have sex with him in real. if i had that intention then we would have shared mobile numbers.  so think once while u give answer. so that it wont hurt others. i have seen many of ur replies in that few were little arrogant words. if u change that could be nice.  and i dont want to make this issues big by knowing it to my family members.

anyways thanks for ur advice in later part of your reply. hereafter i will be very careful  in these cases. and i wont share my personal things hereafter to anyone.
commented Jul 26, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)

I don’t mean to hurt anyone with my replies, and the criticism is never personal, for all that I know it ends with constructive part. I don’t intend to pick up a fight and hurt someone I do not know. I believe that a person should be told of the mistake he/she had done before finding out a solution because this way he/she would remember to never repeat the same again.

Now, as for the issues, I’m surprised to know that you have taken up chatting with strangers in this age as a part time hobby; nevertheless din’t you know that you should know about the amount of cyber crimes that are being unearthed around you? You said you din’t have any intention to have sex with him, but why did you prolong your chat to sex chat even after he proposed for sex with you? if you are happy with your husband, why have sex chat with a stranger, don’t you think it is cheating?

Did you think you can put an end to this when you feel like doing it? You see, internet is a whole wide world, you never now who the other person is with whom you’re chatting.

I believe you need the moral support of your family right now, so rather than confessing everything, you can tell them you chatted with a stranger and now he is defaming you by posting obscene pictures of you. and you also need to bring the guy under justice. Think about it.

commented Jul 26, 2013 by iam64 (150 points)
well mr.

i never said that even after he proposed for sex i still like to chat with him. i never said in that way. after he proposed for it i said no to him many times. he said he got his ego hurt and he want to take revenge. after that i never chat with him and he himself mail me that facebook screenshot saying in that way.

and i already said that online chatting i did just for time pass and some how he came to know about my id and we chat. i think chatting with strange person is not much crime if i have loving husb too. it is just time pass thing which i said earlier too. i should have been careful before. thats the mistake i did. if i have sex with other person without knowing my husb then thats what i mean real cheating is. more over i never showed any interest in him after he proposed like that. if i did that then it would be cheating.  try to understand the point.

i take this as learning lesson hereafter. and i would prefer to say this matter to my husb rather than my children.
commented Jul 26, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)

I used the term cheating, because you mentioned that you had sex chat with him, anyways I'm glad you realized what you had done. Let your husband know it, I'm sure he would take care of it.

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Report the profile on facebook, it will give you a list of options why you want to report, select appropriate reason. And ask facebook support team to help you by sending him legal notice not to post anything about you. Contact facebook support team, they will definitely help you. Never/ever try to meet that guy else he'll blackmail you again.
answered Jul 26, 2013 by som02 (150 points)
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Woman of age,you must have been aware of unscrupulous elements exploiting innocent women. Would advise you to immediately disconnect all your chats with this man. One can imagine the man's sexual urge and lust,when he is blackmailing a woman of 49,who must b in the threshold of reaching the menopause stage.Such sex perverts wait for such opportunities to exploit weaker women,who in some weaker moments ,do lose control and disclose their inner feelings and emotions.As suggested by many,please use the expert services of Facebook,to come out of this dangerous situation, at the earliest.Close the account and open a new one.Never ever chat with unknown elements?
answered Jul 27, 2013 by Kamalkannan (1,280 points)
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Though you are matured enough then me but still i would like to tell you that its not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong at all but yes should have been more careful while sharing your details with any stranger as a matured person. We all chat for different reasons but i think one reason is quite common, loneliness at times and share something what we can't share in real life. I presume that same was happened with you and you away, it is not your fault at all, so don't feel bad about it at all but yes as he is looking to harm you and your are dignified married woman so you need to take some strict action straight a way so better to lodge a complaint and protect your self from any disaster. Best of luck and beware of such things in future.
answered Jul 27, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
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Hi Lakshmi,
                    As per my knowledge and experience..You don't have need to be worried..if you won't give him any importance in your life...he will screwed up as him self....and don't worry that man is coward, he will not do anything just stop replying him and do not give him any attention just forget him like a lesson of your life and mistake..and whatever he is doing, that simply to make you accept his proposal and seriously no need to share anything with your family or other person because its no big deal......and if there is big deal like your any of friend find your pics at fb and or at other place publicly then simply lodge a complain in cyber crime cell..they will handle rest. but not now.because its not going to happen.....
                   Now do 1st thing.Block him from your gmail id, and facebook id and from ever id and place where he may contact you.and ifu still feel some unknown request simply change your gmail id or user have this option too. whatever fake profile he is showing to you report it's as spam and report it to will be done by facebook team.
                   For your future concern always remem this thing for life time, internet is for time pass only not for making relations because its not 99, completely 100% fake world. Rarely and hardly you meet with good people on internet and social site so do not trust anyone specially to unknown. So never do share any your personal stuff(mobile no, photos and kind of thing) which may cause to harm your dignity and life . and its totally cool to do sex chat, with unknown for fun, everyone do, their is no harm in that till you do not share your identity with that unknown and your personal stuff as i told you, and in chat no need to get emotional fool as you done last time and shared your thing with that moron.i would say do it frequently with safe way, but after signout to your account forget everything and never do mix that fake life pleasure in to your real life.
wish you all the best for your life...and if this suggestion of AA works in your case ..comment it to AA....:)
answered Jul 27, 2013 by lodam (315 points)
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 Laxmi /iam64,so you see how a seemingly innocent chat could land  one into a soup! Yes he can use your photo to defame you Make no mistake about that And also NEVER EVER fall for his requests to meet for sex or whatever othe pretence! 

         If you are staying with your husband think of taking him in confidence or first of all take your children/ close family into confidence and lodge a complaint with police !Their cyber cell department will handle your complaint and would nab this casanova! 

          Please do not ger freightended as you have not done anything that could be held against you! And do not hesitate to approach the police ! Such element is supposed to be dealt with stern hand! 

       However this a lesson to all persons who enjoy chatting online with strangers without realising the ramifications of their acts! Next time do not chat with any stranger intimately! 

answered Jul 27, 2013 by prashant69 (7,040 points)
commented Jul 27, 2013 by iam64 (150 points)
moved Jul 27, 2013 by Invincible
thank u all for your advices. yes i will be careful hereafter and i will lodge  compliant on him.

once again thank u members : invincible, som02, kamalkannan, divya.elegance, lodam, prashat69.
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Lahshmi, I'm sorry to read of your problem. What should be nothing more than a bit of harmless fun has turned into a nightmare for you. Those who are criticising you should reflect a moment or two on how flawlessly they live their lives.  The truth is, we all do questionable things from time to time, and 99% of the time, nothing bad happens; we just think to ourselves "Hmmmmm, that was silly, thank god nothing happened!"  In your case, the 1% fell on your head, and it could have embarrassing consequences if you don't do some damage limitation.

First of all, follow the advice already given and contact facebook and the police. This miserable worm of a "man" will be taken off facebook, and if there's evidence, the law may be used to bring a prosecution (it would in UK, where cyber crime is taken very seriously). Change your email account, and close the old account; or at the very least, add his email address in gmail spam filter; though he may simply send you mail from a different email id. Hence why I advise you to change your email id.

Whether you "confess all" to your family, well, that's up to you. The fast moving pace of facebook means that you will quickly disappear from the sreens of everyone else's PC and laptops and mobile phones. However, guilty secrets have a nasty habit of coming to light at the worst moment, so please think carefully before making a decision either way.

Finally,, never give anyone your pictures unless you really know them. You can have the sexiest or most depraved chats if that gives you a thrill,, but the moment you identify yourself, with a picture, you put a face to the words, and yourself at risk. I made your mistake a few years ago, and as a result I was branded by a lot of "so called" friends. I closed my facebook account,, and since then, I've steered clear of most social media. I had a lot of fun on line, and made some sexy friends that I still see regularly, but I did suffer some very unpleasant consequences. I hope you can avoid my fate!!!

answered Jul 27, 2013 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
commented Jul 27, 2013 by iam64 (150 points)
Hi salma,
thanks a lot for your support.  Definitely i will delete my gmail.  Thanks a lot everyone.
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We sympathize with the predicament you find yourself in. Actually I think it is more of a fear that you are living than what will really happen. This scum is playing on this fear of yours. Have you exchanged photos of an explicit nature? If not then there is nothing to worry of, at this present time. Do not fall for blackmail. Do not meet under any circumstances.

You will need to abstain from all social media for some length of time. As suggested here block all facebook referrals that have everything to do with him. You can approach Facebook with your request to blacklist hin, but they may demand proof of police complaint. (I am not sure how this thing of blocking works).

I am not very keen that you should go to the police. For one, this will involve your family, the law will take its own course which itself may take years. But be prepared if there is greater nuisance to approach your family. They will understand. You will need their support. On on-line chatting is fine and your children will understand, though your husband may not. Have courage. Things wil be fine. AA is with you.   

answered Jul 27, 2013 by longhands1 (80,530 points)
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Hi Lakshmi,
You are Approx eighteen years older than me and surly you must not be aware about the other sides of internet. this types of incidents are quite normal. Now you are thinking you have committed a mistake. It is not so. Game is still in your hands. Don't fear about anything. Such people are very coward. But try to pretend a strong force. He can't do anything. You just shared your photos and you have a plea that they are trick photos. You have two options,
1. Call him and say to do as he want. But at the exact moment when he is with in your reach, call police or any relative who have faith upon you.
2 threat him to do as he like. He can't do anything. Becoz he has nothing which is against you. To upload pic on Facebook is not so easy. He knows that he will be trapped in legal action. You can also deactivate your Facebook account. Hope your children will think that this man is trying to defame you and will handle by themselves as they know how to handle such person on internet.
Dear, today, if I make a fake id from a unknown cybercafe, and try to blackmail some person, police will find out me in just couple of minutes. Because, cybercafe takes pic of every person with his/her records and activity on PC get registered at your IP address and many more securities are there.
Remember, he isn't a genius to dodge the security system of cyberworld. It's just impossible in country like India.
Every activity on the internet is easily traceable.
Don't worry to challenge him. You are not so weak. We all are with you. First of all don't let him dominate over you.
answered Jul 27, 2013 by basicinstinct (2,290 points)
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Approach any of your friends (reliable ones) with connections in Police.

They can easily track this guy and teach him a good lesson.

.....Your friend should be supportive enough to keep this a secret and handle the situation.

If you don't have such a choice, then go and talk to your husband about it, and take his help and go to Police.

There are these assholes everywhere. No wonder you're tasting the bitter truth of internet world, but shouldn't have been at this age.

Dear Invincible, regarding your accusation of her trying to have sex with stranger..... it happens buddy! We do not literally want to fuck at the first instance itself, but we take our chances with exchanging pictures and understanding how much he/she cares for us.

I have one online friend for the last 4 years now who is 38 years of age, and I'm 30, and we have been having awesome sex in her husband's absence. It's not that she is not satisfied with her hubby, but things went well for me. And, for the record, I am not an asshole to blackmail her with pics and other stuff.

P.S: Lakshmi, that guy wants to take advantage, however, hold your ground and fight it.

Good luck.
answered Jul 28, 2013 by the-judge (135 points)
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Hi Lakshmi,

Don't get PANIC. Nothing will happen like you are fearing.Just that crook is trying to pressure you for showing yourself.
Don't come under pressure and do things which can make you regret later

You have these solutions :

1.Stop using Internet and computer for few days.
2.If he is that dangerous you should inform your husband before hand Because no one knows except you. And the matter won't come that far I hope.
3.You can complaint Cyber Crime Police giving the details of that idiot.
If somehow he comes in contact then threaten him that you have informed the Police and they are tracking him.

Ignore him completely.
He can't do anything against you.
keep a good communication with your husband.

Have peacefully time . divert ur mind . spend more time with kids .
join some dance class with ur hubby . zumba might help for couple
answered Jul 28, 2013 by srajesh (1,135 points)

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