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Discussion 9: Things that you will not tell your Spouse or partner? [closed]

5.9K views
asked Feb 26, 2013 in Discussions by longhands1 (83,785 points)
closed Jul 13, 2013 by Invincible

Discussion 9:  What are the things that you will not tell your Spouse or partner?

All of us at sometime in our married lives or during a marital relationship have pondered on this….should I tell my spouse or partner?

Many of us believe that one should begin on a clean slate by being open and frank, in order to begin a relationship. But there are some things that may destroy a relationship even before it begins.   

Have you faced such a situation? How did you handle it?

Most of us have had a past relationship. Would you get emotional and tell your partner all about your past life? What if your partner reacts with jealousy and suspicion? Be sure that your present partner is going to bring up this topic at sometime in your life. And if for some reason you have shared the juicy details about the good times you have had with your Ex then expect cold vibes in future.     

Early in a relationship, there are things that you may dislike in your partner. Would you criticize?  Would you speak about the negative traits of people?  Why would your partner be interested in knowing why you hate people they don’t even know? Complaining about other people on a first date gives a wrong image about you.

Would you talk about your in-laws? Would a man like if you told him that you want to live away from his parents? To a man, his parents are his world and vice versa. So sharing his son with another woman is bound to create some friction. Do you talk about this when you are courting each other?

Do you keep your personal problems to yourself? Or do you share these at the first instance itself? If these are personal problems, should they not remain personal?  Would your partner feel that you are complaining?  

Let us have your views. 

 

closed with the note: Old enough to close, doesn't need new answers.
commented Dec 31, 2013 by Vinerath (140 points)
As rightly said by you we should not disclosed all our screts to our partner as there will be time in future when there is conflict the past gets digged and it really hurts... Be wise ..at the same time share the things which are mandatory and will anyhow known by the partner one day or the other



4 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
First of all we should ensure that marriage is not a child's play!and before turning any person he/she has to go through various phases in life during which there is a possibility that  she/he might have had some interaction with the other men/women not necessarily physical one even if someone have any physical relation at such tender age it should not be considered as a sin and that person should not be branded evil! However rather than spouse finding about a relation later in life if someone has worth telling something to spouse she/he should tell it . But again its wager too as if its an arranged one then one doesnt have an idea about the would be  reaction of spouse.
i will end it with my personal experience I had told about my premarital affair(an intense one but not completely physical at that point of time ) to my wife with photograph of my previous lover ! surprisingly  my wife took it very sportingly and just said that its okay boys always tends to have an affair that's all she never cold vibe me later in life about it and never mentioned it ever ! once when my wife was with me i  saw my previous lover i tried to stop with intention of getting them introduced to which wife strictly declined ! please note that regarding my affair i had told my wife was within few days (eight days if i remember correctly )of our arranged marriage. so  its up to the intelligence  level of the spouse and  also as someone might have altogether disastrous experience also ! its like a snake and ladder game you dont know how you will score until die had been cast !
answered Feb 26, 2013 by prashant69 (7,135 points)
commented Feb 27, 2013 by Dreamrana (215 points)
U r lucky to get such an understanding wife.
I hv very bad experience(rape), which had almost destroyed me. I never shared it with any one except on this site.
I debate this whether should i discloses this to my future husband or not.
0 like 0 dislike
It all depends on the person, whom we are going to marry or married, if he/she is understanding and with clear mind set free from bias and not orthodox and can hv empathy. A close frnd like person. We can share any things any experience with them.
But on the other hand
They may make fuss of past relationship or any physical relationship. N there will be time in life they may blame our character, especially in case of girls.  
Myself a victim of sexual harassment, which has caused lots of damage to me, lots of emotional damage (i used to trust tha person) .
I hv never talked about this to any one and i don't knw should i disclose this when i marry.
answered Feb 27, 2013 by Dreamrana (215 points)
edited Feb 27, 2013 by Dreamrana
1 like 0 dislike
As it says, husband wife is a team, they should work and take decision together. Its true for most cases, but there has to be some exception.
1. Whatever there was before they met or got married, none should be that frank to open up on that. Personally speaking, me and my man we love to watch our childhood picture, all small talks and fun experience, but we never utter a single word about our ex.
2. After marriage share the talks those are needed to be discussed, that goes as much as sharing fantasy. But avoid anything personal. People always has some personal moments, that cannot be shared with spouse, rather that can be shared with best friend.
I personally feel, everyone is an individual and deserve some time and space on his/her own. a real partner wont bother to steal that time from you.
But its always required to share problem which might affect the family, like problem facing at work or neighbor's peeping or addiction problem or child's school grade.  But having a fling or crush or one night stand or flirting, its better not to utter that. A good marriage is not based on great sex, its on whether two person would love to share old age together. In current days, divorce is such an epidemic, you never know your honest confession can ruin you more that you can imagine at the court.
answered Feb 27, 2013 by Sumona (1,435 points)
commented Jan 4, 2014 by PaRdEeP sInGh (120 points)
Good explanation dear.....I am satisfied with your answer that we never explained everything about our past ex. because at the time of fighting also they taunt on each other on these issues.
1 like 0 dislike
i was in love with a girl who is my wife now. My sister stays is usa and had come to india after one year of our relationship. I m a straightforward guy and had never touched her. I told her i will make u meet my sis. But one day v met at a lonely place where v just smooched her. I had decided i wil not touch ne1 except my wife. Then the night before the day i was going to make her meet my sister she called me and told i have a confession to make. My heart started beating. She told she had gone to bed with a guy but some one entered home when he had started kissin her navel. She told think over for tomorrow meeting. It was like sky fell on me. I said i had unke you i wont touch ne girl except my wife than y u didnt tell this earlier? She said its ur choice but i cant live without you and if i decide to leave her she might commit suicide. I loved her so after thinkin 3 days i accepted her. But see she told it, i accepted it, but i still have that pain in my heart and will always stay in my heart till i die. So its better not to tell than to tell. Coz the other may seem sporty on the outside but you foot know their heart's condition.
answered Jul 13, 2013 by hardy1985 (160 points)
commented Jul 13, 2013 by lodam (330 points)
As your name its seriously so hard to understand your confession.if you read it once or twice, you will get your self that you should write it once again because its so confusing what you exactly want to say here and about what...
commented Jan 4, 2014 by PaRdEeP sInGh (120 points)
We never tell our past secrets to our partner.first we have to know his/her mind.i think its take minimum 1 or 2 yrs to know about a person.So first we know about eachother and then share the things. mostly i have seen that if two have discussed their secrets then at time of fighting between them they startes making taunt on each other.

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