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I'm finding it difficult to contain my sexual frustration.

asked Feb 2, 2013 in Questions by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
edited Feb 2, 2013 by Invincible
Well I am experiencing something really strange and somehow feeling more strange to share it here because I spoke about this to my hubby as well regarding my sexual frustration but he feels that sex is not everything in life and I should compress my sex desires or needs and shouldn't look for sex anymore due to his issues of ED.

My problem is that I am unable to control my sexual frustration and I really don't know how to compress my sexual needs or even if it is possible or is it right to compress it?

My personal and professional life is getting disturbed, more physically and I can't even share such a problem with anyone, so please share your more of practical and genuine views.
commented Feb 4, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
Thanks to everyone really for showing a concern and giving their precious time with valuable views and opinions.

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5 Answers

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Best answer
sex is a natural urge not to be contained, if possible. it is necessary for ur physical, mental and later spiritual well being. seek elsewhere, if possible with ur husbands permission but with out feeling of guilt.i have not had sex for the past 23 yrs as i don't have a partner. i am male and it is not easy for me to get a partner, as i am 56 yrs, i understand ur situation. my wife was bold enough to have an affair and to enjoy sex within one year of our marriage. (due to her selfishness and too much importance to her lover, we divorced later)that is courage to enjoy sex. sex is not sin. it is the greatest of all desires and it perpetuates life. it is also for enjoyment and liberation through it. nothing bad about it at all. so experience sex ur own way IF YOU THINK IT IS OK and stop the misery. be cautious and practical too , just as a fling and not as an affair with emotional attachments which will give you out. MORALITY CONCERNS PRINCIPLES OF RIGHT AND WRONG AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX .good point in having an unhappy life till an unhappy death, like my case. what ever you opt to do, it should be with out feeling of guilt.i too have ED, Viagra need not help in all cases, as i have seen. but meet a physician first. Smoking, alcohol too causes ED.
answered Feb 2, 2013 by sumitran9 (1,595 points)
selected Feb 3, 2013 by divya.elegance
commented Feb 2, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)

Don't take the name of any brands in the forum.


commented Feb 2, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
Thanks for your time and answer because of the fact that you have not had sex from past 23 yrs and i really wonder how you have controlled it for such a long time and still controlling it...well to be honest i never ever thought of having an affair at all and most probably will not go for it as well. The matter of fact is that he don't want to even consult with doctors or sex consultants due to his so called men ego and even he feels bad about me whenever i talks about my sexual frustration and needs as a married woman...i am not criticizing him at all because everyone has own way but somehow every relationship demands something to cope up with commitments but yes sexual frustration really making me worst physically as well as mentally so really looking to find someway though not aware least not yet
commented Feb 3, 2013 by parik89 (2,190 points)
its a good thing you are not thinking of an affair your approach is very practical however if its too frustrating i would suggest u leave him rather than have an affair because an affair does not end well with anybody,im not saying you deserve to be mistreated you have full right to take action which is right .you have been very sensible so far i suggest you remain the same in the future
commented Feb 3, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
well i was never been a great believer of EMA at all and still not and as far getting rid of relationship is concerned then for me real question is that...Is it good or  justified to get rid of relationship due to sexual frustration only and specially after kid because that will hurt kid the most, which i never can bear at all but at the same i can't ignore or compress sexual frustration at all.
commented Feb 3, 2013 by parik89 (2,190 points)
look im not saying you should leave your husband ,im saying its better to do that than cheating on him you will hurt him more that way. look your husband is refusing medical help he is overlooking your needs , that is very wrong on his part, every women deserves this respect from her husband , my suggestion here would be you go and flatly tell your husband what you are going through and if he does not still react, tell him the consequences , keeping someone physically deprived is not right he should at least face the problem, after the support you are showing he should get the motivation too, im just not a great believer of ema i think leaving a partner is better, as far as your kid goes well a child might survive a divorce but he would never survive to unhappy parents, that is what most adulterers never care about effects on their family , so you tried the to be the good cop to ur husband noe be the bad cop, tell him what consequences can be of his actions
1 like 0 dislike
well it exactly pertains to the question i asked before about how women handle if their partner has sexual problem.
well 1st of all i would like to tell you ED is a more common that you think its usually because of stress maybe ur husband is suffering in his work or at home, but good news its curable ,so the issue is curable you need to know that.
the major problem will be telling your hubby to go to a doctor , because men have ego issues, first u need to convince him that you dont think that he is any less of a man in any way, second you need to show him articles and stories of people suffering with ED so that he  knows that he is not the only one and also knows that its curable , and u need to go to a good sexual expert.
you have taken the right step by asking your problem and not taking stupid step like cheating etc , so with the same wisdom explain to your husband and im sure he will understand because im sure he also misses sex as much as you do
answered Feb 2, 2013 by parik89 (2,190 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Dear Friend,

The problem you are facing is really genuine. Physical satisfaction is must for well going of rest of the life. Now days  multiple medications are available for the problems like ED and PE. Your husband can overcome them with some keigel exercise and etc.
Or he can perform oral sex on you which can give you very amazing orgasm and ultimately lead to your satisfaction.
Basically you should be able to convince him that the current phase you are going through is bad and he should work out on that.
answered Feb 2, 2013 by SimplerLife (145 points)
1 like 0 dislike

Your husband asking you to suppress your sexual desires isn’t any good. As for that matter no woman who is in her prime age should be suppressing her sexual desires. Make your husband know this issue. I remember you posting a question about his issue earlier and all the failed attempts, but you just need to explain the situation with a serious tone for him to at least think about this. Of course sex isn’t everything, but common a woman shouldn’t be denied of the pleasure of sex just because he doesn’t like it.

No its not right to compress it when you’re entitled to have sex. We often ask young people to refrain from having sex and concentrate on their careers, but here you’re a married woman and its not good and its just not acceptable for you to suppress these. I know this isn’t a good idea, but how about you give him Viagra without his knowledge? I mean, you visit a sexologist and tell him your husband’s issue and the way he reacts when you talk sex, ask him to prescribe any medicine for his ED.

Once your husband gets the taste of sex after probably a long time, he might actually ask you or he might think as to the reason for his horniness and might work his problem out and get back. The chances of getting back is very much there, so just try a mild dosage of Viagra after having talked to a sexologist about this issue. I’m not asking you to talk to him since from your earlier writings its clear that he doesn’t care for what you’ve to talk, so just try this advise out, might work out.

Its out of this frustration one gets into EMS or EMA’s, so handle it well. Buying a dildo or a vibrator is helpful but that might not help you release your sexual desires which have been ignored for a long time.

answered Feb 2, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)
commented Feb 2, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
He is completely aware with the situation as i have discussed it with him first of all before discussing here. Yes i have posted my first ever question regarding my problem only but that question was more related to my hubby problems and his disinterest and rejection regarding consulting a doctor but his question is not anyway similar to that question because last week only we spoke to each other in a very strict and serious manner and where he asked me to compress and ignore my sexual needs and according to him, Indian woman shouldn't talk about it as well and his such   a statement really have turned me off completely.
commented Feb 2, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)

Well thats seriously bad, I mean its hard to believe and digest that men treat women such a way in spite of knowing the importance of women. Yes this question isn't related to your earlier one, but I just recalled it. Being a man (well for 21 I think I’m entitled to be a man and not just a boy) myself, I don’t think what your husband has said to you deserves any sympathy for him for his condition. Well I don’t know what change can be brought upon him, but an ultimatum as to his opinions on Indian women might at least shut his mouth. He needs a woman for proving to the world that he is a man by impregnating her, and then ignoring her is just barbarous.

I seriously am out of words, Divya, all I can do is to wish you a good life.

commented Feb 3, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
well that's what Indian society is all about when it comes to sex, i am not generalizing things here about mentality regarding sex but telling you about my experience only.
commented Feb 4, 2013 by hsridhara (255 points)
What one does if he feels hungry and has no food at home? Go to a good hotel and eat. One cannot and should not suppress nature's calls like, Hunger, thirst, sleep and sex. An outlet is needed and please find one fast.
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I am writing  this after reading answers given by others and specifically what is contributed by sumitran ! I do not think any hubby permitting his sexy and hot wife to have sex outside marriage no matter what ever fault lies with him As subtly  suggested by sumitran i think cheating your hubby is the most easy option open to you ,weigh the merits and demerits of it in your mind .Would you be  able to face your hubby when you will come after quenching your  hunger for sex with someone else?But as again rather than living in misery and in state of constant dissatisfaction you should consider this option As we live only once and rather than regretting at the lost opportunities in old age move forward and grab one ! regarding myself i would like to tell you that i am 44 male my wife is  40 and almost asexual never was ready for any experimenting ! My libido is higher so i have found solace in other women s legs to the fullest and all married ones like me.  Some were one time stands (not one night please note)
with some  i do had and have emotional attachment but not that strong that it would break my bond with my wife .I love my wife as she have other many qualities which are too important to ignore for mere sexual satisfaction and for no woman in the world i would leave her ! i am sure upon showing small inclination to opt for EMS or EMA  you wud have tonnes of offers turning in  and  you would b chooser ! Just weigh your  consious  and choose your next course  of action cleverly and hope you would be happy
answered Feb 2, 2013 by prashant69 (6,990 points)
commented Feb 3, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
well i appreciate your views and concern. I don't know how do you see the difference between Extra-marital affair and Extra-marital sex but i really feels that both are different except because it might sound strange but i feel except my hubby i never can bring emotions during sex with anyone and if i will bring then i would like to call it extra-marital affair or so called  relationship but sex outside marriage or so called Extra-marital sex without any emotions is more like one night stand which is very much of controversial issue in India but i would rather prefer to take an escort service than being involved in Extra-marital affair. I really wonders what are the real objectives of Escort services but yes i feels personally that they are selling services and taking money, that's all, no emotions involved and for me, its about a product or services which i need and i will pay and use it as per my needs and will forget it.
commented Feb 3, 2013 by parik89 (2,190 points)
well if you choose that is the best option but is it the solution? i mean how long will you continue it and how long will u get away with it?, isn't it better to talk it out with ur hubby , and give him an ultimatum , let me tell according to the option suggested by people who encourage u to have sex ask them how would they feel if their partners were doing the same to them.
i know ur husband is wrong and you have right to take the appropritae measures to deal with , not allowing sex or refusal of physical pleasures are legally valid reasons for divorce or separation , you can then live your life on your own terms , but using an escort  service or having an affair is not a good thing . i might sound old fashioned here  its just it would hurt your family more that you divorcing or taking time off, you need to have a straight talk with ur hubby explaining him the consequences and ur needs if he does not take care of his problem.
commented Feb 3, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)
edited Feb 3, 2013 by Invincible


With all due respect, you've given your view, let her choose her decision. Good or bad, we cannot and should not interfere or let her know what is good or bad. Be to the point. Answer when you're asked, giving these opinions might actually annoy some people.


commented Feb 3, 2013 by parik89 (2,190 points)
you are right its her decision i just put my views because poeple here were trying to potray adultery as good thing , well  i dont indulge into much debate but i had say it here , anyways i dont want to annoy anybody so its okay ill stop.
commented Feb 4, 2013 by prashant69 (6,990 points)
Well EMA and EMS as i see them are slightly different. in EMA  you first get attracted towards other persons due to some reason like his/her looks/dress sense/wittiness/ intelligence or something like that and mostly it is mutual admiration at the beginning and then  either of them takes first step and they enjoy together I think it is more common in offices or coligues due to working constantly together for hours for months While EMS is spontaneous as if one sees his maid or a woman sees her servant sexily clad and if he/she is starved sexually could grab and can proceed for physical relation y
You can imagine many permutations and combinations for the same In EmA their is at least thin bonding  while in EMS most of the time its pure lust involved However both could be lethal
And regarding u saying that you cannot have sex without emotional involvement it is nothing but a pure illusion on your part I too had same thinking while i was in late teens and early twenties however now i do not think so Tell me if sugar is forced in mouth wont it still taste sweet?
commented Feb 4, 2013 by divya.elegance (1,280 points)
Probably you can call it illusion as per your experiences or thoughts but i have mentioned regarding extra-marital sex in different context..more about using the services of Escort without any strings attached.
commented Feb 4, 2013 by prashant69 (6,990 points)
Its quite okay for you to opt for escort services it is your choice While still what you can get such relation that is no strings attached quite easily and that too free of charge if you are a working woman ! As for them many opportunities present themselves to indulge But its your choice and your right and surely could not be denied Just enjoy your life to fullest

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