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Why do women cheat on their husbands?

asked Jul 5, 2012 in Questions by hello1012 (150 points)
edited Jul 5, 2012 by oye
Hi Anjali Aunty and members

I want to know, what motivates women to go for extra-marital affair?  

1.) Is it because they meet someone else and they fall in love with this new friend/ stranger?
2.) are they bored?
3.) do they know their husbands are having affairs?

I'm curious and like to know your point of view.   Any woman who personally understands this, please reply.  

Thanks to all.
commented Jul 5, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)

Once you get the right reply, please mark as the "Best Answer". If not selected, the Panel of Editors will assign a Best reply or close the question within 15 days from posting this question.

commented Jul 5, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
ok oye, any ideas too, or?
commented Jul 5, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Please wait for members to reply.  And please stop replying to old questions.
commented Jul 5, 2012 by nonami (215 points)
moved Jul 10, 2012 by land crusier
Hi Hello,
hahahaha...i can also ask u the same question to u yaar.'Why men cheat on their wives?'
I don't want to quarrel here But infact when Survey is done u wil find Men cheat their wives more than women cheat their husbands.(atleast in developing countries)

anyway,if u can answer my counter question,then u know 90% of the answers.yes its same yaar for every Cheaters be men or women.

Some common special reasons are:wives becoming close again with their previous boyfrnz.husbands becoming less caring and making the wife feel lonely and the woman gets more caring other men.husband cateriing less to woman's Sex need or sex-spacing increasing or becoming almost nil.
And in very very rare cases,Yes becoz some r Nymphomaniacs.

And Hello,Now i hope u wil answer my countr question too.:) :)
commented Jul 5, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
edited Jul 5, 2012 by hello1012
That's a very good question, Why do men also cheat on their wives? I was hoping to recieve an answer that has to do with personal experience, a more sincere answer of a woman explaining that maybe she didn't have sexual grtification? to that I would have asked why?

If a man (Married) came to me and explained that he thought this woman (Married or not) was sexy, I would have asked, did you try to seduce her or did she try to seduce you? the mental state of extramarital affairs/fornication intrigues my mind and i would like to know. Franctly I am not a promoter of affairs and God forbid I or my wife or my children have one either. I believe it's important to remmeber how important having a family is, but I'm not here to bicker I love to learn more from real experiences?

But thank you very much for your response i enjoyed reading it, if you have anymore to say, please feel free to express it, I am more than interested to know what you think about the matter, still.

commented Jul 6, 2012 by nonami (215 points)
Ha ha ha dear Hello,  well,i am not yet married yaar so i dont hv that experience u r seeking here.OK. I mean i had few boyfrnz till now with whom i had intimate pleasures,but all in succession,but never cheated on anyone during d didn't hv multiple affairs at the same i guess i cant be accusd as Cheater.
my recent relation is 4mnths duration,and i am very much into the affair and i never really plan ahead on cheating or dumping.i learnd just to go with d flow of time yaar!
but this i can say,that whomevr shall i marry,i would hv experiencd the pleasure tastes with him,so sexual impotency or unsatisfactory performance is nevr gonna be my future husbands trait whoevr he might this as a reason is ruled out for me i i hv to evr cheat(and God forbid that) my future husband.:) ;) ;)

The reason if i would ever cheat my husband(God forbid) would be Revenge and Jealousy if he evr cheat me(God Forbid)! The hot-headed as i am.and the person i would hv EMA would probably be his worst enemy or his best friend.! :) :)
commented Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
Lol, ok I understand what you mean Nonami, God willing you get the satisfactory and gratification you desire from your husband, and God willing you return the favor, even if your husband is flawed no one is perfect but God Ameen. protect your chastity, and save it for the one you will have his babies God willing. Asalaam. Peace!

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8 Answers

3 like 0 dislike
Best answer
I coulde easily flip this question to ask why do men cheat on their wives?

The reality is that both men and women cheat for the same reasons, which include incompatibility, boredom, need for excitement, curiosity, a desire for adventure, the thrill of breaking the rules, the knowledge that their partner is already doing it........ and so on.

I've said this before, but I'll repeat myself: Look at yourself first, ask yourself why your partner might cheat on you. Are you the same person that you were when you married? If you've let yourself go, got sloppy in manner and dress, got fat and lazy, too hooked on watching TV instead of spending time together doing things. Has your sex life got staid and repetitive, is your partner bored with doing the same old things, or maybe you're not bothering to do at all.

All of this applies equally to men and women. So if I've described you or your partner, don't be surprised if someone is looking elsewhere.

answered Jul 5, 2012 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
selected Jul 13, 2012 by hello1012
commented Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
edited Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012
Dear Salma,
 Thank You very much for your reply, I enjoyed reading your post just as much as I enjoyed reading Nonami post. as Interesting and as intelligently opinionated you are in your reply. I would have to disagree on the fact that it isn't the faithful spouses fault his/her wife or husband has cheated, it is the cheaters fault that lead to his/her actions to have an extramarital affair.
So it doesn't realy matter what has happen to the woman or the man in essence he must look at his/herself as to why his partner has cheated (Many ugly men and woman cheat on their so called handsome husband or beautiful wives). The fact is the spouse cheated; the other (faithful) spouse shouldnt have that blame, I can't find a reason to blame "myself" if my wife ever cheated on me (Theoreticaly if it happened to me)she cheated on me, that's her and her lovers choice, not mine. Why should the spouse take any blame for other peoples decisions (whether you find them to be bad or good).

I agree that a husband should be there for his wife and for his wife to be there for her husband; it is a responsible and a loving and merciful thing to do when you truely love your husband or wife. Take care of your physical and mental health so both you and your wife can enjoy each others company ( I agree with you sexy salma). But because of boredom or you gaining weight, or you're too busy at work to be with your husband or wife (Which i think is a more complicated situation), shouldn't be the reason why your spouse should go have an affair on you.

Now if anyone has a personal reason or story to share, I would certainly enjoy to read it.

Thanks Sexysalma,
  Sincerely and with much love and gratitude,

p.s. anymore ideas or opnions please do share i enjoy more of your thoughts, Madam.
commented Jul 6, 2012 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
But you asked what motivates, and I gave you a number of reasons that could motivate. What I didn't say is that the reasons were justified.

Many people have affairs simply because they want to, and nothing the cuckolded partner has done (or not done) can be held as a valid reason. Sometimes there is no reason other than the opportunity, mixed with a lack of love for the partner

When I said that you should look at yourself, I was suggesting ways to do your best to be all that your partner wants; if you're both happy with each other, the chances are that you'll both be faithful to each other; but even so, partners on business away from home, or the one left at home having the opportunity for mischief. We know what our husbands can be like when they're away, so for me, it's essential that I make sure I keep things exciting.

My work often takes me over to the continent (I'm from England), so I'd have plenty of opportunity to cheat if I wanted, but my sex life at home is very satisfying, and I've no desire to do things behind anyone's back. If, on the other hand, my sex life was rubbish, who knows, maybe I'd be tempted.

commented Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
Ok, thank you very much for the sincere reply, I understand where your coming from in this post, and grateful you shared your thoughts. One thing intrigues me though, if your boss promised you a promotion or a salary raise under one condition, would this be justifiable to you or any one in general morally? If he asks for sexual favors in return, where you will have to living in an affair? Let's hope not cause it can go both ways between a married woman and her husband.
But you did clear the air with your last post, I assume people have affairs due to a sort of weakness, a lust, a perversion and not exactly a healthy one? Let's try to be healthy then and I hope the best in our relationships God Willing. Peace!
commented Jul 6, 2012 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
If any man tried that line with me, I'd have him charged with sexual harassment, as it's a serious criminal offence in the UK. He would be fired from the company, face huge fines or imprisonment, and I would be considered a good employee for exposing such malpractice. Such things are taken very seriously in the UK. A decade ago, a woman who proved that her boss made her life a misery because she refused to sleep with him not onlt won £500k damages, but the man in question was fired, and will never work in a position of responsibility again, and in my opinion, rightly so!!! It works both ways, as any female boss who tries to use her power to gain any unfair advantage or sexual favours from her employees or the people who she manages would also face the same disciplinary hearings in court. There are some unsrupulous people who will deliberately target their boss and try to entice her/him into a sexually compromising position to gain advantage, but most bosses are switched on to this these days, so it's difficult to try to "fuck your way up the corporate ladder." If you want an example of what can happen, and the amounts of money involved, do a web search on "Sex scandal in the English FA"

Personally, I would never do something that would make me ashamed of myself, no matter what inducements were promised.

commented Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
Thank you very much Salma, let's hope all goes well with you and typically your answers has been the best, but wished for real head way in the psychoanalysis when it involves the act of being unfaithful.


P.s. Thank you, Peace!
commented Jul 7, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
Sorry to disagree with salma on this replay, there is nothing to do with the state of marriage and cheating, Cheating is a conscious choice the cheater makes knowing the consequences well, cheating is not a mistake its a choice one makes.

If your partner is not responding to your needs, you can do the honorable thing of letting your partner know about your dissatisfaction in the present state of marriage and give him or her a chance to rectify and come back to the relationship or leave the partner before you stray and hurt the partner in the worst way possible.
commented Jul 7, 2012 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
Ofr course it's a conscious decesion to cheat, you don't cheat unknowingly!!!! What I'm saying is that there's a reason for it. Happy couples (who are happy with each other) don't cheat; there's always a cause for it. I'm not saying that it's the fault of the one who is being cheated upon, but the cheater had to have a reason, whether justified or not.

Usually, someone looks outside of their marriage after failing to find the things they wanted within it. If you have tried hard to let your partner know you're not happy in some way, but they refuse to do anything to make things right, it's possible you might stray if the right circumstances occur. I'M NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS RIGHT!!!! It happens, that's all..

A person who feels neglected, ignored, treated with disdain or contempt is likely to be receptive to someone who shows them some affection and helps them regain self esteem, and from that point, it's possible that they fall for the one who makes them feel good about themselves.

commented Jul 8, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
I'de just like to add that unhappy married couples don't cheat, unless one spouse in the relationship chooses to do so willingly...?... Or she/he was to drunk or under the influence to understand their actions...?!?!!
commented Jul 8, 2012 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
Too drunk or under the influence of drugs can explain a one off occurrence, but once sober? That's another thing.  An affair is an ongoing thing, and while a drunken/drugged occasion might be the start of it, no one stays drunk or drugged continuously (unless maybe addicted). Sooner or later, the cheater has to confront his or her behaviour and decide to end or continue as a conscious decision.

commented Jul 8, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
A drunken ONS  is entirely different from having an Affair...........
1 like 0 dislike
Why particularly women may I ask?I might not give you the answer from a female point of view but hope you would be pleased with the answer.

On your first query, a women meets people in general and gets into casual chats with them with no other intention but once the husband starts ignoring her she might get an inclination towards her new found friend and may share her feelings and over the time she might fall for the guy/girl.

People definitely get bored cos how in the world do you expect a person to deal with the same person for the rest of their life's without feeling irritated at the same old routine?Monotony is a very bad influence.We do come across women complaining of how old fashioned their husbands are and hence they might start an affair.

The third part is a tricky one cos it doesn't happen that way and unless the women wants to seek revenge she cheats.

No motivation is required for sex, its the circumstances that present themselves makes things happen.One major reason to cheat might be the absence of love in the marriage cos I personally haven't heard or come across a women who's cheating only for sex that is an extreme case and she can be termed a nympho.When she finds the love in some other person she will jump at the opportunity to fulfill her desire.But I can say that women simply don't cheat without a proper reason cos I feel they are matured in such situations and have got the presence of mind to either act or not.
answered Jul 6, 2012 by Invincible (12,550 points)
commented Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
edited Jul 6, 2012 by hello1012
Interesting point of view, I think this goes deeper into the Complexity of
 A woman who looks for interaction with men (same can go for men to, but I'm sure men see woman differently then as woman see men?) To me, Monotony is not bad, bad influence make thing bad. A cheater could cheat for the reasons you said and tries to find something  flawed to blame her spouse for wanting to cheater; or that the person already cheated, really, it was the cheaters act that lead to her final assumption that she is not being loved... Maybe she is being loved or he is being loved but completely lies to themselves for there selfish/ sled gratification?
commented Jul 7, 2012 by Invincible (12,550 points)
Ever wondered what goes on in your mind?Get that right and you wouldn't be seeking answers cos people get on to many ideas when they are left by themselves.
commented Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
Very true, meditation helps one see inside himself, but the question is not about me, it's about a woman or for necessity of finding a good point of view, a spouses influential ideals on cheating.
commented Jul 7, 2012 by Invincible (12,550 points)
I never mentioned meditation and the reply wasn't directed at you but you were merely a tool cos I couldn't find an appropriate example to describe what I felt.I feel that a person needs to take his mind in his control rather than being a tool in its hands, as a matter of fact this is the principle that I follow in my life.
1 like 0 dislike
No, its not always possible that every women cheat their husband.In fact men is always keep an eye on her so that the women sometimes get fedup with him & try to make him envious for the same.

So if you are a trustworthy one & have enough potential in yourself to make your wife happy in all respects then no other men can dared to enter in your happy married life.

However if the women is already a loose character, then every efforts of yours will go waste as she is more greedy for the lust & desires.

So always try to select a sincere & trusty partner for your future life & it all depends upon the observation you are going to select for the same.
answered Jul 6, 2012 by savita (1,510 points)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
edited Jul 7, 2012 by dan
I don't think a woman she be fed up if a man wants to keep the "threshold of his gate firm" meaning, it shouldn't be a problem if a mind wants to be close and keep In close relation with his or her husband or wife.
Trust is complicated, I don't trust you, but no worries I don't even trust me; I trust the truth and God will help me God willing.

Also I find some truth to this quote "If a person believes enough, a man can change his stars." - A Knights Tale. Any one can be different it's by the Will of God and the choice the individual makes in his/her's life past present and/or future? God Willing.

I agree with the selecting a partner ideal, a wise man once said "There are 4 reasons why you souls choose a wife, it's her 1 Values, 2 wealth, 3 Beauty, 4 Her Family and their role In society etc etc etc. But! Out of those 4 the best choice is her Faith (values). - XXXX
commented Jul 7, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
No religious point of view please.

Thanks for your comprehension
1 like 0 dislike
Everywhere much is written on these issues.I suggest, U should replace the word Women by "People". U cann't charge a single sex when both are doing the same.Also,the reasons are same- unsatisfied at home, lack of care, jealousy and anger, a weak moment , revenge, insecurity, fun, habit, these are a few of them.
answered Jul 6, 2012 by mahee (2,755 points)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
edited Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012
I Agree, infidelity is not sexes, it happens to both males and females, the irritated question really is, why did you do it; a very intuitive thought process which I want to be revieled if possible, God Willing.
2 like 0 dislike
big big replies and big big comments have made this question too lenghty. I give stress on a line in your question - "any woman who personally understand this." are you seeking a woman who has cheated on her husband and want to know her experience?

Three female have replied yet and three of them have protested in their own way. You, somewhere in your comments admitted that women have complex psychology. Where was this fact when you typed this question specially for women to answer? Why would they(females) reveal their complexity?

If a woman has a complex nature. That may have many reasons. Biggest is male dominated society. A male she is committed with emotionally,
second a male she is committed with, professionally.
One keeps eye to confirm that she is not f***ing outside, second man keeps eyes filled with lust all the time. Who made it complex. What reason you want to give now for a cheater woman?

Now let take a look of housewives cheatin on working husbands.

You dont need to go anywhere. Just flip out some old pages. You will find many question like

 "i want to seduce my bhabhi"

now tell me. Is bhabhi responsible if her devar is sick. Does she need to give you a reason that why she cheated and why she f***ed her devar?

One thing was common and which was unspoken and on which i always insist- "morality."

if every person understand that what are his/her morals, there will be an ease to maintain relations as sane as they were made by almighty.

I hope my grammer allowed the right message to convey. And i hope i was to the point.
Thank you.
answered Jul 6, 2012 by akk0907 (2,855 points)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by Invincible (12,550 points)
I am okay with the replies but I have no comments on the comments part...;)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
I understand, it's not the complexity of the woman I like to know, ironically many woman are not complex at all, and it's considerably easy to satisfy a woman's inquiry without a moments hesitation or with a simple thought processing skills -God willing- (This statement is not for bosting but merely a cynical point of view that requires study, experience, and knowledge of woman or a woman on/in a personal none reclusive level). I will not be delusional (God Willing) to the fact men are capable of having affairs or what not, and the question would/could be better of if I were ask"Why do people cheat?" but when writing this, I want to know the level of credibility a woman can sway on the matter, I'm sure like you may know that men may have different sexual lusts as woman (or maybe the same?). I may want a confession, a personal one or an observative one on what happened, why it happened, and the level of contiousness you were in and maybe in, post/and pre active of the moment.

Reality is, I am more than grateful for the posts and comments applied here and for sure, they are better than no comments, keep the mind spitting as the say in USA. Peace!

P.s. Your English is subcontiously literal.
0 like 2 dislike

A typical male question, why do women cheat? What about the other side of the coin? Anyway since I am a male too, let us theorize why women cheat?

The reasons behind infidelity differ greatly between the sexes. For men, it's all about the sex. Men rarely cheat, hoping that they will later fall in love with the woman. For women, it’s more about the level of satisfaction in her relationship; if a woman is unhappy in her marriage, the chances of her cheating doubles.

One of the reasons woman cheat is when they are in an abusive relationship. The man is abusive and dominating, wanting to control the relationship at every stage. This could lead to a woman revolting and finding solace in the caring ways of the next man she meets. The spouse seeks comfort or intimacy outside the marriage.

Another reason could be that the wife is bored with the relationship. A healthy relationship grows and evolves, and feeling bored is a symptom of relationship stagnation. It could help if the couple goes on a vacation or even a drastic step like moving to a new city.

Resentment is another cause. Over time minor issues of divulgence, snowball into seemingly serious issues. Together with lack of sexual intimacy, the relationship begins to lose its initial gloss and halo. Communication becomes difficult and there are long periods of silence and ignoring each other. In this scenario, if the woman finds a man who is receptive, she is bound to walk into his arms, and an affair.   

Another reason though not so common is revenge. Revenge is a common feeling when someone has been betrayed. One's judgment is twisted and anger at the spouse's infidelity follows.

Have seen your lengthy comments, after each answer and glad that you are pro-active.
answered Jul 7, 2012 by longhands1 (80,190 points)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
And thank you for your comment Mr. Longhands1. I do appreciate your opinion, thoughts, and Idea. I would also like to say that even though what you say maybe are reasons, I just thought it would be more imperative for me to say that, it is never bound to happen, maybe it just "be" (happens).
1 like 0 dislike
Why women cheat? Different women cheat for different reasons, But its sure that they cheat when their specific needs are not met in a relationships, they will seek that part from other men.some cheat for emotional needs, others for sex many for adventure or to escape from the loneliness. So women cheat for various reasons.

Even if a women have a good married life, a good looking husband/partner, good finance and education she will stray if her specific needs are not met.

Mostly women stray for meeting their emotional needs and sex is the currency they exchange for keeping the other man around her. Some may have a caring and loving husband but sex may be poor or she may be dissatisfied in sex, so she may stray for sex.

some may have a caring, loving husband and may also have a good sex life but they may be alone in the home for the whole day without much to do, they stray to escape from their loneliness.

some but few  stray for money, to meet their financial needs.
answered Jul 7, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
You think woman are bored? What about boredom will lead them to have an affair... A wicked sense of humor? Lol. :)
commented Jul 7, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
In time the newness and lovey dovey feelings in a relationship will fade after few yrs of being together, so many may get bored in the monotonous life they are leading, so in order to get their excitement back or to see whether the grass on other side is greener many women stray. so boredom in a relationship can lead one to cheat.
commented Jul 8, 2012 by hello1012 (150 points)
How could you contradict someone's boredom, male and/or Female? I'de say, go read a good book? If you find one? Lol :)! ... Do you think people, think about their actions before commitng? Or they fall into a mindtripp of lust?
1 like 0 dislike
All the three options you have mentioned has some contribution, the first one is less, the second and third one is higher.

But there are two more reasons, the fourth reason is they are not satisfied at home by the legal man. And the fifth reason is they can earn money by using their asset.

There is a reason of Advanture or going for forbidden fruit also, but I will keep that added up with the first reason.
answered Jul 10, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)

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