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My child caught me and my wife having sex,what should i do?

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asked Apr 18, 2012 in Questions by Shivan snowy (120 points)
edited Apr 18, 2012 by oye
Hi everyone,

Im 30 and my wife is 28.On last sunday , my 7 year old son, caught me and my wife engaged in sexual intercourse. He walked into the room, screamed, and then ran out. We quickly put on our clothes and ran to him. He was crying and eating soap. After taking the soap away, we explained to him that mommies and daddies just like hugging each other sometimes to show their love. He said, "But why was your clothes off?" I told him that it makes hugging more special that way. He seemed a bit more calm after that.

The next morning, My son went to school and we went to work, feeling that all was back to normal. We couldn't have been more incorrect.That day My sons teacher called me on my work phone and told me that my son was telling inappropriate stories about his parents "hugging each other naked in bed, shrieking" and during art class, took of his clothes and started hugging people. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I immediately left work and picked him up from the principals office. He never looked more scared.

Now he's home, playing quietly, and I STILL have no clue what to say to him about all this. Can you please help me?

Thank you,
commented Apr 18, 2012 by mahee (2,755 points)
A real Eye opener Q. for youngsters. I am constantly thinking on this issue, but seems no Exact solution. FEEL THE PAIN/ SYMPATHY for both parents n kid. ACCIDENTS like this always remain at the unconscious mind.What to do ????
commented Apr 22, 2012 by harshavardhan (195 points)
moved Apr 22, 2012 by oye
nothing to do be careful next when you are doing sex close the doors n windows yaar



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11 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
You should tell ur son that ONLY Mummy -Papa can hug each other in that special way of HUGGING & Good Children never tell their Mummy-Papa's secrets to their friends.From next time, Keep ur Room's door locked/bolted fast.
answered Apr 18, 2012 by mahee (2,755 points)
2 like 0 dislike
You simply can't wipe a memory off from the child's mind at 7yrs, so you better give him a break and divert his mind on activities hes more interested in or you could plan a vacation where he gets involved in his stuff and forget the incident.

I don't think explaining the situation results any better because hes just 7 and it might have an impact on his future life.So try diverting him and do things which makes him completely occupied for a few months and for gods sake don't even try to be intimate with your wife with your son around the corner.

I don't know if this could work but you could give it a shot mate.
answered Apr 18, 2012 by Invincible (12,550 points)
0 like 2 dislike
I think its a good question.  You can go through the following link, the question was not same, but the issues were closeby.  You can read my reply, I gave a real life example.

http://www.askanjali.com/60097/how-to-restrain-my-8-year-old-son-from-his-masturbation-habit?show=60156#a60156

There can be some supplimentary question on how do we start communication on sex, what is the appropriate age and appropriate words to be used. Unless they learn right from home, they may learn wrong from outside.

Still, if can make time, I will try to reply on your question.
answered Apr 18, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike
You are in a quite messy situation, but it's not end of the world all depends how you going to treat the issue right now and in the future.

let's analyse what you should have done which you didnot [ mind it am not blaming you but just but also learnt from your situation what might happen to me one day ]
1. You got to close your lock door before having sex with your partner.
2. Ask your child to ALWAYS knock door before entering a room.
3. Not always possible but try to cover your body while having sex.
4. Have sex in dim light instead of full light at night [ i know man like to see their partner while having sex ].

Anyway what happened has happened, follow the hereunder steps:

1. Don't freak out -- don't act like it's a trauma. Stay calm.
2. Don't blame.
3. Calmly talk to the kids the room if caught
4. Later, set up a diaglogue wherein you ask them if they want to know what was happening.
5. And if they do, explain it, with an emphasis on it being normal, loving, safe, etc.
6. And if they don't, don't press the issue.

Tell your child that love making is a normal process between parent but should not be done between others, i mean not between brother and sister , start his education right now  and also not to do it before others as he did at school.

From your question above it seem that your child has taken your love making scene as an aggression scene [ are you wild at home , I mean are you a hot tempered person , am just asking ] if so then you got to be very carefull while explaining him really what he saw was a form of loving your wife and not aggression.

Now eating soap that's a very concern issue , has he done that before i mean whenever he is depress or you don't give him a toy does he behave similarly ? If yes then he you got to seek medical help from a pshycologsit, if it's one-off event then surely he will forget about it.


If possible have a couple of days off go for some picnic or hillstation and enjoy with your child but refrain to have sex with your wife infront of him during that period but be romantic and caring to both spouse and child.

All the best
answered Apr 18, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
2 like 1 dislike
Shivan
First of all, consider purchasing a lock for your bedroom door, because you probably would not want a repeat. Second, be honest with the school and tell them what happened (its not like it was a criminal act). Your child not suffer because of your ignorance.
Now, to your query, if your wife is not at home, call her or wait until she comes. See what she says. If she is already home and you have had a discussion, and still have got no clue, then here: tell your son that this type of hugging is only suitable only for married couples. There is nothing wrong with. Its completely natural, but must not be done by kids. It is also VERY important to tell him that you're not MAD at him. Try to divert his mind to some other activities which are more intresting to him. Don't worry, everything will work just fine. He will soon forget about it. Though, at some point in his teenage, he might be like 'oh that is sick! I caught my parents having sex'. If things don't go the right way and his behavior persists or worsens, you might need to see a psychologist.
Good luck:)
answered Apr 18, 2012 by atriekak (540 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Some times these kind of situations we have to face in life when we are caught. We will feel guilt and it will be difficult to face them and to have eye contact.
Since your son is just 7 yrs of age don't panic. As time passes he should ultimately forget it or should at least be matured enough to ignore what he has seen considering it as a natural thing.
Think what might be the situation if it was viewed by ur son if he was 15 or 16 yrs of age.
answered Apr 19, 2012 by bin (2,365 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi shivan
Whatever has happened is really embarrassing and you hav to take utmost care while dealing with it.
Your child is only 7 years old and most of our childhood memories are washed away  with the passage of time .you should be more concerned bout his behaviour and for that take a break go for picnic and divert his mind ,don't show any sort of intimacy in front of him and if he asks again anything related to that day..jst be cool and tell him its normal  and try to divert him . You can't and shudn't tell him about what happened ..he is just 7. Be careful for few months and no intimacy as it culd remind him of that day.Have patience and you ppl have to be very careful as it may take several months for him to forget all.
Take care
answered Apr 19, 2012 by cry (1,255 points)
commented Apr 20, 2012 by palak7879 (360 points)
edited Apr 22, 2012 by longhands1
its cool and normal because your son is just now 7 yr old.
i think he dont knw any thing whats going on.. he dont knw about sex,.
so be relex..


(We are aware of the above....give us a solution).
0 like 0 dislike
Situation is very tuff so immediate whats come in your mind you had to explaine him but mean time kids are very smart and their memorie is very sharp I think best way to forget such bad situation is you have to go with him some place or give him his better like video game or something which he likes most new thing definitely help to forget old incident.


(Not a single comma, or a full stop. Remember you are writing for a Forum. We expect basic english rules maintained).
answered Apr 22, 2012 by kingmyaqueen (2,380 points)
edited Apr 22, 2012 by longhands1
1 like 0 dislike
Shivan,

It is important to know how much accurate and age-appropriate information you had earlier shared with your son. If a child has had many small, casual conversations about sexuality with his or her parents starting as soon as language begins, then the reaction isn't likely to be a negative one.

While the first thing you need to do is to have a lock installed in your bed-room (that is obvious) you should not be devastated by a surprise visit. There is no harm in children understanding that parents share a special way of being physically intimate with each another. (In fact, it's very healthy.) Such an experience may be embarrassing, but the best approach is to remain calm and matter-of-fact. Parents can say, "We are having some private time together and we would like you to leave the room. Please be sure to close the door."

Parents should also go to the child to ask what he saw -- or thought he saw -- and to invite questions or offer reassurance about what has happened. Parents who get caught fooling around need to understand that kids process information about sex -- everything from what their friends discuss with them to what their parents do -- gradually and incrementally.

Take a few days leave and spend quality time with your son. Though he will never forget what he saw, he will accept the situation in time.
answered Apr 22, 2012 by longhands1 (84,380 points)
0 like 0 dislike
hi shivan snowy i had a answer to your question firstly what u people doing before having sex don't u have any common sense to shut your room door OK leave it in the excitement of having sex u forget it OK
you said your son is 7 years old he has some knowledge and can understand what is what so be careful when u do the same next time now just call him and say him that mom had body pains and dad has massaged her and mom had pain in her body so daddy hugged her tight and trying to relive her pain if he ask what is the purpose of removing dress then u say that while massaging people do not wear clothes but be you have to say him in a pleaded way(i mean in a happy mood he will not get any doubt and he forget about it) and one main thing children grasp every thing they saw and they will repeat it with there friends(opposite gender) so be careful and watch your son regularly
answered Apr 22, 2012 by abhi14343 (1,850 points)
0 like 0 dislike
wow! from next time do ensure to lock all the doors and windows before going for private session. as far as current scenario is concerned talk to your child about the matter.... try making your child understand this is not the right age to do all such spying... tell him something about importance of privacy in a persons life. Divert your child attention in video games or cartoons.
answered Apr 23, 2012 by xpktv2000 (3,295 points)

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