I m in love with my tution student. What should i do?

Question

I m 27 years old and teaching this girl at her home for the last 2 years along with her other siblings. Now she is in class X and 16 yeard old. Let me tell you I have taught many girls and never got this kind of feeling. Why is it happening with me? Might be because she is the ideal girl I was looking for. I think she is also interested in me as whenever I try to explain her something she starts doing things like making sounds, waving her hands, as if to distract me from what I am doing. Sometimes she gets upset with me without any reason.

I tried leaving her once, but was called back by her parents.

Let me tell you I dn't have any kind of ill feelings for her and I only want her to be my lifepartner. I do respect girls - be my collegues or students. So please dn't judge me a pervert.
 Kindly let me know:
1. Can such relationships work over long time?
2. Should I express my feelings to her?
3. If so, how and when?

Answer 1

dear fitadeys  alias jimmy , hereunder is the link of question you asked a couple of days back and yesterday you asked the same question under user jimmy and when the same was rejected you posted this question under a new member and guess what in one day you turned 27 from 26, wao magic.

You were given so many response and god know what more you are looking for that you are coming with the same question.

Its time to grow up

http://www.askanjali.com/55426/love-my-student-but-cannot-tell-her-what-to-do

Comments

dear dan it is not the case as u think. I read jimmy's question and found myself in a similar but somewhat different situation. So i thought of getting opinions of others regarding my specific situation. Nevertheless thanks for ur reply.

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Dear Fitadeys, sorry if I mis-understood your post and after reading jimmy's post I hope you must have understand why I expressed in that way.

Infact a couple of hours before your post jimmy had send his post again which I didnot approved and then came your question with a similar issue so i guess it was genuine on my part to to do the link with jimmy post but under a different username .

Again regret for the mis-undestanding from my part.

Answer 2

if you like  her then it is good.
this type of relation can be permanent but it depends on your(both) understanding and love towards each other.
You should express your feelings to her because if you won't express your feelings it will give you mental stress.
and for your 3rd question you must find the appropriate time and way as no other can better understand the girl than you .

Comments

bubbly123

Its very difficult to express such feelings. I can't say how she feels for me, and I m not in a position to take chances. Finally giving up.

Nevertheless thanks a lot for ur suggestion.

Answer 3

1. Yes,such relation can work over a long period of time. It could be like any other relations. So,don't worry.

2. 16 years seems to be very young to be in a serious relation!! Why don't you wait a bit longer to express your feeling to her!!

3. It is upto you. You will yourself find out the best suitable time. Let your intuition guide you in this regard :-)

Answer 4

i dont know what feeling you having... But whatever you want to do is illegal because that girl is not adult. So better keep distance and propose a girl of your age or atleast adult girl.

Answer 5

There huge difference between your and her age this is not ethical and it will be also hamper your profession also so this will better for you and her think about your career and her innocence.

Answer 6

Just go and ask her that you love her. Dont wait for few years,otherwisw som other may propose and you will lost her.
If she also love you then there will be no problem.
But remember if she accept your  love then DONT KEEP any physical relationship with her untill age of her 20.

Answer 7

thank you all for your suggestions.

Ofcourse I do not intent to get physical with her before marriage and marriage too can happen only with the consent of our parents.

But the problem is how should I propose her. I don't know exactly how she feels about me?

To add more let me tell u all that now she is having her papers. And she befooled me today to come twice to her home as she said she is having her paper tomorrow but actually she is having paper day after tomorrow. I can't figure it out what exactly she wants from me. Both of us are from conservative families where love is still a taboo.

Please let me know if anyone of u can draw some inference from this incidence of today?

Answer 8

@dan - I liked the way u suspected and caught jimmys post and fitadeys post. But I loved the way u apologiesd for misunderstanding and being so humble :-)

@fitadeys - u speak to girls parents in proper way and express ur feelings. Even though the age difference is 11years between u, u might need to wait til she attend age of marriage. Whatever way u choose , go through her parents wish so tat u should not be in trouble later.

Bin

Answer 9

Fitadeys, it might be your true love but is it for that girl ?

From what you said it seem its more infatuation from her part , she is trying to catch your attention and somehow has succeeded in doing so, she has created the caring effect towards her, you have feeling for her that's from you but is she feeling the same for you, at this age I guess not .

at this age girl/boy rarely fall in love , they don't even know what it really mean, but at your age you know and you are in love , but for teens it's more infatuation, you are just an attraction to her which surely will subside in coming time..

If you propose her am sure she will say YES but has this relation any future you are well placed to answer that, age is not an issue , in any relation one need to be younger and other one older and when you love someone all these re secondary .

Are you ready to wait for her, are you ready to let her complete her studies let her build up her career, and the biggest question is she ready to form part of your life.

there are so many questions and believe me you are well placed to find an answer to all these ?

If you find all these answers to be positive then talk to your parents and formally ask for her hand and set your engagement , let both families give you benediction  and  give your relation a name not that of a teacher and student but fiance .

All the best buddy.

Answer 10

Hello friend,

You need to differentiate between between love and work. Dont love in office and dont do office work in home. That girl's parents trusted you and having you as her tuition teacher and they want you to be the teacher of their child and not a bridegroom. Give respect to your profession. Dont get a bad name. Loving your colleague is ok. But loving your student will impact your professional life in future. So be careful. Because no parents will ask you to have tuition for their child in future.

Also the age difference is too high. Assume her as your younger sister. Dont see her as a sexual object. What if your daughter's tuition teacher do the same to your daughter in future.

Answer 11

Very easy to guess you are a teacher, because you can state a complicated issue in a very simple way.

She is a minor and about 11 years younger. Moreover she is your student, not a object that you should judge as your future life partner.

This types of relationship never works, because she is 16, to her every man is a new book, as you are close by you are the favourite one right now. A girl can really value her liking and come to real sense after 19. All the relationship I have seen that ended bad, ofcourse I havenot seen more than 3.

No you shouldnot express any feeling, no matter how eager she is, she is legally minor.

If so, nope, there is no if so. It shouldnot happen.  You ar getting paid to teach her, dont backstab the people who are responsible for bringing food on your table.

Comments

thanks for ur reply oye.

But I differ from you that being a teacher appointed by her parents I m backstabing them. I have high regards for them and will never marry her without their consent. Moreover, tuitions are my parttime engagement as I like to teach in my free time. Can u plz be more specific about the details of the 3 similar cases u were talking about? Maybe those experiences might guide better. But plz share only true instances.

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16 is a very highly emotional age, by backstabbing I am talking about in extreme case you two elope and get married. If your current mentality remains in sane state, I dont see any issue. But you need to keep some distance from the girl, you never know if she makes a mistake out of emotion and later on Police run after you for something which was not in your mind.

Out of three cases, one was eloping with the teacher on tender age around 16, soon the attraction faded and she came home, that teacher was absconding as she filed a report that she was abducted.

Second one, they went together, initially the girl's parents went for Police case, later withdraw all, but never allowed her in the family back. They are not having a great time as she was from a rich family. Still she is hanging on her love, not sure how long can afford.

Third one, the teacher was a womanizer cum paedophile. She came back home soon enough finding he was not having sex alone with her, any new girls, somehow he would manage his way to enter in their pants.

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thank you so much oye,

I will try to leave her after her exams. Sometimes I too feel that its very unethical on my part to be involved in such a relationship.

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You felt unethical, thats what I was looking for. Listen to your consciouness, that is good enough. Our conscious or inner mind knows what is right and wrong, that decides our moral value, ethic, support, not support and all. That inner mind can drive your brain towards someway to calm down or get excited.

Good to see you are hearing your inner mind.

Answer 12

Thanks again to all of you for ur valuable suggestions.

I may sound a bit more confused but this is what I have turned these days.

If I can't marry her I should never let her know my feelings. Thanks Dan for the elaborate reply. I can wait for her my entire life but I should atleast know how she feels about me.

I don't want to her hurt her by expressing my feelings, which she will get in case she considers me as a caring and good teacher.

I will try my best to leave her after her papers. If she loves me the same way as i do,somehow we will be together someday. Bcz I can wait for her my entire life if I get to know that she love me.

Rest I do not know what to say but do pray for me please. I m in such a situation which I never expected would never like to be again. Teaching is my passion and even while teaching her I give my 100% except for her distractions.

Rgds to all well wishers.

Answer 13

it would be better to send the entire media crew after you .... rest we will come to know on news


don`t get too much indulge on such hideous acts ... simply abstain yourself from doing all these things... this are only distraction in the way of human being.

Comments

dear xpktv2000

Plz don't reply to such posts if u r not serious. Ur earlier reply (which got 3flags) is contrary to ur present reply. What exactly do you want to suggest?