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How to refrain my brother from this unhealthy relationship ? [closed]

asked Feb 9, 2012 in Questions by anupritagirl (140 points)
closed Aug 4, 2012 by longhands1
Dear anjali mam,
I am not sure whether I should be putting this question here but will be very helpful if you help me in this matter.
I am a 24yr old girl. My elder brother 27, has got into a very unhealthy relation with our 20yr old full time maid girl. Two months back, when I came home unannounced, I caught both of them red handed nude. This girl was performing oral sex on him. When they saw me they stopped and my brother practically fell at my feet not to disclose this to our parents.I was very reluctant but due to his incessant pleading and cajoling so far I have kept mum.
The problem is they still continue to indulge in sexual activities at my back.
My brother confessed last week, that he is very careful and has never done intercourse but smooching, oral, fondling etc which they do on each other is something which he is unable to stop himself. also this girl has been extremely willing to continue this with my brother, When I spoke to her saying she likes him very much.
I am really at my wits end, don't do as a younger sister what do I do? I love my brother very much and know if my parents get a wind they will throw him and maid out of the house.
I am just worried that its been 4 months according to my brother that they are doing all that, what if the girl starts to blackmail or ask for money etc later on.
Please help me what can i do for my brother?
closed with the note: Closed as over 6 months old

16 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
I don't think that you are doing good by keeping this fact away from your parents..
Sex is such a thing that it never mind the person,time and place..
It is not too late to save your brother's life..
Today they are just doing oral and tomorrow they can not restrict themselves to enjoy in full extent..
And your expectation may become true and she may blackmail your brother later..
Let your parents to decide what to do and if possible it will be better to replace the maid with an old one..
answered Feb 9, 2012 by Krish01 (3,740 points)
commented Feb 9, 2012 by land crusier (3,145 points)
Nice answer krish. You are absouletly correct she should bring this matter to her parents.
0 like 0 dislike
What are you waiting for ? That maid to get pregnant!
If this relations continues then surely there will be a disaster in you and family life.
You tried to solve this matter yourself by talking to your brother and that maid but you got no solution.
As Mr. Krish said its really not  late. They are not getting it. Bring this matter to your parents now. They will make a solution out of it. Don't delay anymore. Go to your parents and explain them every things.
Just think what a disgrace will it be if something goes wrong! For you and ofcourse your family. So to avoid disgrace and for the sake of reputation of your family tell them.
Its better to solve a matter between the 4 walls of home rather being a living the rest of life with shame.
Don't delay !
Good luck.
answered Feb 9, 2012 by land crusier (3,145 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Anuprittagirl,

I fail to understand what is your problem on this.  Your brother and the maid both are adult and they are having consenting penetrative or non penetrative sex. What is bothering you? Let them do what they are doing, just stay busy with your job. You are adult, if you have sex with someone, can your brother say anything? Nothing at all.

Whether she blakmails of not, thats your brothers risk, he is taking that. If he really is in love with this maid, you may end up accepting a marrage and calling her sister in law. Is this caste or social status bothering you?

In number of hospitals doctors get married to murse, Boss marries to receptionist, I dont see what is bothering you here. Two consenting adults mentally and physically attracted, let them stay in peace.  Dont poke your nose on other people's privacy, else soon someone will also poke their nose on your private life.
answered Feb 10, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I agree with what Oye said.

aupritagirl,your approach to this matter seems to be of controlling type. Your brother is 27 years old man. And you want to control what he is doing with his life,especially private one. Why?

Also,it is not clear to me why you even bother to hear what your brother is doing with that maid when they have sexual encounters. Why did you discuss with him whether he did vaginal penetration or just fondling,smooching,etc!!! Are you curious about their sex?

If your concern is only "blackmail" or "asking for money" or "pregnancy",well you can discuss that with your adult brother and advice him to be conscious about those. Not more than that!! Your brother,who is a grown up person now,should know better what to do with his life and what not.............Right?
answered Feb 10, 2012 by elitely (595 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Very critical situation for u.?
In one way, u can't tell this to ur parents. and control this from ur brother. u just concentrate on ur work. leave them alone. its there risk. if anything happens he will face. don't worry.
answered Feb 10, 2012 by raj009 (680 points)
0 like 0 dislike
what krish is telling is correct. Bring it to the notice of ur parents. U have noticed thee unhealthy sex relationship of ur brother and u r concern abt him which is good.
day may come when the maid may blackmail ur brother, and ur parents may come to know abt it. better if ur brother looks for a gf or let him get married. Speak to ur brother on this matter.

answered Feb 10, 2012 by bin (2,365 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Oho! What do we have here,another Shiney Ahuja? Sure your bro would go and see the first day first show of Ghost! I really admire this type of adventurous men! Anyway,my suggestion is that you tell your bro to remove each and every clue of their relationship after everytime they come closer. Because now no strictness can separate them anyway. Or you comission 1 or 2 of his trusted good male and female friends to taunt him on that case,so that he gets ashamed and refrains from making further advances towards that sexy maid!
answered Feb 10, 2012 by Kela (350 points)
0 like 0 dislike
we can't tell everytime that they are adults and are free to have sex. even in incest cases the ppl involved might be adults but we don't encourage that too by telling they are adults.

answered Feb 10, 2012 by bin (2,365 points)
commented Feb 10, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
edited Jun 20, 2014 by longhands1
I dont understand in which way its an unhealthy relationship. Its between two consenting adults, not blood related. It can be an Improper relationship but not unhealthy. A maid is a human being, not an animal.

Either way, the guy is going to get screwed later. Either blackmail by this maid, or after marriage, by her sister blackmailing him with maid-connection.

Personally I believe in right of privacy, neither I interfare not I want to be interfared. I never in my life checked my wife's mobile or laptop. And I never shave seen her checking my mobile or laptop. Mutually we respect the privacy part.
commented Feb 10, 2012 by phoolwati (325 points)
moved Feb 10, 2012 by dan
Dear Anupritagirl,

You are afraid because that's not as per society norms. Secondly, you have spoken to both of them and warned them of the risks involved.

Now, it is your brother, aged 27 years, who has to work out a way so that he does not get caught red handed by others & at the same time, shrewd enough not to get black mailed by the maid.

I am sure you will not blackmail your brother on this count any time later to your advantage.

I view it purely as an opportunity your brother got & both are getting the love potion from each other, you consider it as un-noticed after informing your concerns to both of them & act the normal way with both of them.


commented Feb 11, 2012 by elitely (595 points)
edited Feb 11, 2012 by elitely
Hi bin,

When two consenting adults have sex with each other without hurting others DIRECTLY in the society,it should not be considered unethical. I understand that this hypothesis will contradict with many other ethics that society holds. But the whole ethical issue is just relative. One rule of ethic can't be implemented to the whole society in general and all the time. There could be several different variations of a situation in Normative ethics.

Incest so far we know is not helpful for human society. It directly harms the human gene,and creates deformed human being in the society. This is one of the important reasons why even if incest sex is consensual between adults,it is not acceptable,like other consensual adult relations(like the one above!!).

Our gene is also somehow programmed to go against incestuous relations!!! Gene tries to protect itself from creating deformed human being in the society by not indulging in incestuous relations too much in the society. But our gene is not against other consensual adult relations.
0 like 1 dislike
Let them have sex:-Dont worry about them:-)
if u r intrested then join them:-)
answered Feb 10, 2012 by Shruthiarya (120 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Your brother is not a kid. He knows what is wrong or right. But I can understand your situation. You care for your brother that's good. So according to me yo have two ways for this.
1. Let your brother enjoy. But in this case you will always feel guilty that you don't do anything for him.
2. If you want your brother really getting out of this than you have to do something on your level. Be careful.
Solution: Tell your brother you will told whole story to your parents. Definitely again he will beg you to don't do this. You just warn him again & again. Sure he will fell on your feet & then you can do what you want.
But be careful from maid.
answered Feb 10, 2012 by ronnie (810 points)
commented Feb 10, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
Hi Ronnie , good to hear after so long Buddy, nice to have you back
commented Feb 11, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Welcome back Ronnie. Hope you will add up your clear conception like before on a regular basis.

Missed you brother.
commented Feb 11, 2012 by ronnie (810 points)
I will try my best for being here regularly.
1 like 0 dislike
There are two sides for this story, one they are adults and consenting there is nothing wrong in that perspective, but  if the roles were reversed will he allow you to do the same to a servant, no, because he dont want his sister in some trouble, so he would have kicked the servant out of home. same way as a sister there is nothing wrong in worrying about your brothers safety. Your brother is now thinking with his dick not with brain, he need a good shock to wake up and think with his brain and understand the problems it may arise, like black mailing, pregnancy, loss of money and even public harassment. So first talk to him and try to make him understand the situation and consequences and ask him to send back the servant, if he didn't get it properly then get help from the parents. Its your brothers life  you have responsibility to make sure that he is not in trouble.
answered Feb 10, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Change the maid before it is too late
answered Feb 10, 2012 by babal (155 points)
0 like 0 dislike

What a tricky situation!

Its not about consenting adults, and who is society to complain?
This is about your conscience and what you think is right, not what your brother thinks? This burden will always weigh on you, until you confide in someone, and that someone at present are your parents.

Have observed that some answers are letting your brother have his way. I say no-way.

Your parents will nip this problem in the bud. They will get rid of the maid. The rendezvous may still continue, but atleast it will be outside the house. Believe me your brother will not have the courage to meet this same maid outside the house.

Your brother will be pissed at you. But you have warned him enough times. Think of your reputation later when your friends come to know that your brother was/is sleeping with the maid.

answered Feb 11, 2012 by longhands1 (78,355 points)
edited Jan 6, 2015 by longhands1
0 like 0 dislike
Eventhough they are consenting adults to have sex, it is no doubt a family matter. This should be talked within the family involving your parents and then with the girl's parents.  Counselling is important at this stage. If they really love each other, let them marry and live happily ever after. If not, let your brother suggest what he intends to do. Accordingly you may think of other options.
answered Feb 11, 2012 by zena69 (1,825 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Since they are not having penetrative sex, and even if they are having. Whats the problem. On what ground will she blackmail him.
Just ask your brother not to maker her pregnant. Let him Have a protective sex and let him  enjoy.
If she tries to blackmail and if she is not pregnant you can easily say that she is just trying this stuff to snatch some money out of his pocket since there is no proof.
answered Feb 20, 2012 by undertaker (110 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Just go and discuss vit u r parents, before its too late.
answered Feb 22, 2012 by sasak (165 points)

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