weired problem between wife and me

Question

my age is 29 and my wife is 28 yrs old. we are married from last 3 years the problem is im not able to have sex with her until someone watch us i use to masturbate thinking someone is watching her beautiful boobs and ass and jerking his cock while looking at her. from last few weeks i started thinking about getting fucked from someone. i tried many times to get undress her while getting curtains away she resist first but then agreed to it. i just feel like mastubating thinking about her everyday..but not able to penetrate ...i gve it a try thinking about the same while fucking but failed to do that..i love when someone sees her cleavage and looked at her boobs it makes me excited.
   I dont know whats wrong with me i really want to quit this thinking about her and want to have a healthy sexual life but im not getting out of it.i cannot talk with her about this . pls pls help me out with that!
p.s i do sex only 1 time in a 6 months.

Answer 1

People have different fetishes, my thought is, you are too engrossed with exhibitionism and vouyerism, its in obsession mode.

Essentially fantasy is okay, but next step is strong fetish. If fetish engrosses you, or gets in your obsession, your regular sex life will be hampered.  That precisely is happening.

Anyway, seems you dont love you or unable to love her, that's why your thought is her being loved by someone else. And once in six months, means you are almost asexual, people like you shouldnot get married and spoil another person's life.

Comments

wah once in six months, its tooo much for her to have a husband like this.

Answer 2

You are an unlucky person with a lucky wife. Your wife is very lucky because she is going to be fucked by different people with your help.
Try to avoid such thinking lest your case is going in the way I have said.

Answer 3

Your fantasy has reached an obsession stage and unfortunately not much can be done , its better you seek some professional help.

Anyway all in your mind , control the same all will be ok.

Can also try yoga and meditation but for that still you got to control your mind and thoughts.

All the best.

Comments

I agree with a professional help for this guy. He is too weird.

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Do mention Pussycat what professional help he requires.  To me looks like he needs physiological and psychological help.

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I too mean that bro.

Answer 4

hi Mani. I think u have a very weird fetish. Better to consult a professional doctor in ur hometown chennai.
 Thinkin of sharing ur wife with someone in ur thoughts is not a good thing.reduce rate of masturbation and try to use start stop technique when u feel llik ejaculating. Respect ur wife and love her.

Bin

Answer 5

Mani, u r suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.. U r obsessed with vouyerism as in liking to watch ur wife being fucked by someone else, and exhibisionism as in liking people watch u while having sex..
Sex is something that happens between a couple.. Dont bring in other people.. Try controlling your thoughts.. If it still persists, u need advice from a professional, not a sexologist but a psychologist..

Answer 6

There is NOTHING wrong with you. What you are experiencing is a natural phenomena! You are somewhat experiencing the good old "cuckhold" phenomena of males. There are biological,historical,anthropological reasons for such feelings.........Our ancestors used to live in small (100-150 person) nomadic hunting/gathering groups prior to the rise of agriculture. There they used to have sex with multiple partners. Men of that time used to get eroticized by seeing/hearing other men sexing a woman. Male seems to be still carrying this program!!!

This is one of the reasons why,males are more interested in porn movies than females. Men need to WATCH the female getting fucked by other males(even if it is in porn movie). This heightens male's sexual stimulation!! Our ancestors used to do it live.

Not only this,the most important biological(evolutionary) reason for "cuckhold" phenomena in a male is,this erotic response encourages males(the husband!!) to create "sperm competition" through multiple insemination in a woman!

Male's quick ejaculation of sperm is an interesting example of a women's taking multiple partners. Men's style of "quick" sex helped our ancestors to create a situation where a female could sex with multiple male. A male releases his sperm quickly so the woman can get another male,and thus collect a wide variety of sperms. On the other hand,Women's sexual "style" of warming up more slowly than men,but then having the ability and desire to go and go is the other side of this asymmetry. Note that a woman seems to have insatiable sexual desire. It is too difficult to satisfy a woman's sexual desire,because women are naturally created to take multiple partners one after another or at once.

I'm giving all these examples(from evolutionary point of view)to show you that your problem is NOT a problem. It is just the way nature plays with its creations. There are so many things that we have tried to change through nurture. But we are still carrying a lot of programs of our ancestors "naturally",and "cuckhold phenomena" is one of them.

I would not recommend you to get to the so called "psychologist". But if you have to get to a psychologist anyway,then chose someone that is too open minded,educated and liberal in his views. Remember that there was a time in past when even the "psychologists" would label the orgasm of women to be "sickness". You are NOT ill or abnormal. You are just the way you are. Nothing wrong with this. I would recommend you to study this "situation" yourself,and then decide which way you should go. Read books on our ancestors,how agriculture changed human civilizations,and sexuality of our ancestors of the nomadic hunting/gathering groups,where 95% of human being existed as "humans". You would realize that what you are feeling now was so natural during that 95% periods of human existence.

You also need to talk to your wife about this. I don't think,your sexual orientation can be modified/twisted/curve fitted by  the so called mental doctor!! I wouldn't suggest you to indulge in your sexual orientation,because I don't know about your surroundings,social structure,financial condition,etc. You need to decide on your own what is gonna work for you,give you happiness and peace.

But whatever you do,whatever other say,remember that you are NOT abnormal. You are also not the first person to feel in such a way...........

Comments

wonderful response...specially because it has been delivered with acute sensitivity towards the person who has mustered the courage to come out with it. It also takes amazing amount of self awareness to be able to identify the fault and the willingness to correct it.

Sometimes I wonder why we all can't be sensitive and play with the emotions of another for the sake of a few laughs. I have been told that its the person's problem if they cant handle a bit of a sense of humor but I tend to feel it the job of the person making fun to see if it will be taken well and not hurt any sensitivities.

once again...good job.

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Thank you,sg, for trying to understand what I wanted to convey. I really feel,we should be very friendly,sensitive,open and non-judgemental to the persons who are opening up their minds to us,requesting for help.....Calling someone 'sick' just because he/she is different than us is not going to solve anything. Rather,it's gonna hurt the person in problem,make him feel rejected and unloved,and shut him/her down forever.

Answer 7

 

Elitely, I agree to a lot of logics you have mentioned, but I have my own logics too. I stdied on Anthropology too, out of curiosity.

A female dominated society and multiple sex partner had a reason earlier.  The reason is not satisfy the woman's sex hunger, it was keeping the property together. When a man doesnot know its his child or not, he tends to stay together with others assuming its the whole family's property. The best example is what was being followed in Polynesian maternal society. 

By having common children, they would give equal importance to all the children, they would not ask to give a piece of land alone, rather remained as collective property for agriculture and hunting to share food. 

Secondly, on this guy, I do believe he needs a treatment, both psychologically and physiologically. Get a hardon and sex once in six month is a physiological problem. And only get that thinking of wife being shared must have derived from extreme obsession on his fetish. Yes, he is a cuckold, and he is not alone. But most cuckold you will find are due to their incapability to satisfy, yet a guilty feel that he is not doing the right thing by depriving, thats why get a substitute.  In rare cases wives ask for bringing more men.  So I feel he needs a psychological evaluation as a couple to check that if she is okay with the concept as he is.

 

Answer 8

Hello Oye,

I was not talking about maternal or patriarchal society. I was only mentioning male-female sexual relations of our ancestors of thousands years ago,before the agricultural society had emerged. Somehow we are genetically related to them. Nomadic hunting/gathering groups were not male-female centered mostly.

You are right when you say,before the agricultural society,people in hunting/gathering groups used to share everything-from food to shelter. They had common children. And like all other things,they also SHARED sexual partners. And this is the point I am highlighting here. Our ancestors used to share sexual partners. And this "sharing tendency" of sex partners seems to be still in our gene. That is why,we see so many incidents/queries on "adultery", "sharing partners", "sex outside marriage",etc.

Nature created a war of sperm in our ancestors to select the best possible future generations. Almost everything back then was dependent on natural selection. To ensure the "sperm war",female would take multiple males. A female's body is created for having multiple sex partners!!! The basis of evolution back then was "sperm competition", rather than externalized "the better man gets the woman and thus the better man's attributes win out" of our present time.

I found that the definition and explanation of cuckhold are changing among liberal minded people. But that is another issue. Again,in such case,if all parties(husband,wife and the third one) are consenting adults and get involved into sharing each other with consent,and they are happy with such settings,they should go ahead. The point is becoming happy without creating direct harm to others. If this guy(OP) thinks he is sick(just because we call him sick) and remains unhappy himself and makes other unhappy for that,then what is the point of such a life! I don't want to call anyone sick just because he/she has different sexual orientation.

Answer 9

Dear Mani,

Dont get stressed. Its normal. With so many things happening around. you have a different taste. so not get confused or feel bad about it. Try to be normal and everything fall on line.

Keep in touch for anymore help