Past sexual Relationships: should be revealed or not?

Question

Hai Rati mam,
It is said that after marriage one should know all about the other partner. All about their past life like, their boy friends or girl friends, their sexual relationships,  If we have a bad past should we reveal it voluntarily ? Should we need to know all about the other partner for a better marriage or can they have their own private life and privacy?

Comments

These are the types of question that proves the standard of this site has gone up. Sexual health doesnot mean dick and pussy problem, rather how people can have a better family life with proper sexual habit. I will reply on this later when I am a bit free. Our blog has lots of good readers, they can write good replies if questions like these comes.

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It's better to reveal... so that, there would be nothing to hide & fight due to it in the future between lovers/married couples.

I believe, It gives "the other" half to accept the truth, digest the past reality & making a decision... to move on (or) to break up depending upon their wise thinking.

If the partners make promise to each other carry love, trust & loyalty of their relationship honest manner. They will overcome all troubles & downs of married life together... Instead of seeing it trouble they will build Foundation upon it & get stronger which eventually enlightens their happy & successful personal and professional life.

(Irrespective of time constraint I answered this question... just to share my views upon the subject presented here)

Answer 1

Its a pretty tough question to reply. Trust me, its such a question, that there is no right answer, you go this way, you are wrong you go that way you are wrong.

On principle I follow certain things, among them one is I am honestly dishonest. You may laugh at this, but this is truth. I am dishonest in number of ways, but I am honest to accept I am dishonest.

What do I have to do for that? The best thing is to keep calk, not to talk unpleasent issue, not to ask unpleasent issue and not to step into other's privacy. If people honestly respect the other's privacy, he can maintain his own privacy.

Sex before marriage in liberal culture is very much accepted. Its so accepted that if someone is virgin, everyone gets curious on his/her sexual orientation. Sex in conservative culture (if any still officially exists) is the opposite, they dont want to agree on anything in public.  Of course you have to keep in mind, in none of these culture no one boast around what they have done and how many and which way, but somewhere its accepted somewhere it is not.

Rather than pushing someone to tell a lie, why not let it go? I personally feel talking on this or sharing this is not required. Someone asking about this also should be stopped. And someone trying to dig the past is a crime. Its better to leave everythiing behind. As I say, past we cant do anything, present we cant do as walking with us, but we can change the future by doing something good today. Lets do that good.

On a final note, I would say, its better to avoid the past sex or love or affair completely except one thing. If someone has a different sexual orientation, he or she should make it clear. Like a gay going to get married on family pressure, he should come out of the closet and say he was gay with gay acts, so heterosexual life might not be active.

A request to Pussycat and other members, ask good questions like this.  The question should be so good that if makes you think for hours on what should be the reply.  My vote is, respect privacy, share only what is a must to share.

Comments

Great replay yaar..........
But if you hear something bad about your partner from some one or when you know that some one is laughing behind you for the deeds of your partner,  which you don't know, cant it be little paining

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I told you, I am honestly dishonest. And I dont find any problem with that.

Its not right to encourage people, but I wish people would had premarital sex to understand their need and libido. If that was the case, then noone would have this "little pain" feeling.  If all are on the same boat, you can't say someone else didnot get to the water.

As long as someone doesnot taunt his her partner with her/his past life, it is okay. If my friends come with some interesting objects of my wife, trust me, either I already have had sex with his wife or I would have very soon.

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As always Mr Oye comes with a great reply.
Coming to your concern Pussycat, yeah I do understand it really pains and hurts a lot, how do you know that the person is not lying or just trying to create a difference between you and your spouse.
Anyway between spouse we better look at each other good qualities rather than bad qualities, and what to say about people they are always here to make gossip either its true or false, but with love comprehension and acceptance a couple can overcome any obstacle.
Just  one thing what will your spouse think about you if she happen to know  something you had done earlier.
Remember love comprehension and acceptance are true essence of a happily married life

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dan, but i can say ,a small suspection may start in your mind.which you cant spit out,if you spit it,there's no problem ,it will be over with a small quarrel,but,if you keep it in you,it will grow and grow,and one fine day it does what it has to do.(that would be again another long story.)

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First of All thanks to Pussycat for asking such a nice question.

Oye Brother.........

I every time love to read your each and every answer of good question and particularly answer of this type question, I like to follow and i do follow and behave with your these  thoughts.  The  sentence about reality i.e  " past we cant do anything, present we cant do as walking with us, but we can change the future by doing something good today. Lets do that good. " its great.

Thanks for sharing your good views on every matter. thanks

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Thanks awesome. Sometimes I reply for the sake of reply, sometimes I get moved by the question, I would like to reply again as I kept thinking of this question.

Answer 2

it depends,pussy cat.if your partner is broad minde and can forget as past is past,yes,its good to reveal,but,if not,its a problem for lifetime .but if its a harrassment from the past ,its better to reveal.

Comments

sagar-ilus, you left last part  unanswered, which is the most important part of discussion

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aw aa...!!you have edited the question.oh k the second part i will write,below

Answer 3

Its better to over look the past . After all we are human , so it does effect now and then.

Comments

your answer didnt touch the last part of he discussion

Answer 4

I have read somewhere that in Mahabharata (Bhagvad Gita?) it is written that.."..untruth may be told if it serves as an instrument of truth and that TRUTH should not be Reveiled if its effect is untruth "...

Well, i don't know about others' philosophies,but i admit that i am an ardent believer of this dictum..!!!

Well,if someone is in such a situation,he/she should judge for himself/herself the gravity of the situation,what would be the possible reactions and consequences and wheter  to tell or witheld the truth...

... and if truth be Unfolded,it should be done in the right opportunity,the right moment, in a very delicate, humble and careful way, followed by humble and sincere Apologies immediately..!!!
But i would like to repeat myself..that Some personal privacy  secrets are better kept as secrets...!!!

Answer 5

Thats a great question pussycat.
Its better to reveal all past sex escapades,  but has to be done in and broad manner also your wife should be broad minded too, we can tell all the number of girlfriends , sexual act but mind it not in details and never never go in detail or try to compare one with another, if you do that you are doomed.
And its always better that your spouse know about you from yourself rather than from a relative or even frrom your ex.
In my opinion your spouse should share his / her part of past ex - Sexperiance but let it come form her side , one need not to ask, if she is not willing to share we need not force.
Regarding a better marriage its more the present and future that counts how we behave and how we lead our life, the past has no place in it. its our present action that will determine our future and if we stick to our past we can neither enjoy our present and build our future.
My opinion, we [ husband  & wife ]  forget the past , enjoy our present and we together build up our beautiful future together.

Comments

its really a tough one to say!!!frankly speaking ,its better to know about our life partner.because after marriage,if we come to know anything about her through  someone else!!it would be really painful to accept it.so,i would suggest to stay open.so that,the misunderstandings between the partners would be minimal.

Answer 6

It depends on ur partner's thinking...

Answer 7

In this 21st century you will hardly find virgin girl and so also boys without girlfriend (though availability of single boy is still there.)
so the girl you are going to marry might be someone's girlfriend or lover.
So what i think that in first night husband and wife should tell each other about their past life so that when ever any odd situation come regarding that matter in future than both can solve that problem together .
The discussion should start from the husband .
coming to 2nd part, if these facts are not discussed earlier, than if such odd situation come in future then husband may say you have not told me about this earlier, or you betrayed me etc etc.
Or so also wife say.
And if some one is 100% confident that his /her past life will not create any problem in future then no need to disclose all those matter.

Answer 8

Reveal things in past that matter or helps or affect future and help to get it better.  Reveal your choices/fantasies etc.. so partner can contribute to keep you happy in future.. whats the point in re-opening the case for something you already lost at the end of that relationship.. When you are going to apply for a new job, you never say why u were fired in last job...even a criminal gets a chance to live normal life after serving the term.. and consentual sex is not a crime ...

Answer 9

You already have it in your words.

Past is past. You have dont anything new to learn in life from the words inside a closed chapter. as long as it doesnt prevail in the present.
Then why open it and start life from the past again?

Answer 10

Thank you every one for participating in this discussion.

For me known devils are better than unknown devils. So I prefer a candor among couples, so that it will give more transparency and trust among each other.

Answer 11

best is to say ur partner that u had a affair thats it. But nt any thing beond it. Thats means nt to disclose about ur sexual relationship. This will spoil ur life. Always b in safer hands.