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Hai Anjali Aunty,

I am 27 year old male. I have a girlfriend who is 23 years old.  We are very close to each another. We indulge in sex atleast once in a month by going out of the city. We both love and care for each other and we used to talk 5 or 6 times over the phone every day. What I mean to say is I am somewhat possessive with her and she is blindly possessive towards me.

The problem is, we both are aware that we cannot get married due to some reasons. Like you know caste, family status etc and one more issue is, my younger sister had a love marriage and my girlfriend’s elder brother also had a love marriage with a girl from another caste. My family and ofcourse her family are facing a lot problems/ bitter experience due to that.

During some of the family meets, I have heard some of my relatives talking about the adverse effects of love marriage. They take my younger sister’s life as an example. Both of the love married couples are not doing good and all of our relatives know that. Because of that, a lot of issues are faced by both of the family everyday.

So I do believe that if I expose my love to my parents, they definitely won’t accept that. They will be just broken. She too will have the same problems if she will exposes her love to their parents. Her father will surely kill her. We are very confused.

Finally considering all the facts and wishes of our parents, after a lot discussion we concluded that each should get married according to our parents wishes. I am somewhat convinced that I can carry on with my marriage life but she says that she can’t maintain without me. She tells me that she will need me even after our marriage. She is confident that we both can maintain our secret relation/affair even after our marriage.

I am scared about the consequences and sometimes my mind puts myself at the place of my future wife. Surely I can’t tolerate if I got to know that my wife have an affair with another guy. But my girlfriend is adamant and firm that it should be continued. Now my parents have started seeking alliance for me. Her parents have also started the process. Hardly 6 months are left for both of our marriages.

Please help me friends. Shall I continue the relationship with her after my marriage? Sometimes I think that I can maintain it secretly. Or do we need to proceed our own life without any deviation? What I have to do? I am confused.

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16 Answers »

1. hi my friend,we can think your problem in two ways either in good way or in bad way.
   i hope you both are scarifising your future for the happiness of your parents but the illegal relations ships wont held for too long.the day or the other day u both lovers wll have some respect in the society and after some time you wil be come up with some kids also.
   then strats the real problem u cant continue ur realtion at that time if u planned to do also u will be in a serious problem since your wife thinks u should belong to her the same to your lover husband
   if your lovers husband can love her more than you then she wont remind of you and also if your wife also love more than your curent girlfriend u cant come out for it
   so to make your love life in real and honest and have some future which doesnt end for some sllly reasons go to the parents and tell them how much u love each other make them belive how u can survive in future
   and show confidence and hope and faith whyy because parents love there children happiness so convince and show them without your love u cant  be happy
   but illegal relation ship doestn works thats why its illegal u can manage up to some time but it wont have a future
    
   and also if your love is true and if you both are dedicated to yur selfs nothing can stop u making you both united check whther you have physical attraction or menal attraction.
   since for the step u are taking it will effect u both for coming future years either happy ending or saroow ending
   try to be brave and convinece your parents rather than having illegal affairs cheating your loved once after marriage
   be brave and conifident have faith in your love
   the day you started loving your girlfirend should be continued untill your last breath and u have to make it a win and sucees to share your precious love to her life long.
   she belives you blindly and she dont want to loose you  dont leave her on behalf of your parents.they wont come untill your death.try to convince them.
   u will win all the best.

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   Answer by kalyan — April 28, 2010

2. Extra marital affairs should NOT be encouraged by anybody. It destroys 3 persons (excluding the devastating effect it will have on the kids when it becomes public), one of which is totally not at fault. Both of your tried to take the relationship to the next level. But due to family reasons both of you have come to the conclusion that the current relationship can not take the next step. Thus it is better for everybody to terminate the current relationship and move ahead in life. Do NOT keep any contact with each other for some time. It is not easy to implement but you have to think of your futures.
    
   Eager_Beever

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   Answer by Eager_Beever — April 28, 2010

3.  
   You stop in whatever relation you are. But be sure that none of you two are in love. Love strengthens people. But your relation has weakened you. You have no right to dream of love even. Love is not for cowards.  Gabbar Singh ne kaha tha JO DAR GAYA, SAMJHO MAR GAYA. (Sholay nahin dekha kya?). You please, marry as per your parent's wish and stop blaming LOVE for your cowardness. Don't spoil other's time by posting this type of non-sense question to any website.
   Also don't try to enter her marriage life.
   Take care.

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   Answer by Eric — April 28, 2010

4. You marry some one who your parents arrange for you.
   I pray that, you get a girl who has shared her bed with her boy-friend, the same way as you are doing, of course JUST ONCE  in a month on an average! 

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   Answer by satish — April 28, 2010

5. if  you love each other , forget  what happen to other people, all marriage arranged by parents are also alway not succesful, you get to live life once, what after getting married by your parents choice both of  you  are unhappen.. you will be ruining life of  other two people also, think about  that also,  convice your parents , let them get to know you better, atleast try and get there premission, find out some happy couples who have got loved married and are livivng happily,both if you decide not to marry and get married by your parents choice I will adivce you not to meet  after your marriages, forget about  the past  and think about the future

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   Answer by babal — April 28, 2010

6. To confused to tk decision….

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   Answer by Picka — April 28, 2010

7. answer is simple…..u just cant sail on two boats….some day or other u will sink…….so choose now…..if u really love her….u will never ever marry another girl wht ever da concequences r(vice versa in ur gf case also)…ask urself b true to urself, if u can really live with out her, go with arranged marriage if not…….explain ur situation to ur parents….tht u cant live with out her n marry her n prove da world tht u really love her…………..good luck
    
   love shadow

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   Answer by shadow420 — April 28, 2010

8. It is Tough For Either of you to walk out free of the relation, We understand that .. But marriage is Not a simple affair .. It is something greater than the relation you share with your Girl friend now .. Marriage is a life long commitment, Where you take vows to care For One another and the siblings born out of the relationship .. Love is valid without commitments, but mariiage does not happen without Commitments from both the Partners .. So my Advice to you " If you want to continue your secret relation why do you want to spoil another person's life by 'Marriage' .. Both of You don't Want to hurt your parents but Don't mind Hurting a Unknown Person By Marrying(cheating) that person .. Get A Life, Don't marry Someone Else to make your parents happy .. If you do Really love that Girl, Marry that girl to show the strength of your Love .. Don't Be a Coward, Get a Life ..

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   Answer by rockstud — April 28, 2010

9. you are doing absolutely absolutely wrong….
   
   you are cheating with your wife……
   
   you can make him your very close friend ..
   
   aisi dosti karo ki khuda bi tumhari dosti tod naa payein.
   musibat mei ya bure waqt mei ache dost hi kaam aate hai..
   bhagwan na kare ki kabhi koi bura waqt aayei aapka ….
   kya aap dosti nahin nibha sakte?
    
   you can make mental relationship or friendly relationship but not any physical relationship with your girlfriend..
   
   its  a sin,,,
   
   what about your promises in marriage that u had done with your wife.that you will nver cheat her..
   
   later on you will feel guilt .. relationship is built on trust…
   
   anybody can make relations but only few can maintain it…………
   
   
   
   
   

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   Answer by comeondeepak_1991 — April 28, 2010

10. 
    Stupid people with stupid question.  Are you out of your mind?

    You are so called good boy listening to family and dont have the balls to stand against the rule.  But both of you have the courage to have a secret sex life. 

    Well you are a man, I understand your cock will rise on any free fuck.  But what is wrong with her?  This is not just adultary or extra marital affair, its much more being a mistress.

    Now sunshine, you tell me, when you get married to a sweet girl with your parents choice, and find that she is have a dual sex life with her ex, how would you react?  Shoould be proud, right?  You should be.

    I still am trying to figure out who you are, a balls less guy who cant stand on his right or a guy with courage to run two familities?  I really think you and your girl friend need professional help.  Pathetic man with pathetic thought.

    Go through religious book and law or the land, no where its allowed what you are planning to.

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    Answer by Oye … — April 29, 2010

11. I don't think the affair will last. Not just because you may get caught rather your life will get in the way. Even if you wanted, she may say no. Give it time and it will pass.
    But if you truly love each other then you should let your parents. Give it a shot. Don't think they will reject your love just because of the past. They might make a different decision. Just let them know. I think you both should let your parents know at the least before you throw everything away.

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    Answer by sivamdavid — April 29, 2010

12. Dear well wishers, thanks for all of your advice…answer by eric made me to think…but as he said i can't suddenly stop the relation, but i can say that it will be gradually reduced… Sathish  i have no way then to lead a life with her with complete love so that she won't like to go again to her lover.. and 'oye'  am strong enough to stand against anything but at the the same time i am caring and i do concern about others feelings, 'read the last sentence of my question… 'I AM CONFUSED'…  i thinks towards it from all the direction that is why am in dilemma…Rock thanks about the concern buddy..if i decided to marry her nobody have the guts to stand against me to stop,but that will hurt my surrounding peoples… i will try my best to avoid it after my marriage..
    thanks…
    benadict.. 

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    Answer by Bena — April 29, 2010

13. thers no question of continuing the relationship after marriage.if u really love her then you shud go ahead and marry her irrespective of your family wishes.how can u be sure tht u wont be caught having a affair with ur ex  grlfriend?if your caught then also the u will have to face the family.so best thing to do is to go ahead n marry her rather then thinking abt extra maritial affair with her.

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    Answer by meenakshi — April 29, 2010

14. my answer is very short, that is  A FIRM NO.
    u both should move on if u cannot marry her.
    both of u must be be faithfull to ur respective partner. what ever your reason may be , but what is the fault of  the women u r goinig to marry, or the man who is marrying ur ex gf. dont make suffer a third person for ur cowardiness or  respect, fear or what ever  for ur parents

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    Answer by samrendra — April 30, 2010

15. Putting a Full Stop to your GF (now Ex-GF) relationhsip would be a good option for you to survive happily in life. Rest is your decision.

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    Answer by TakeMyShit — May 5, 2010

16. dont do it…if u wanna fool around then dont freakin get married…
    dont destroy lives man

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    Answer by marty — June 25, 2010

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