I am 30 plus married women, a working women, having a kid.  I was born in abroad as my parents are NRI but after marriage broughtup there in india so i always prefer western culture ahead of indian culture although after marriage I am compressing myself as I know indian society is all different from western one.

My husband is conservative and over religious indian men and the worst part of his personality, that he thinks that "sex is an obstacle in the way of God and religious stuffs". Let me inform you that we are sexually sepraed from last couple of yrs, even he was bounded to be married because of his parents but unfortunately i get to know all this after mariage, so when once we had a kid, then he completely turns into religious stuffs, although he is a businessman, also tours abroad, but still he has same attitude, so our married life is good apart from sexual life but sex plays a crucial part in married life so its so frustating for me.  To be true I had extramarital sex through escort services while touring to abroads but i am really frustrated about my sexual life and i can't even share all this with anyone in my reallife.

So just would like to read views of some matured married personalities. As I feel that its good to share your problems without revealing your identity. hopefully good and practical replies will come.

Thanks, Shelly

Oye … 's comment: Please dont start sending your contact details.  The questioner is asking for exchange of views, not contact.

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11 Answers »

1. Please visit a marriage counseller (both of you). Your husband should be made aware of the necessacity of sex which also is your legal right. He is not attending to his responsibilities.
    
   Eager_Beever

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   Answer by Eager_Beever — April 14, 2010

2. shelly y dont u have a discussion with your hubby abt it?tell him wat your needs are?n also make him understand tht for the relationship to work out his behaviour has to change

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   Answer by meenakshi — April 15, 2010

3. Not sure on the change to bring your hubby mind set to normal, its not an easy also he is living with out sex for years with his mind set. Below is what I see as options for you
   Option-1: Standing near to our respectful culture on marriage and wife & husband relation, the safe, healthy and best respectable way I don't say its easy or simple…may be it is nearly impossible however use your brain bringing your hubby from his incorrect mind set to normal. There are several ways and tricky approaches starting with Art of living to effective hypnosis therapy (predominant option)
   Option-2: I guess you still very young though you have a kid if you see yourself and your desires are totally isolated and no way to fix them after all the trails and efforts you can think of separation and remarried with some one good and fit to your nature and desires managing your kid with out any issues. This is much better than using unsafe escort service.
   Option-3: After all you tried and tired with option-1 as no progress and do not wanted to go with Option-2 but could not control your sexual desires then still its very unsafe with the shit escort service in all the ways, better go with an affair, even few married females having affairs though they have a good n fit hubby. It is the least option.
   Wish you good luck and let us know what makes more sense practically.

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   Answer by braves — April 15, 2010

4. Dear shelly,
   I personally feel you can have  sex  affair with ome one you like with consent of your hubby and if you husband feel to keep you happy.Since  he feel sex is religious and Iam really  proud for  your  view with that broad approach . Pl write to me about your person view and i too share the same to you  , My id is  shashif2@yhaoo.com

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   Answer by rahul — April 15, 2010

5. it is not really easy to reply this but consider what your options are
   then through out paid service option as that can be too risky
   if you plan to keep anything secret you may carefully do so
    
   raj

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   Answer by raj143 — April 15, 2010

6. Eager Beaver is spot on.  You need to visit a marriage counsellor along with your husband. And get some sense into your husband…
    
   Regadrs,
    
   Mithoooonda

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   Answer by Mithoooon — April 15, 2010

7. People(Men) Why Are you So Horny( Rahul)  .. Everybody Gets their Share of Sex, Why Are you rushing things Like Giving Your Personal Details Which Are Uncalled For .. If you do have your views of Support Or Knowledge to support the Lady in distress please Make them known, Else Can you Please Keep your ( ), you know what .. After Oye Has Reviewed the Question asking people to refrain from posting personal info, why are we doing this .. God Help this World Of —- ..

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   Answer by rockstud — April 15, 2010

8. 
   Your situation is quite an unfortunate yet common.

   We the people of this subcontinent do believe in lots of ethical issues.  These are not bad, but we have one life.  I dont find a reason to curb our feeling when we have options.  Good to see you are exercising some options, a lot of other girls women dont have that money to spend and be satisfied.  And again at the end your culture stands as a blockade, the guilty feel. 

   If you dare to cross the line, dont look back and feel bad.  If you dont, repent through the life.  What you are doing is not bad.  If your guy is so fanatic, you can leave him too.  I dont see any change is going to happen unless both of you seat with an expert and discuss openly.   You have your need, he might not have.  Thats the problem.

   You know, in Islam sharia, there is a rule on divorce.  Its called 'Ila Talaak'.  If a married couple live under same roof share same bed, and have no sexual relationship, there is an automatic talaak after 66 days, unless otherwise.  (exception is, before the child birth, after the child birth).  Whats the paoint of being married to a guy sleep together and lead a life like brother-sister?

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   Answer by Oye … — April 16, 2010

9. Hello
   there is nothing bad you know most of religious guru's goes for sex … soo he may be having some extra affair and had not liked to get involved with sex  with your or has going external affairs there lots of online friends which can help you in this kind of thing you visit them dont give numbers and nor anything just try out any friend whom can save your privacy for your satisfaction… and most the least no one is more then your satisfaction if you can call escorts then get some free indian boyz … but beware they are having your privacy friend not offenders…

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   Answer by Dear Friends — April 16, 2010

10. i am Also A Business man But Due to by business i have no time to marry know i am 31 years my parents are searching girl for me but in these days i am also badly cover with sex frustration  i dont know what to do i am searching some for sex i am ot able to as i dot have much money for that or u can say i have now sex contact in my area but i am searching searching and searching because i know one day i will get

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    Answer by Babloo — April 18, 2010

11. hi,the prob with indian society is that  u cant press a husband to have sex with his wife,n its 100% true,but husband can press his wife,he will search for lots of excuses like divinity n much more,so u will hav to bear with dis prob best solution is try to seduce him………………

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    Answer by nura — April 30, 2010

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