Dear Anjali Aunty,

I am a 26 years old guy from Delhi. I am living here with my parents, a younger brother and a sister aged 23 years.

Coming straight to the question – my sister was dating a guy and then they got engaged one and half years back. After engagement, marriage was almost sure as it was acceptable for both the families. So considering their marriage time close, we didn't object my sister going out with him and spending time. They almost started living like husband wife and spend time together with all privacy.

During this period, my sister conceived once which put us in a big trouble and we were so upset until it was aborted successfully. After few weeks of this incident, my sister dumped him and completely refused to marry him. They got separated.

From a few months back, she has gotten a friend at her workplace and they are going seriously. My concern here:

1. She has started spending lots of time with her new guy. It worries me and I can see the anxiety on my parents face as well but unable to decide whether we should allow her to spend her time with him or not.

2. It will be bad to stop her as she won't be able to know him well unless she spends some time with him but the possibility of such regular sex with this new guys also may put her in trouble.

3. My wife says, my sister is taking precaution this time and taking morning pills but I am worried if taking such pills so regularly will have side effect on her and her baby in future.

Please suggest.

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9 Answers »

1. well dear friend i can undrstand ur problem coz one of my close family friend goes through this problem. well first you need to undertand sister is age range 23-26 this not very mature age for girls to understand relations properly. you know these days guys just need sex once they got sex they are not interested in relationships.. first tell her avoid sex before marriage at any cost..sex is after marriage charm let it live after marriage… i seen in my life those girls have done sex before marriage only 1% got married to those guys. second concern pills tell these are not toffies those she is taking as precaution every day or week or month. if guy is not using the condom and having relationship with other girls then ur sister might get std and other diseaes.. i think she is educated and can understand once she get any proeblem her future can spoil… no educated and normal guy will marry to her. she is playing with her future and life..so discuss these problem with ur parents and stop her from sexual addition and tell her try to settle down with some good guy.. who love her care for her and give her better future instead to day to day abortion and other problems..

   regards

   karan

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   Answer by karan — March 16, 2010

2. HI,
   once any one cheat by any person than it is difficult to girls. have faith to other boys but as you told that he is involve in new boy with sex with precurtiion.
   I advice you pls search a suitable boy for your sister and do the maariage of her. or told her to marry this new boy it is last solution of you problem. because she is of age 23.
   as of my knowledge you are not able to stop your sister to do the sex with boy, if she wants.
    
   Sanju.

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   Answer by sanju99682964 — March 16, 2010

3. She is an adult now and also financially independent. You can not force things upon her against her wishes. If she has not learn her from her first experience, then I doubt if she ever will. Having sex before marriage to understand a guy – wow what a concept!! If she is taking pills then she is not understanding the consequences. It will be better if your parents have an open talk with her and make aware of her about the consequences of the actions taken by her. That is the only option with you.

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   Answer by Eager_Beever — March 16, 2010

4. Oh… so bad.., these younger generation involving in PMS and EMS. (pre marital and extra marital sex)… Everyone should condemn this.

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   Answer by satish — March 16, 2010

5. Why is it important to have sex to know a potential husband, that too regularly ?  She is becoming a whore step by step. She is going to be addicted to sex with novelty. Later on, she will require multiple sex partner by default. Moreover, the person who will marry her finally will get a loose pussy to hump. and a sagged pair of boobs to knead. Leave alone the possibility of STDs. In the society also, she will cease to be respectable. Any  philanderer will fall after her for sex. Rest is upto you, guys. Stop her forthwith. Tell her about  family prestige and take prudential decision.

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   Answer by arnold — March 16, 2010

6. 
   First off, she is adult and has a right to chose a partner.  Rather than changing partner, she is steady with one.  Its perfectly okay, do accept that.

   Secondly, she was engaged and had sex and aborted and dumped him.  I find that to be a very good approach.  The person she will be spending whole life, she should know him closely, try find out mental attachment and physical attachment.  Getting close to him, she must have found something wrong, so she dumped him.  Its good for her, except the unplanned pregnancy part.

   This guy she is exploring, I again feel is good for her to chose if he is the right guy.  Both mental and physical compatibility has to be there.  Do accept her wish.

   Morning pill are not good for long run, rather she should ask him to use condom, thats much more preferred to prevent unplanned pregnancy and STD.  At least cal go for monthly pill which are less harmful. 

   In Western countries a guy a girl spend lots of time together before marriage, which doesnot happen in subcontinent.  People should have a choice to find the real person, find whether they are mentally and physically compatible.  That should make a marriage work better than just arranged marriage.  But funny enough, the divorce rate is much higher for them after all these compatibility tests called dating.  Cheating is also much higher among them.  You can tell your sister that after all her tests, still the life can go just like western fucked up.  Rather she should take a quick decision on whom to spend the life with.

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   Answer by Oye … — March 16, 2010

7. HI Mukesh,

   First up – a few words in support of your sister. She is an adult and an educated financially independent woman. You have got to respect that and the perks that come with it. I do not know why she dumped her ex-fiancee, but normally it takes a lot of guts for a girl to call off a wedding. I have a feeling that you sister knows what is best for herself and knows how to take care of herself. She has been knocked out (pun intended) once and I am sure she will take all precautions to avoid that in the future.

   I realise that you and your parents are anxious for your sister, but come on – at 23, don't tell me that you are going to dictate whom she spends more time with or less. Instead take her into confidence and convey your fears and apprehensions to her. I am sure she will respect your opinion.

   Instead of speculating on her sleeping with new guys as you said, ask her how serious she is with this guy and what does she think of the future. Do not enforce your decision on her.

   Please advise your sister to use a combination of condoms and oral contraceptives for effective protection from STDs and pregnancies. Condoms are a must for the kind of lifestyle she is leading. Also if she is having sex on a regular basis, advise her to take monthly pills rather than morning after pills. Morning after pills are emergency contraceptives and are not meant for sustained regular use. Monthly contraceptives are quite safe and effective to use on a regular basis.

   Take your wife into confidence as she seem to have a good rapport with your sister regarding this issue. Best of luck.

   -Anjali

   
   

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   Answer by Anjali — March 16, 2010

8. There is only one word answer to this – talk.
   Talk – in the most polite and understanding way with a desire to fulfil her wishes and keep urself in place of her and try to understand her, she would need ur support, care and love forever. be a best frn cum elder bro

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   Answer by lusty_lover — March 17, 2010

9. err..sorry but i would like to disagree with anjali aunty on this…I THINK PRE-MARITAL SEX IS A SIN…and no girl/guy should do that ,spoiling the familie's reputation … Mukesh ji…u must advise your sister to stop fooling around with guys...

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   Answer by coolhunk — June 1, 2010

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