Dear Anjali Aunty,

I am a 26 year old single guy and a few days back, I caught my 15 year old nephew watching porn. I am his guardian as his parents are going through a divorce. My question is – what is the right age to start sex education for a child? How do you initiate it and what are all the topics one should talk about ?

Thanks.

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8 Answers »

1. 15 years old and watching porn only?  I was quite an expert at that age.  I dont want to get nostalgic, lets look at your problem. 

   Well, 15 years old and getting sex knowledge, I dont think thats a crime, you shouldnot encourage by pretending that you didnot see.  You should confiscate and tell him you are the guardian and he should listen to you.  You dont want him to get encouragement at home.

   The children of this era are pretty fast to know things.  What you cant do is stop his curiosity, but what you should do is, no lesson at home.  I am sure a lot of people wont agree with me, they think sex education should be from home in right way etc etc… well there are also people who think hang by death or murderer killed in encounter is inhuman.  Let me be very straight on this, I think hang till death is right, I believe rather than going through legal process, a murderer killed in encounter is right.  I believe sex education among same age group children is the best way, not sex education by teacher or parents.

   When the coast is clear, your nephew can see some orno with his friends, a few days, he can watch in someother home.  But not letting him watch, you can be sure he will try out someother form, which might be worse.

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   Answer by Oye … — March 15, 2010

2. Quite a difficult situation….maybe his parents shuld get involved…..may be it is the result of the pressure he feels as a result of their divorce and he is venting it this way…..
   there are books like sex for dummies which u could give him ….it will help him approach sex ina proper way….
   rup

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   Answer by rupforfun — March 15, 2010

3. I think you are taking too much initiative. Give him his privacy and slowly he will learn about those things himself. You just need to be passively vigilant that he isn't going on a wrong path.

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   Answer by half-doc — March 15, 2010

4. Tell him those are adult films and not for teenagers. Tell him the reason is that it is a more of a distraction from studies. Engage him is extra activities, keep him busy. If he was watching it on a PC try and relocate the PC to a more open place.
   Hope this helps !!!
   

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   Answer by some1ulu — March 15, 2010

5. I know it is very difficult in our society to talk about sex to children, but from what i know and have done i can tell you 1 thing
    
   in the 10th class the gujarat education society has a chapter called life processes part 1 and 2, these talk about male as well as female reproductive organs, but we were told to do those chapter on our own when we were in school, that was i think the trend back in those days.
    
   recently i took it upon me to educate my boyfriends son in the knowledge of birds and bees, not like a bee comes and stings and then a baby is born or like in the hindi movies they show 2 flowers in a garden or thunder and then rain which means consumating is done and what all took place is upon our heads to know..coming back my boyfriends son is in the 11th standard and when i sat him down and asked him what all he knew he told me that he knew that the penis goes into a hole and then front and back motions happens and then after 9 months a baby is born, i sat him down and told him the complete facts, it was kind of ackward but i went through it, i also talked about same sex and bisexual feelings with him and he understood well, the idea here is to sit down and have courage in ourselves to tell them the complete facts and leaving nothing out, now days it is also adam and steve and eve and eve and not always adam and eve like it happened earlier. pls sit him down and explain him the facts, it will feel odd at the beginning but as you go along i will be a feeling of fullfillment rather than feeling odd…
    
   i hope this helps.

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   Answer by goli — March 17, 2010

6. slap him, and warn him, or try to find some one for him
   

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   Answer by FrankShk — March 17, 2010

7. Children are not thinking of sex only if they were in a vacuum, try to make his day so full  

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   Answer by darkmaker — March 17, 2010

8. This is a very good question and I am glad you are asking it. This question is also very tricky for parents or parent-figure like yourself. 
   Sex – is a very natural thing and especially at this age. Above except for "goli's " answer, all other answers are useless. As she suggested that's what you should do. However, instead of explaining sex just as a physical act, try to portray that as something which two people in love do, it is something special and our society asks that it be between married people. Also, talk to him about the benefits of abstinence - like first doing well in school and then making a career, and then indulging in sex. Talk to him about the importance of safe sex – in terms of high risks due to AIDS etc.
   Whatever you do, DO NOT get mad at him, DO NOT make him feel that by watching porn he is doing something wrong. At the same time, you necessarily do not have to agree with him either. Just downplay it. And also make sure that you convey to him that you are his friend and should he need any help or advise should come to you rather than getting ill information from his friends and other sources.
   Good luck. And remember patience and prayer always help.

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   Answer by A Parent — May 10, 2010

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