She screams, she moans, she thrashes, she pulls your hair and announces “I’m coming!” so loud that the neighbours can keep score. And yet, you still have your doubts. If you find yourself asking “Is my girlfriend faking it?” the answer, unfortunately, is probably yes. If you’re wondering this at all, you really need to ask yourself these two other questions: “Are you giving her a reason to fake it?” and “Would you even know a real female orgasm if you saw one?”

If your answers are “Yes” and “No,” or “I’m not sure,” welcome to today's Sunday Post. Finally a Sunday like old times.

Confusion about the female orgasm is understandable. By comparison, the mechanics of the male orgasm are easy to observe and comprehend:- Dick gets hard > Dick gets stroked / sucked / fucked > Dick shoots. 

Nothing mysterious there. Why can’t girls be that simple na? Well, We are just not made that way. Our sexual organs and arousal process are mostly internal. So unless she’s a squirter (i.e. she has female ejaculations), a woman has no outstanding external indicator that she’s having an orgasm. However, there are signs you can look for that indicate that she’s getting ready to come, she’s coming, or she’s already peaked.

Arousal – If she’s really aroused, her pupils may be dilated, her skin may be flushed on her face, neck and breasts, and her breathing may be rapid and may become irregular. In general, her moaning and panting will not just get louder, but speed up as she approaches climax.

Orgasm – Part of the problem here is that women can have both minor mini orgasms and earth-shaking, toe curling earthquakes, and technically they both count as Big O’s. In either case though, a woman’s PC (pubococcygeal), vaginal and uterine muscles contract. It may be just a flutter, or it may be dick-gripping contractions. Some women go rigid when they come, some writhe, some go limp. Some scream and some go silent. Her heart rate will increase. She may have involuntary movements, such as shuddering.

Afterglow – She’ll have a dazed, dreamy look and be kind of glassy eyed. She’ll need to catch her breath and her breathing and heart rate will slowly return to normal. Her flushed skin will gradually return to normal.

And the Oscar for Best Fake Orgasm Goes To… 

Here are a few telltale signs that she’s putting on a show:

Coming EVERY time – Few women come every single time they have intercourse. If you brag to your friends that your girlfriend effortlessly comes 100% of the time,  you may have a faker on your hands. Also, each and every real orgasm is different. If your girlfriend has the exact same reaction to every orgasm, it may just be play acting.

Coming Without Communication – Some women can come very easily from sex, regardless of what you do,  but most need their specific needs and desires met to get off. A certain position, rhythm, or sex act is often a prerequisite to a real orgasm. If your girlfriend never even hints at what she needs to climax, but climaxes all the time just the same, she may be faking it.

Obvious overacting – This can be a tough call (but can be sadly funny as well ), since some women will moan and talk dirty to turn you on and to turn themselves on, but if she’s just moaning mechanically, her groaning is too regular, or too loud, and she sounds like she’s imitating a porn star, she’s probably faking and not even doing a very good job.

Out of sync – If her moaning and responses don’t correspond to what you are actually doing to her, then something is wrong. Like if you stop, and she keeps moaning with the same rhythm and intensity, she may be faking.

No indication of arousal – If she’s not showing any physical signs of arousal, such as flushed skin, or increased heart rate and rapid breathing, she may be faking, but these be real tricky signs to identify.

Coming too soon – Some women are just quick on the trigger and there are exceptions, like if she is really turned on to begin with, but it usually takes women anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes to work up to an orgasm.

No recovery time – There are exceptions, but if she “comes” and then immediately bounces out of bed to brush her teeth, she probably faked. It should take her at least a couple of minutes or so to “come down” after orgasm.

Why Is She Faking It?

This is not to let her off the hook, because lying and dishonesty can’t be condoned, especially in a relationship. And a woman has to take responsibility for her own pleasure in a sexual encounter and communicate to her partner if something isn’t working for her. That said, if your girlfriend is faking it, there are a limited number of reasons:

You don’t know how to make her come, but she wants you to think you’re a good lover anyway.

She doesn’t really want sex, but she doesn’t know how to tell you, so she’s trying to get it over with.

Whatever it is you’re doing to her, she wants you to stop it as soon as possible because

a) it hurts

b) it’s annoying her or

c) she wants to go to sleep.

She cannot come during sex with another person and is too embarrassed to admit it.

She has never had an orgasm and is too embarrassed to admit it.

That last one is more common than you would think. A surprising number of younger women have never come before and just do what they think they are supposed to do, usually based on what they have seen in movies, porn or otherwise. Still, this is the exception rather than the rule. Chances are she is just not enjoy it to her fullest and is trying to spare your feelings in one way or another.

It’s like when you tell her that she’s a great cook or her poetry is awesome, and then she keeps insisting on serving you overcooked steak and mushy vegetables or reading you her latest “piece.” It’s hard to back out of the lie once you’ve set the precedent.

What You Can Do?

If you feel confident that your girlfriend is faking orgasms, your course of action is determined by your motives: Are you more concerned about her dishonesty, or are you more concerned that she’s not fulfilled by your talent? People don’t like to be caught lying, so if you confront her, she will probably deny it and get defensive. And if you’re wrong, you run the risk of looking like an dumbass. On the other hand, if you just want to pick a fight with her, accusing her of faking it is an excellent tactic.

If you don’t know for sure how to give a woman an orgasm, do a little homework and find out how to improve your technique. Most women (up to 70%) don’t come from intercourse alone, so you do need to have some other strategies at your disposal. Learn where her clit is and where her G-spot is. Read my old blog posts about G-spots, orgasms, threesomes and more. Brush up on your fingering and cunnilingus skills.

If you’ve already got the basics down and you’ve had success in the past making other women climax, you need to find out what really works for her. This means taking your time, focusing on her body, and asking her to tell you and show you what feels good. Set aside some time and dedicate it specifically to making her come, then use what you learn in your subsequent sessions. However, if you actually talk to her about it, you may find that she doesn’t care whether or not she comes during sex with you. She may be satisfied getting off later with her fingers. If that’s the case, she might as well drop the act for both your sakes.

Ultimately, you may never know for sure that she was faking it or why, unless she breaks down and confesses, or throws it in your face in the midst of an argument. But if you suspect she is pulling an act in bed, use it as a challenge and an opportunity to experiment. Switch up your sexual moves and see if you can give her a genuine toe-curler. That may convince her to get real with you.

Why don't you take the initiative and try it tonight and let us know?

Have a great Sunday.

-Anjali

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6 Answers »

1. Hi Anjali Aunty,
    
   Great education. Thanks for your efforts of putting piece meal informations collectively for both the genders.
    
   Females will also come to know that there exists some category where they fit into as far as orgasms are concerned. And they will not feel incomplete as the male dominated world would make them to feel.
    
   Good job,
    
   Three kudos to you,
    
   Phoolwati
    
    
   .

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   Answer by Phoolwati — March 14, 2010

2. Men can never figure out when we fake O's.  Atleast I have never caught….hehehehe

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   Answer by Supriya84 — March 14, 2010

3. That is why nothing should be left to chance. Girls should be sucked and fucked to one's heart's content without consideration wheather she experiences orgasm or fakes orgasm. Fuck their mouth, pussy and asshole wherever you like.

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   Answer by jacob — March 14, 2010

4. Hi anjali aunty
   ur are doing a gr8 job of educating i reqularly reader of your posts, & i liked this post but to this post i have a small query about noticing an orgasm. i have felt certain times that when my partner reaches an orgasm her vaginal walls tightens and then relaxes and even i can feel a lot of seminal fluid being discharged by her on the tip of my penis and also she shows all the tell tale signs of being exausted  but againg after few minutes she is back in action. sometimes during a single session of sex lasting from 20min – 45 min she reaches multiple times of small ograsms and after that finally a very big one so is this the way they reach orgasms is the sensation of vaginal contracting and relaxing and secretion of more amount of seminal fluid indicates a real orgasm ??

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   Answer by lvlesslove — March 15, 2010

5. 
   I agree with Anjali ji, it is really really tough to know if a girl is faking.

   I cant call myself a master who knows even how to catch that trick.  But I do certain things to make sure my partner will be  having an orgasm.

   1. I have a great taste bud for pussy, this always helped me.  I keep using lips and toung on sucking everypart of the pussy, from clit to anus.

   2. Poking the tounge is the next step, curl it and enter in her vagina.

   3. Most important step is keep sucking and licking the clit while insert two fingers, touching upper pussy wall on G-spot and rub slowly.  This goes on for long, and most of the time I can feel the shattering orgasm. 

   4. Even if she fakes, concentrating on both clit and G-Spot together, there is little chance she wont cum.  To make sure, I use another finger on the anus.  When I feel it spasms fast, I get to be sure she has it.

   5. While having sex, I keep concentrating on changing positions and rub clit whenever possible. 

   6. It takes longer to get orgasm and chance of faking is high.  Thats why I have another mechanism.  Giving long slow thurst, rub clit, and tends to change position. 

   7. When she gets closer to cum, if you want to change position and she doesnot want, you will know she is approaching orgasm. 

   8. Keep doing this for some time, she often will get stiffened.  My job is to impale fully in and not move, at least for 2/3 minutes.  During that time she will feel sore, so I touch the anus and insert a finger till knuckle.

   Well, I am not a master, I havent learned from books, but its the experience that taught me what to do.  It may seem disgusting to some, but anus is a barometer for me to understand what is going on in her body.  Keep holding till she is back to her ownself.

   Do make sure your girl gets an orgasm, its as important for her as your ejaculation is important for you.

   Anjali ji, you touched the point on afterglow, good to see.  Can you touch the point of afterplay?  I personally feel that is very important.

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   Answer by Oye … — March 15, 2010

6.  
   Well, good education, but I don't see any practical implementation. As said by this user:
   "Men can never figure out when we fake O's.  Atleast I have never caught….hehehehe
    
    
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   Answer by Supriya84 — March 14, 2010 "
   Man cannot admit that they have caught their woman faking O's, if they say that then of course thats not the last part of the argument, rather beginning of a new(or may be never ending) argument

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   Current Rating: +2

   Answer by Fun — March 18, 2010

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