Hi Anjali Aunty,

I am a 26 year old single guy. I have been going around with a girl for the last 3 years. My problem is that now my parents are expecting me to get married to her. They do not have any problem with my girlfriend but I have a problem. I am not really happy with her. I pity her more because she is an orphan and has had a difficult life but she is very stubborn and does not even want to try to change things that I would want her to change. Simple things like accompanying me when I go to my friend's place or eating at my favourite restaurant etc. but she is very happy with me cause I agree with her almost all the time because I don't want to hurt her.

But now I am thinking whether I want to live the rest of life like this and I am confused. Please suggest me.

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17 Answers »

1. From my side i would ask you to stay and continue with that girl. Because you get along so well probably sometime later Love will blossom its OK to tolerate, Tolerance is Love. What will you do if your girl friend is also like this ? So Breaking-up consums a lot of happiness of life…All i say is STAY-ON

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   Answer by Happy Guy — March 9, 2010

2. hi,
   my sugesstion is that u should continue your relationship cause u r doing a good job,you  should make her feel that she is equal to u and she has all the rights to enjoy this life even being a doctor i dont have my parent stil i enjoy my life,
   u should xplain to her that let bygones b bygones .
   and one more thing this thing happens initialialy that a person doest feel like going anywhere but it will settle down later once u built a strong relationship with her that is .marriage i can assaure u with my xperience that she will change .she needs security and u can provide it to her
   if u want any more suggetion feel free to cont me
   umar_khan581@yahoo.com.

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   Answer by dr umar — March 9, 2010

3. Friend,I dont think you can just find the answer in a simple yes or no. This is about marriage,a very important decision of your life. You have to sit and think that can you keep her happy  after marriage,she may have gone through a lot in life..that does not mean you have to marry her to keep her happy..how will you,when you yourself wont be..and after a time..you will think that you have had enough.then what ? wont that hurt her even more.
    It happens when you love somebody,but then when it is only you who is sacrificing and tolerating that love starts fading away,everybody has expectations but in relations it is about give and take…So if you think you can keep giving without expecting anything you may go ahead..but as we can see that is not the case.I will suggest you not to marry her dude.
   If things have not changed now,they wont change even after marriage,but it will be easier to end it now than later. Some people are like that,but its our decision whether we want to stay with them or not.
   I answered this because i have gone through exactly same circumstances and i did what i told you..and i m much happier now.. All the Best.

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   Answer by itsme.oa — March 9, 2010

4. If tolerance is love, then love is bullshit.
    
   lets make it simple. you claim she loves you because you follow her wishes almost all the times. thats a pretty absurd way of loving someone.
    
   Question is, do you have the courage to follow YOUR wish and tell her that you don't want to marry her because you would NOT be happy with her. This is the most important aspect to ponder upon.
    
   If you are not happy doing something, and if you have the choice to change your situation, then just go ahead and do it. Dont let yourself be bogged by idiotic terminology; Tolerance, for instance.
    
   Dude, you will ONLY once. Don't get yourself a bad serving when you already have an inkling about whats in store. Talk to her about it. Voice your concern.
    
   False

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   Answer by False — March 9, 2010

5. If you have any doubt regarding whether you love her or not then please for gods sake don't marry her…. but like false said do you ave the courage to do that…??
                                 Bro if you are not happy with her or her behaviour than please do talk with her about regarding matters before you two make a decision of life. Beacause if you marry her and after some time you tell her that you did that beacause God has gifted her a bit more difficult life than us, would seriously break her all self confidence and self respect.

                                  So please think trice before making a decision as it is gonna make a strong impact on her life.
    
          And yes don't pity on her because she had led her life with that difficulty which God gifted her, so that proves that she is mentaly much more stronger to you and also she should be couragious enough to face all problems also…
         Dude, don't worry about her she will be happy even without you but according to me would not ever want your PITY. So just think about yourshelf whether you be able to live without her as you are not mentaly that strong as you are not able to make a single dicision of your life on your on.
   Regards
   Sam003

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   Answer by sam003 — March 9, 2010

6. Marriage is about compromise, not sacrifice.  You have been compromising for last three years, and she is not, thats one sided compromise or in better word, sacrifice.  Three years is not a long time, you could pass that, but when its a lifelong issue, you sure would not be able to stand that.  I believe you need to think twice.

   But there always is a counter logic.  You never know how much you love someone till she is not with you.  You can take a break from her, say one month, and watch your mind carefully.  If you dont miss her presence at all, you sure werenot in love.  If you really are in love, you cant stand more than a week without her. 

   We always miss this part of love as we cant measure it.  This stay apart is the easiest test, the more you are in love, the more you will feel the pain and emptyness without her.  If you dont miss at all, there was no love before.

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   Answer by Oye … — March 9, 2010

7. Hi,
   I have been going through same kind of situation but the only difference is I'm already in a commitment called MARRIAGE. Trust me, I have been doing same since last 4 years, what you do, agreeing with her all the time on most of the things. Finally, this has lead to some serious issues between us and remember one thing always, we all are simple human beings, always full of hopes, dreams, emotions, frustrations etc etc. You also has some expectations from your life and when one day you will see things not working out as you dreamed or the way you wanted them to work, that day you will give up with this sacrifice or pity as you mentioned. You will start running away from realities of life. I would suggest you to consult a good marriage councellor or psychologist before you get into marriage and see how compatible your thoughts are. Both partners should respect and understand each other feelings and come to a common platform, no matter how big the argument or difference is. If your partner is not even willing to come to a common platform where both of you feel comfortable, its no use giving it a try. Give it a very serious thought and discuss everything with her openely. Be firm & honest from your heart in putting your views/thoughts in front of her. It could be some hidden fears inside her, which makes her so stubborn, speaking honestly and openly might give you and her a new prespective of your relationship and you guys have a better vision, where you want to take your relationship (involve a councellor for sure as sometimes many people don't open up their fears so easily and professionals have the eye to read it). Try there things and give it a serious time and thought, you have already spent 3 years together, spending few days or months on looking at it from a fresh prespective will not harm anyone of you, it will give you a new dimension.
   Remeber, no feeling in this world is stronger than the feeling of true love, if you think its her, then give it a best shot of your life with full faith in yourself and your GOD.
   Hope this helps and wish both of you all the best.

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   Answer by Eros — March 10, 2010

8. Hi,

   You said, you are with a girl from last three years and now you don't feel like you are happy enough to get into a relationship with her, right? Ok! Let's accept that thing. But let me put things to you other way.

   Take some space and time of your own. Just you and no one else and think of that girl, your current relation, and the past that you spent with her. What made you draw towards her? Was there something that you saw and now that is missing or your expectations have increased? When you are apart from her do you think of her? Do you miss her? Even, girls have their own ( and pretty much strange if not weird ) ways to say and express things that most times we guys don't notice or ignore ( thinking in materialistic ways ).

   And ya, you said you have been doing all good stuff for her for 3 years; then surly go to her and ask her to do things, if not all than some but yeh some, that you like and if she likes/loves you then she would agree to do so. BUT for that YOU MUST STAND FOR YOUR OWN and ask her and let her know what you like and want. 'Cas lack of communication may be catastrophic – leading really nice and beautiful relationship to abbeys.

   So, I would suggest first talk to her. Explain things to her softly and politely and meanwhile you take your own time and think of all things and sides of cube. Know her side too before coming to any conclusion. Anyways answers to all questions and her responses will be deciding your future.

   Best of luck! ®

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   Answer by ® — March 10, 2010

9. Hey,

      I have been in that situation before and my answer to you is tell her to go to hell.  If she is like that before marriage she is never going to change.  I was with someone for 3 years and I could never get my partner to do anything, even if it meant our relationship was on the line.  Finally I got tired and said Fck off!  I found someone who I consider to be my equal and brings out the best quality in me.  You can be there and feel bad but you will feel worse as time goes by.

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   Answer by Disco Feaver — March 10, 2010

10. dude…u are a nice guy…DONT BE AN ASS…
    Suck it up and accept her flaws

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    Answer by zzzzz — March 10, 2010

11. Boss,
    Please do not MARRY that girl. I am telling from experiance from a similar situation. When you marry , you think that you are doing her a favour because of her background but they do not realise that and they will be the first to RIDICULE and discard you once you are married. Basically the problem comes from the fact that there is an inborn INFERIORITY complex which she is trying to hide behind that stubborn nature. Leave her for both of you, you will regret later.
    Upakku

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    Answer by Upakku — March 10, 2010

12. Dude Im From Sri Lanka!!! I went thru the very same shit!!!!!!! I'm only telling you to leave the man. She would even lose control and start cheating on you once you got married. Im a happier man now coz wut I did in da past. Sometimes theres no other joy like letting go!!!!!

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    Answer by Money — March 10, 2010

13. Dude,
    I have been in an exact same situation for the last 4 years, and believe me, I can totally connect when you say you're not happy. Simply put, I decided to be honest to myself and get the hell out of the relationship. I decided to leave, and trust me, I KNOW I have made the right choice, because, to begine with, my premise for being there, was wrong. I should be there because I love her, not because I pity her. Of course, I know you love her also, but staying in a relationship because you don't have the courage to walk away is the wrongest reason. You must be there because you love her, and WANT to stay there, and not because you want to HELP her. No. You've brought happiness for so many years, now is the time to be fair to yourself, and no more giving. Be honest to yourself, move on. Such a marriage, if it happens, can only end in disaster. Please get out of there.

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    Answer by FreeSpirit — March 10, 2010

14. Apacheking,
     
     
    I feel pity for you actually!
    Don't you think it is a little too late to have this feeling that you ust love her because you pity on her? C'mon or is it that you are just tired of this relationship after having the same girl for the whole years? I think you have very serious issues here. So you think she wouldn't have been able to face the world with out your love and you are a super hero that you rescued her. You are nuts man. What have you been thinking about yourself?
     
    She if you would love a person it is only love nothing else. True love is unconditional. If you truly love her then you should be able to accept her for what she is. I guess you are just thinking that it wouldnt be an appropriate idea to marry the same girl who has been your GF as it will be the same face for your whole life isnt it? You sort of people are assholes. Forgive me for the offensive word  , I do;t usually use these sort of words but I couldn't find any appropriate word here.
     
     
    Regards

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    Answer by ding — March 11, 2010

15. Well.. To tell u actually… your problem is very simple..
    Because.. you are in relation with her.. since very long time..so its a routite for you.. in Hindi.. we call it as "Adat"
    and bacause of that.. you  are feeling pity for her.. or  in other sense.. you have taken her for granted..dude.. life is not that simple.. and its difficult to get someone who knows u well.. so go ahead and marry her.. your life's half of the problems will be solved..

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    Answer by DUDE_XXX — April 5, 2010

16. Don't Ask for Advice, Well a Nice try and moderately Successful At Earning AA"s ,  I Think This Is too personal .. I Feel You Know how much you Matter to her and Vice Versa .. Go By your gut feeling, Think if You will be Happier With Or Without Her and Act Accordingly , God Bless )( ..

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    Answer by rockstud — April 5, 2010

17. beta life ek baar milti hai. shadi life ka sawal hai, koi dharam- karam ka kam nahi hai jo pity kar raha hai. vo tere per kitna pity karti hai? jindgi bhar pity hi karta reh jayega. jyada social service hi karni hai tau loi ngo join kya nahi kar leta. phir sab par pity karta rehna

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    Answer by sonchi — June 7, 2010

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