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Hi Anjali Aunty,

I am a 25 year old girl who fell in love with my team leader though he wasn't aware of it till i told him. He wasn't my team leader anymore when I revealed my love to him. He refused but I only wanted his friendship.

Though he didn't respond well initially, we became closer. We shared everything between us and had no secrets. We used to talk for 3 to 4 hours on the phone daily and soon this intimacy lead to having sex talk over the phone. He was always against marriage as he felt that his family was more important to him than anything else. Now I am about to get engaged next month. I want to continue this relationship without the sex element. I love him very much and want to be his friend (only friend) forever.

But he says that this might not workout. I know that he cares for me and off late he too likes me. I feel its impossible to live without his friendship. Please advise what to do?

Regards, Sachu.

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9 Answers »

1. Are you mad enough to spoil your future life ?
   
   You don't know the mentality of your future hubby. May or May not he like your friendship with others. Better wait till you get married and find the pulse of your would be and go ahead.
   
   Else tell your parent and wait till your team leader ready for a marriage with you.
   

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   Answer by ssn — March 8, 2010

2. hi sachu just imagine u are travelling on a road n then u reach a junction.from that point u can go straight ahead, go to your left or right.you cant takeall the three routes at the same time.
    
   so i would suggest you to take some time.u cant have ur foots in two different ships.so either u continue ur platonic rellationship wit ur crush,or else u stop it permanently

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   Answer by meenakshi — March 8, 2010

3. Well I think he is right in saying that he may not be able to continue especially since the both of you have had phone sex and have become intimate even though not physically. Once that intimacy happens, its really difficult to just go back to a "platonic" relationship or pretend that nothing ever happened. And I am not sure ur husband also would appreciate it. Much as I understand your feelings, the best would be to let go and go ahead in life.

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   Answer by lonelyguy_00 — March 8, 2010

4. I don't think ur team lead likes you…he is having fun and thats it…most of the men try to find some easy short-cut like you who doesn't come with any burden…if he liked you , he would think abt marrying you esp after all this has happened…He is not a man in a sense he enjoyed diff feelings and now letting you get married to somebdoy else…in short..ask ur team lead if he can marry you else cut this relationship as soon as possible….

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   Answer by Control desires — March 8, 2010

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   Hi Sachu how are you. Fine right ok… making friendship with boys is good but it should be with in the limit is ok for all… if it is exceeding i.e. may leads to love and other sexual things is fruitful.
   As per your mail already u proposed that guy but he simply denied your proposal still your are trying to make friendship with that guy u know one thing if he agrees your friendship it will not be good friendship it will leads to sexual things because you both had sexual talks. If you have sex with that guy he will enjoy the movement but never marry you mind you.. Because you’re forcing directly and indirectly.
   My better suggestion is you just forget the past things and try to reduce the talks with that guy and also change the organization. And marry the guy who is selected by your parents then love him, he will also love’s you… This is the way you live not erotically way… it may spoil you and your family..
   
    
    

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   Answer by PRU — March 8, 2010

6. Hi,
   Sacho,
   First thing that if you are not a play girl than it is very difficult to love two persons in single time. So I advice you can continue your friend ship with him, after clear you doubts of your mind about that you loved  him and also his mind becuase he is not ready to marry you.
   Try to love your would be husband it is difficult but not impossible, becuase once any person married after that there is no space in her/his life to any other person if he/she does give space, he/she spoil her life.
   one more advice please stop phone sex chat with your team leader and start talking like normal frineds, within few days you can note chnages in his behavior.
   Sanju
   Always safe sex(enjoy life, not spoil life)

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   Answer by sanju99682964 — March 8, 2010

7. Hi sweetheart,
   Tell me how would you like your husband to comeback from office, talking over phone with a girl, then dinner and go to sleep? No matter its a girl as friend or sister or cousin, how long would you allow that. If you cant, than should you do that behind your husband’s back?
   One hard fact about guys with multiple girlfriends, even not having sex, they love to boast about this. You maynot know, but talking to his close friends, you will find he has given intimate details of your sex life which is totally made up.
   Talking about your to be husband, other true fact is money talks. If he earns more than you, he wont allow any boy friend chitchat on phone. If he earns less, he wont mind.
   Marriage is based on trust, dont breach that trust.

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   Answer by Oye … — March 8, 2010

8. I think the answer by control desires is correct…If he was really interested in you he would have told you so….but you can't blame anyone in this situation…he never said he wants to get married to you….you wanted to be friends but you ended up having sex chats with this guy….forget about him…..simple fact if you continue keeping in touch with him after marriage beyond a certain point you would again be sex chatting with this guy which i do not think your husband will appreciate.Think bout it…take care….

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   Answer by apacheking12 — March 9, 2010

9. Girl. There is nothing platonic!! Trust this word. Almost everyone of us went through similar phase. I am someone even attempted suicide and lucky that I got some good folks around who straightened me up. This is a phase in your life that you go through. You are not the only one going through this. You have to think out of the box from your cinematic love till death kind of stuff. You are ought to destroy your life, that guy's life and the life of the guy whom you might marry.  And all, you will also destroy the tranquility that your family folks have.
   I am a guy, but went through similar feeling for a girl. Although I am perfect now, the whole ordeal put tremendeous pressure on my family and my elderly grandparents had to go through all the sadness during their final days – all just because of me for a senseless feeling towards a girl. All in all it worth nothing. The girl worth not even a pinch infront of the life of my grandparents. I learned the lessons after loosing invaluable people in my life.
    
   Don't do the mistake. Straighten up your mind. Take stern and brave decision and move forward. Don't wait for any and no one will wait for you either. Move forward with the guy with whom you will be engaged. Infatuation is part and parcel of life.
   Take my word – after few years you will feel proud about what you have done.

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   Answer by SR Kumar — March 9, 2010

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