Dear Anjali Aunty,

I have been a new member of this blog and is quite impressed with the way you are spreading education to the youngsters about sex. The best part of your education is that you maintain a balance between the fun in life and the social and moral values. My concern starts here-

I am a 28 years old guy and I have a 24 years old sister. We are from Delhi and I am currently located in Laddakh on my duty. My sister got an arranged marriage last year. Her hubby is in the hotel industry and is currently located in Kuwait. Just within three months of his marriage he moved to Kuwait to join his job.

My sister used to be very juvenile and happy person before marriage. But for last few months, we found her to be very lazy and dull. My parents suggested me to take her to Laddakh for a climate change that can refresh her. During her stay here, she has developed a physical intimacy with one of my senior officers who is around 35 years old and is living alone in the same house.

I have seen a drastic mood swing and she is living very happily. She is going to stay here for few more months. I am confused whether I should let her spend time with him or should I stop her. I discussed it with my girlfriend and she said my sister was being lazy and dull because of no sex for a long time and she is feeling happy now because of getting her sexual needs fulfilled. She is suggesting me to let her have sex with him for few months as long as she is here. That guy is a very sincere officer and a decent guy and I don't feel any harm from his side but I would still need your suggestion.

Thanks you aunty.

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15 Answers »

1. Wouldn't it be more wise to send her to his husband place if possible.
   i think it depends on person to person to control his her sexual desire.but its very difficult to control desire at her peak age. but she will leave that place in few month, than what will she do, she will need another men to satisfy her, and it will go on forever. so my humble advice is to send her to her husband place in Kuwait, if her husband has some financial problem you can help them a bit.
   secondly  dont make ur self fool by thinking that you can control her,or any body else.  we always make ouself fool by thinking that we can control our brother sister, spouse, friends etc. any way its her life she can do whatever she want to do.

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   Answer by samrendra — March 1, 2010

2. Hi Pawan,

   This is one of those situations, where I am terribly conflicted between advising what is right and what is practical. In the present scenario, everything seems to be working perfectly for all the characters involved at the moment.

   Your brother-n-law is happy in his land of bliss. He may hypothetically (I am not implying) be having some distant fun of his own with those fair Arabic maidens.

   Your sister has come out of depression and seems to be perfectly happy at present. Your very "decent" senior officer is lonely in Ladakh and so it suits his situation perfectly. Its difficult to stay unromantic in a place as beautiful as Ladakh.

   Even your girlfriend is ok with this – only you are left in doubt.

   My advise would be to let things be as they are at the moment. However it is important for your sister to understand (or maybe it for you to make her understand) that the present scenario is only a vacation. She must not get too used to it. She must realise that at one point she has to return to normal life without regrets or grudges or worse (stds/unplanned pregnancies).

   Have a big-bro talk with her. Make her realise the thin ice she is walking in. For all practical purposes, I wouldn't think her married life to have started yet. She can make a fresh committed start to her marriage when she returns and hopefully all that would remain of this vacation is a nostalgic, filmy memory.

   I wish you best of luck for her.

   -Anjali

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   Answer by Anjali — March 1, 2010

3. this is bed.she is cheating.she will got habitual for other man in feutre .this will spoil her whole life.how can she cheat her hubby just for sex.what will happen if she fall in love with officer.please stop her otherwise it will destroy two life one of her and another of her hubby

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   Answer by the rock says — March 1, 2010

4. u r saying that ur gf is saying that iot is ok.now u can understand that ur gf will also cheat u when u will abroad becouse this will be ok for her.

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   Answer by nishaaaa — March 1, 2010

5. This must be stopped. It is going to continue. Everyone of us have sex craving while the partner is away. but we dont dare to have it in real and sublimate such needs. Because we care for the family.
   One more thing, your brother in law, though he may be away, must be able to engage your sister full time, by talking to her chatting with her and supplying her all needs. Is this happening. in that case i am sure she wont go astray. if she still goes this way, i think something is seriously wrong with her and you should take her to a psychiatrist counselling.

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   Answer by hotindianrod — March 1, 2010

6. acc. to my view what your sister is doing is wrong. she should stop this as she is cheating her hubby.
   how would she feel if her hubby does this with anothr woman in Kuwait????

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   Answer by 08sahil — March 1, 2010

7. @Anjali,
   Come on Anjali…How can a relation such as husband-wife be started with cheating? Pawan's girlfriend says it is ok, doesn't it mean if the situation arises to stay away from pawan, his girlfriend also will be cheating him? Your suggestions leaves a strong impact on all of us and i am afraid all females will get the approval to cheat their hubby with your one suggestion like this…I introduced this website to my wife because I knew  your suggestions will never misguide her, but when she will read this answer she may also get inspired to cheat me when I am away from her ( We are staying in Tanzania at present )…

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   Answer by kalpesh_bhatt — March 1, 2010

8. where is he in kuwait?
   

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   Answer by ammu — March 1, 2010

9. Dear Pawan,

   As I see it, your sister doesnot have any problem what so ever.  I can get to see yourself as one extremely exploiting brother who can do and will do anything for own betterment.

   If she was fucking your driver or tea-wala at Laddakh, I am sure this would havenot been your question.  You need some peace of mind for the exploitation you are doing by using your sister to your boss.  Do you know what you are doing?  Can you sense what is going to happen when she leaves and your boss remains high and dry?  If that senior of yours asks for your girlfriend, can you say no?  Comeon, the guy who can use his sister, sure can use someone else.

   If you know what you are doing, either you are extremely shrewd or you are too naive.   Both the cases, you are going to burn hands, very soon. 

   Problem is not with your sister's urge or your girlfriend's explanation.  Its with you.  Sooner you understand, the better.

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   Answer by Oye … — March 1, 2010

10. You should stop her immediately and send her back. I cant digest the fact that a brother is knowing allowing his newly married sister to have an affair with his boss. You have a sick mind. And beware of your girlfriend she will follow your sisters footsteps.

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    Answer by hanky — March 1, 2010

11. who are YOU to decide, anyways???
     
    agree with anjali.
     
    die everyday, or live once?
    live everyday, and die once??
     
    the answer is simple, and obvious.
     
    very very,
     
    false

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    Answer by False — March 2, 2010

12. Its strange to see people's reaction here.   After so much of education and discussion on several topics on the forum, how can we talk like old orthodox people. What is wrong if pawan is allowing his sister to have a bit romance in life when she needs it badly.  Its wrong to assume that he is doing it to please his boss or she will get addicted to sex after this vacation.  These are just assumptions. If she had to become a slut, she would have become taht there in her home town only and not waited for a vacation in laddakh.  She has been mature enough to handle her life so long and i m sure she will carry her life maturely even in future.
    I dont know why people starts reacting this way whenever anyone starts talking abt his sister. I dont recommend incest at all and find it wrong.  But there is nothing wrong if a sister has sex with someone of her choice within the social norms. Why do we forget that every girl has sex and every girl is a sister of some brother.
    I will suggest pawan to just let them have fun and watch for any unwanted situation whi i think will not come as you all seems to be literate and mature people. There is nothing wrong if she is doing it with all the privacy and within the social norms.

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    Answer by Divya Sahani — March 2, 2010

13. The moral side says she is wrong. However, things dont always follow the moral issue and people here need to stop being judgemental. The fact that such a question has arisen itself should cause people to realise that such issues are common place and cannot be wished away by merely closing our eyes from reality. I would suggest leaving the situation as it is for a while and then slowly getting her back so that she has had her share of fun and now can get back to reality

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    Answer by lonelyguy_00 — March 2, 2010

14. Hey,
    If a "lie" can save a life, it serves more than a thousand "truth" in real sensible life.. Your situation seems to be same here.. Am sure for many of us it's really difficult to judge what may be right or wrong..
    Let's think practically… most important matter is that your sister being out of depression due to whatever is happening presently (her temporary fling/affair/encounter)…  Nothing wrong as long as same is stipulated to/in Ladakh and not sipping into her married life after she's back home with hubby.. If you are close enough to her, you may also have a heart to heart talk bout it and advise her to stop after she's back with her hubby…  Treat the Ladakh story as a sweet onetime honeymoon/fun.
    You have a further serious problem later w.r.t your sis and your bro-in-law., as staying apart cannot continue.. Are they doing justice by staying away at this point of time.. and for how long ? Your sis and her hubby needs to plan further as to how fast/best they can start staying together…. 
    All the best..

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    Answer by rockyjasmine — March 4, 2010

15. Dear Brother,
    rockyjasmine has given you the best suggestion.  talk to your sister to have a fun as long she is there in Laddakh and ask her not to repeat it with anyone else there at home town. All above suggestions were stupid moral talks which lacks practicality.
    Karan

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    Answer by Karan Malhotra — March 5, 2010

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