I am a 54 year old widow living with my Son. He is 35 years old and was divorced 3 years ago. I lost my husband 7 years ago because of heart attack. I used to be a Maths Teacher in a school near my home before my husband's death. Then I quit teaching. My eldest daughter is happily married and staying in different city.
She visits me twice a year. My son is addictd to alcohol and that was the main reason for his divorce. He always comes home drunk and sleeps like a dead man. I used to cry sitting in his bed. Some times I used to change his clothes when he came home drunk.
Me and his ex-wife would try councelling him about his addiction. In the morning, when he became sober, he used to behave with me normally, talking with me and helping me till he gets ready for office.
Since last 1 month, he has stopped drinking. He spends most of the time with me after office, talking with me and helping me. Naturally, as a mother I got closer to him after his divorce as I was worried about him. Since I had crossed 50, I used to change my clothes infront of him. I used to take bath in petticoat, without closing the door. Sometimes he would stare at me when I changed my clothes and bathed, but I took it as normal.
Ten days ago, again he came home drunk and started crying in his room. I asked him why he was crying but he kept crying. I put my arms around him to console him, but he continued crying. Then he hugged me. I also hugged him. I kissed him on his head. He kept hugging me tightly and my breasts were crushed on his head. He was sitting on the bed and I was standing. He suddenly put both his hands on my both ass and press them gently.
After sometime he grabbed my ass cheeks and held them tight. I asked him what are you doing and tried to free myself, but he held me even more tightly. He said Please Amma. He then kissed both my boobs. I was struggling. He let me free.
I was shocked by my son's actions. I asked him why you do this to me? He replied, Amma, I feel really lonely and need sex desperatly. His words shook me. He began begging me. "Amma, please I want to make love to you. Please don't disappoint me. No one will know. It will give pleasure both of us. I was totally shocked and don't know how to react. I told him you are drunk and not in your sense. Stop talking like this to your Amma. We can talk tommorow.
I was ready to leave his room, but he held my hands and said, Please Amma, I want you from many years but never had guts to talk with you. He again hugged me and kissed me all over my face. I was crying and begging him to leave me. But he was strong.
He pulled me on the bed and pulled up my maxi. He then touched my vagina. I had stopped wearing panty and bra after the death of my husband. That night my son had sex with me. That night was the most painful night for me. I could not shout for help as he is my own son.
Since that day, he keeps having sex with me. I really wanted to leave home and go to my daughter for ever, but I really dont have a good reason to tell my daughter why I left my home.
Now a days, I have begun to enjoy Sex with my son. I know it is morally wrong to have sex with one's own son. I have already crossed 50. To be frank he made me feel so young. What should I do? Some times my mind says leave home forever and sometimes it says keep continuing this relationship.
What to do?