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My wife’s confession has shattered me. Can I trust her again?

asked May 14, 2018 in Questions by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
edited May 16, 2018 by longhands1

We have been married for 14 years and have 2 kids who are teenagers. Recently, I came to know about my wife's extra marital affair, which left me stunned and now I am finding it difficult to trust my 37 year old wife.

My wife runs private tuitions for kids to help in their studies. A year back a family shifted to our apartment. They have an autistic child of age about 24-25. My wife is taking tuitions of this boy (man) for last 6 months.

Couple of weeks back I saw love bite and nail scratches on my wife's breast and back. We had a big fight and finally she broke down and confessed.

She told me, as he is special child, she used to take his tuitions privately and when our kids are at school. The boy asked her if he can show her one game that his parents play. My wife agreed to this and he suddenly lay on her body and started dry humpping her. She tried to resist but he was strong enough and continued till his orgasm. Next day, without knowing what had happened, his mom came to our home and thanked my wife. She said their Son had calmed down and was doing good since she had started taking tuitions.

My wife continued this for few weeks and finally couldn't control herself and she had intercourse with him. Since then they started doing intercourse daily. His vigorous and rough sex was satisfying to my wife to a great extent and she wanted it to continue.

When I came to know about this we didn't speak to each other for several days. Finally she agreed to stop everything immediately and she did.

Couple of days back, both parents of that boy came to us and actually pleaded us to continue his tuitions as he is becoming restless since wife has stopped taking tuitions.

My wife and I had a discussion and she promised me that she will not have any sexual act with him and since last week they continued with tuitions. As our kids have summer vacations, they are at their grandparent's home.

I am now scared that she is still having sex with him and do not know how to clear my doubt or stop her. As she has confessed that she was enjoying sex with him more than with me, my worry is more.

Please help me to come out of this...

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featued question
commented Jun 3, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Thank you so much to all of you for your valuable suggestions. Most of you suggested me to keep my wife away from that boy, so we went on holidays to Goa last entire week.

Everything was going normal for first couple of days, until one night, when we both got drunk. We were at a disco near to our hotel. After my wife got drunk, she was getting horny and we went back to room. We started being intimate but unfortunately as soon as I inserted in her pussy, I came within few seconds. Later we tried a lot, but may be due to kick of alcohol, I couldn’t do it so again.

My wife was frustrated and she taunted me and started comparing me with the autistic boy. This time she was very bold and she told me clearly that she loves sex and needs intercourse badly. She told me that the boy brings her orgasm 1-2 times every time. She told me that I’m not at all satisfying her.

With that she left the room and went back to bar. I went to beach and sat there thinking of what my wife said to me. I felt very inferior and had couple of more drinks.

When I went in room my wife was sleeping there fully drunk. Next morning, I tried to give her oral sex and fingering during which she was somewhat satisfied.

I am now doing more of a foreplay and oral to her to satisfy her, but whenever we do intercourses, I cum quite fast and I can see the smile on my wife’s face out of frustration.

We are back home now and as she committed, she has stopped the tuitions. But I don’t find her happy and energetic as she were before.

I hope this is temporary and she will be back to normal without that boy in her life.
commented Jun 4, 2018 by SHREYASH PATEL (685 points)
Ameet Kumar
You are on right track.
Your patience and your love for your wife is highly appreciated. I am sure you are going to be a milestone for making successful marital life plus loving a family. You are going to be inspiration for many couples who are facing problems in their marital life.

Now coming to your point. You said you were on high on Goa trip.

You are suffering from PSYCHOLOGICAL premature ejaculation. I think whenever you are having sex, you are setting a goal in your mind that you have to perform better than that boy. Throw away that boy from your mind. First You have to enjoy sex then only your partner will enjoy. Bring romance in your life not only sex. Make your wife believe that you love her more than anyone else in world.

Another thing I want to tell you that if you have habit of drinking or smoking. Leave that, Liquors make man to ejaculate early. And that premature ejaculation at Goa still making you weak. Work on techniques. Before penetrating your wife finger her and make her satisfy first. Then penetrate and licking and make her satisfy again. Try to give her multiple orgasm.

If you still suffer from premature ejaculation, Consult a doctor. Do not try any medicine or desi churan kinda things at your own.

You said you can see smile on her face out of frustration. Its really temporary things. If you snatch away toy from kid and change channel from cartoon to sport they are gonna be ruff with you sometime. We all still have that psychology. Most women have confessed that they never get satisfied with intercourse. It happens only in porn movies. Your wife got satisfied with that boy because he was new for her. It had excitement, thrill of doing something new and secret. After sometimes she would have definitely feel that even that boy is not able to satisfy her.

Use fingers, tongue too. Change sex position, try something new in bed. Bring romance too and your life gonna be more beautiful then before. Set an example of healthy marital life for your kids.
commented Jun 6, 2018 by Harsh.03 (1,045 points)
nice to see that you made bold decision.

now, your next problem is early ejaculation.
for this you can let your wife to do blowjobs. let her play with your tool.
you need to start eating some health foods and fruits like banana, walnut. need to do exercises like jogging running.
daily sex is not important, but if you do once a week then try to satisfy her. do some foreplay like sucking her breast. licking her vagina or fingering.
you can use dotted condoms or ribbed condoms. they can also help to enhance pleasure.

keep us updated so we can help you better.
commented Jun 7, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Your thoughts are quite positive and I’m sure that will help me further to get my wife back.
commented Jun 8, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Thanks Harsh,
I will at least try ribbed and dotted condoms. Exercise n fitness is not my cup of tea at least so far.

Two days back my wife got Dabur Shilajit massage oil. She asked me to use it everyday after bath. Her friend told that massaging using this oil will help to get stiffness of penis.

I searched on web, but did not get any convincing answer. As of now, I’ve started using it, but can’t see and difference so far.

Any suggestion on this.
commented Jun 8, 2018 by Harsh.03 (1,045 points)
You need to do exercise on regular basis. but that doesn't mean that you join gym or do jogging, running etc. instead you can do morning walk, or evening walk after your dinner.
for long last erection you need to make blood supply for lower body. this can be done by regular walking, by jogging, running.

food - banana, walnut, almond are useful.

most important - this things takes times to show result.

medical treatment -
there are many oils and capsules are available from many brands and they marketing themselves as top 1 or aurvedic etc. but none of useful.

you can try viagra, which is sold under different brands and names
pros- this can make your penis much erected as much you can able to do.
cons- this can't cure early ejaculation. this last only for few minutes. sometimes it's hard to get erected and loose erection. regular use cause high blood pressure and heart attack.

though there are some good medicines but they are expensive and take months to show effect.

in this case condoms come to help. dotted and ribbed condoms are available which are lubricated from both sides so they can help to reduce the friction from inside.

another thing you can do is masturbate 2-3 times a week. so you can learn how to maintain the friction and rubbing.

avoid rough sex and very speedy sex. this can damage your partners viginal tissues and can damage your tool to.

and age is also factor. so things takes some time to show effect.

if you need any help of medicine then message me , as I can't reveal the brands name as this site won't allow me to do so.

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9 Answers

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Best answer
You have two situation.
1) How to keep your wife away from that boy.
2) How to come out from your own inferiority complex.

The base of the problem is that your wife allowed him to have sex with her. It was mutual sex. We men never put an effort to satisfy partner, we always concentrate on out ejaculation. Once the semen out and we are out too. Why this thing happened. Third person can enter only when we make a space for him. If you really want to check the current situation make a surprise arrival at home with half day leave and using spare keys. You will get the answer

Now root of your problem is Your wife got satisfaction from his ruff sex. shows your sex life was monotonous. She got something different from outside so she started enjoying that. Lets presume first encounter was not in her control. But after that she thought to take advantage of it. It shows she was damn unsatisfied. First concentrate on satisfying your wife. Use diff condoms, role play, massage, candles, fingers, tongue anything just make her satisfied. Bring those just married days back and show her that you are her one and only man.

Ask your wife now not to attend that special child. It's summer vacation and your kids are at grand parent's home. Take a leave from 15 days. Go for another honeymoon with your wife for 5-6 days. go for family holidays for a week. Spend time with parents and siblings. Just make her mind divert. Make her realize that you love her very much and you can't see her with that boy and convince her to leave that boy.

Now about that special child. We don't know how much special child he is. At this moment only his testosterone are over ruling that boy. if he is special child your it's not your wife's duty to satisfy him. He doesn't know what is right and what is wrong. That boy need help of child specialist, Gynac and psychiatrist all together. He must learn how to behave in front of others, how to masturbate. And his parents should know this too.

 Dn't surrender to their parents. even they threaten to die in front of you, They have just gone blind to everyone. They just won't to keep their boy happy. But for their kid they are using your shoulder to fire and behaving innocently. They might behave like ** OMG...!!! We are parents, how can we teach him Sex, My Innocent baby*...!!!** His innocent baby knows how to fuck. So they are getting everything but its like " Sab Eda Ban K Pedha Khane ka Dhanda Hai..." They are using your wife and now you both.

Before tuition of your wife they were taking care of him and they will take care of him during your holidays too then they will take care of him without your wife too. If their parents are open minded then only suggest them to take advise of child specialist, Gynac and psychiatrist and all. Otherwise your gun may backfire. Dn't let them to over rule you. If you have watchman. Give him strict instruction not to let them enter. If that boy is really special child, Make sure about the safety of your family. Sometimes we never see what's coming for us.
answered May 15, 2018 by SHREYASH PATEL (685 points)
selected May 20, 2018 by AmeetKumaar
commented May 16, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Hi Shreyansh,
I am quite surprised while reading your reply. My thought process is entirely changed now from catching a cheating wife to my family’s safety.
I will surely try what you have suggested and hopping it to work.
0 like 0 dislike
this situation is have 2 parts.
first with that boy. before meeting you and your family his parents managed him and they still can manage him.
he may know or not know what is sex. he is enjoying this act. if you let him continue then this might become a habit. and if one day your wife don't feel well and refused to have sex with him that boy do it any how. you may call this rape but this is the thing which satisfying him.
 so for the sake of that kids future don't allow him to near about your wife. he may don't know how to behave in public and can go for sex in public.
you can't let this relationship continue. it's not good thing to carry. if you have a daughter then may be he try to nail your daughter too.

now about your wife.
when at 1st time he show her that game your wife and he didn't have intercourse, but still he got pleasure. your wife take his penis inside her pussy. this is very clear she isn't happy about her sex life with you.
first stop her by taking tution of that boy and give any reason like not possible time consuming etc.
ask her what she needs. is she is satisfied or not. what thing she need you to do.
May be you don't have much stamina like you had previously. but you can try foreplay like kissing, sucking her boobs, licking her pussy, fingering etc.
if you really unable to do this kind of things then you can arrange a guy for her.

keep us updated so we can help you better
answered May 15, 2018 by Harsh.03 (1,045 points)
commented May 16, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Hi harsh,
Thanks for your suggestion. Keeping him away is only solution to this problem. I will have to convince her first to stay away from him. As if she doesn’t try, I’ll be helpless.
commented May 16, 2018 by Harsh.03 (1,045 points)
sometimes you need to be rough.
first ask her politely about this. if she trying to convince you to let her to take tution of that boy, then you should give her 2 choices either you or him. don't listen to your wife nd that kids parents. your families reputation is on the line, your family safty on the line.

and after that you have another problem to deal with. your wife's sexual unsatisfaction. you should have conversation with her why she did this. that boy he don't know how to do sex he was just hopping.
and try those things which I mentioned like foreplay nd special condom.
still if you are not able to satisfy her then it's upto you, whether you allowed her to have sex with other man or not. it's all your choice.
commented Jun 7, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Thanks Harsh,
So far things are moving ahead peacefully. I hope with some change in sex practice, I’ll able satisfy her and soon things will be back to normal.
0 like 0 dislike
You made a blunder by agreeing with your wife that she can teach him. They are obviously having sex with each other as that was the motive of both of them but this time they especially your wife will become more careful about hiding things from you so you would not be able to find anything against her.

She ruined everything and lost your trust so now she has to earn your trust back by doing things to make you feel good in the married life but teaching the same man who fucked her so many times gives the wrong signals and you know that.

No matter how much his parents request you and your wife to teach him you both should make things clear to them that your wife cannot do it and they need to find a new teacher. Ask your wife to stop giving tuitions him immediately otherwise your married life will be destroyed and you cannot live with her anymore.

If I were in your place then I would have left my wife as I cannot be with the cheater and cannot live my life with the cheater but it is you and you have a right to take your own decision but at least make sure that now they cannot meet each other even.
answered May 15, 2018 by alpesh kapdi (28,170 points)
commented May 16, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Alpesh, I do still doubt on her that she is still doing with him. When his parents came to us pleading, she immediately accepted and convinced me too to take tuitions and promised not to do sex. But I really think she is just being more careful hiding the things.
As shreyansh said, I need to stop her slowly not only for sex, but it’s required for our family safety. I have some plans in my mind now and will try best to detach them.
commented May 18, 2018 by gr8gaur (2,735 points)
'His parents came pleading and she immediately accepted and convinced me to take tutions', LMAO! I may sound harsh but the truth is that you're a henpecked husband. She cheated on you with that man child and yet you got convinced to let her continue with him! You lack a backbone and she is out of your reach now.
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Sorry sir but you don't need behave nicely to both of them if the boy has problem it's their parents problem you must take care of your family if you'd Don't stop it right here you have to face worst scenarios  God bless you
answered May 15, 2018 by rockstar536 (965 points)
commented May 17, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
I do agree with you... I need to convince first my wife to stop. Then only it is possible.
0 like 0 dislike
There is a problem in pipeline for your wife if she continues to have sex with special kid.. we understand she is not happy with her hubby's performance, you can try some other safer alternative to regain your previous performance or allow her to find a man for herself who in turn only see sexual pleasure from her and don't cause any trouble like asking for money and sharing her with others posting her videos in any website..
Because this special kid may not be smart enough to hide it in front of his parents and if he get addicted to sex and out of desperacy if he try to do the same with other woman in his family then they will easily come to know what your wife is doing with him and which have legal consequences if they don't like it.
answered May 16, 2018 by maximos7 (270 points)
commented May 17, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Your points are considerable. I definitely need to give thought on this while taking further step.
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Amit,

Hope you are fine.

For any conservative women to get into extra martial affair is not easy. An in your case, I don't think she is mentally involved with that boy, but it is more of a sexual relationship.

For any women to get into extra martial affair, should have some driving forces which pushes her to take that step, n usually it is the men. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, it the way a men treats the women, decide the future of the relationship.

Usually when marriage is above 6 -7 yr old with growing family, priority of men get changed to fulfilling n securing the need of family then love n care. Which is required for secure future of family but on hind sight love between the men n women goes down.

It requires lot of patience n dedication along with sincerity from both  to make sure that crucial aspect of love n trust continues to remain priority along with other needs.

2) if your wife has kept it sceret from, I m suee there is a lack of trust n confidence in your relationship, which you need to work upon. There is nothing in this world which is hidden between me n my hubby.

Time to rebook at priority n then take cautious n calculative steps.

Wish you best of married life

With Love
Sexy Gudiya
answered May 16, 2018 by boldnsexy (1,310 points)
commented May 20, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Yes! Certainly need to work on trust on each other. Will remember and act on it if things go well.
0 like 0 dislike
Your wife is doing a wonderful charitable service to an autistic boy to whom no one else is available. You must understand and accept this as the boy is very calm after sex, otherwise he is restless. After all he is using your wife like a toy. Please love the boy and be compassionate to share the same toy that you also are using. He needs it and there is no one else to be kind enough to provide it.
answered May 17, 2018 by kunjumon57 (505 points)
commented May 18, 2018 by gr8gaur (2,735 points)
edited May 18, 2018 by gr8gaur
Absurdity at its best, never heard a more idiotic thing in my life.
0 like 0 dislike
There is one life for all so i would say there are two ways to approach this one is Moral traditional way and second the cosmopolitan way .

You dont worry of your wife she is gone case if you think traditional way i mean moral way ,so you can easily divorce her and marry other young girl and enjoy your life since if you start tolerating this you will live in a world of insane cheated and deprived destitute sex condition so there is no forgiveness to your wife just divorce with proof in court ,approach a advocate and do this executive way ,let your kids know about your wife and their dirty mother ,and let the all people related to your family know your wife's dirty habits since its the truth of her life who cheated a man like you for 14 years,Just get rid of her otherwise there will one day coming were even she or you will even become criminals in the sake of hate and sex.

Second way is approaching cosmopolitan way that is let her enjoy what ever she wants and you tolerate and you also start relations with new girls and women in front of her either partially making her aware that you are also strong enough to get women at will .This will either make her good or bad according to her character  I will say she has cheated you so either live in open minded conditions.But never allow her to fuck without your notice because she can carry STD to your body very easily .But whoever may be the tuition boy man pls check your wife for STDs urgently so that you are safe.

She is not meant for you its better you divorce her and live with another girl of your choice as per your required direction of thinking.
answered May 17, 2018 by Lifewithfreedoms (920 points)
commented May 20, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Appreciate your suggestion. Need to go for STD test immediately.
commented May 22, 2018 by Lifewithfreedoms (920 points)
life is important than sex i am glade to know that you are taking her for a STD check ,look you will get lot of unnatural responses but see be mature thats life
0 like 0 dislike
There are two ways to deal with this situation

1. Kick her out, shame and humiliate her in front of everyone (especially her kids and parents) and divorce her. Thats my way!

2. Keep fooling yourself thinking that she won't do it again, and she's just taking TUTIONS while nobody's at home. Husbands like you can't do anything except mewling.

If you can't do Step 1, then you've lost her already. Grow a pair!
answered May 18, 2018 by gr8gaur (2,735 points)
commented May 20, 2018 by AmeetKumaar (175 points)
Don’t you find these two answeres too extreme.
commented May 20, 2018 by gr8gaur (2,735 points)
I don't think so, but I guess your wife is having an affair...... a sexual affair. Big Deal or not ? People do one of the two that I mentioned. I would have done step 1 if i were in our place, and I only prescribe medicines that I take myself, but right now you're in the driver's seat..... so the call is yours.

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