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Is it wrong to be sexually active, if you are a widow?

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asked Dec 29, 2017 in Questions by Sulochana33 (125 points)
edited Dec 29, 2017 by longhands1

Hi,

My husband passed away 4 years back. I was totally in shock and depression for first one year. Then my friends helped me to recover from this trauma. One such friend suggested that I make a boyfriend and spend some time with him. She is married and of my age (39).

I was shocked to hear that she has changed 3 boyfriends till date and that too younger than her. Initially, I was against all this. I loved my husband a lot and wanted to stay loyal even after his death. But my body has started feeling the need for love and sometimes I used to feel so crazy that I just wanted a man to be with me and wish he made love to me the whole night.

I discussed about all this with my friend and told her how excited and aroused I feel sometimes. She told me that it's very normal at this age. She told me that sex drive is at peak when you are nearing your forties. I realised that what she was saying was true.

I was craving for a man's touch. She introduced me to her friend (male) who was 12 years younger than us. He was smart, handsome and very mature. I was not ready at first to go for a movie with him. But my friend forced me and I was pushed in a dfifferent world.

It was a world which I had never seen and experienced before. It was so amazing and new to me. I realized what I was missing in my life so far. He made me alive, he gave me the feeling and importance of my existence. Never knew what fulfilling sex can give you. He is such an amazing lover that I feel like I am flying in the heaven. The way he touches and makes love makes me go crazy....   literally. I become a mad woman when I am with him in bed, which I was never before. Life has changed me so much. I have became addictive to sex now.

Just wanted to ask you all, if all this is normal for a woman of my age? And is it okay for a widow to enjoy all this without feeling guilty? Sometimes, I feel I am betraying my husband. I really love him, even now but when the feelings start building I am unable to control it and just flow with my boyfriend.........Is this a sin?

Are any other women here going through the same? I would like to hear from any widow or single women here. Please help me out with my situation.......sometimes I feel so guilty about it.....

Am I doing anything wrong?

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24 Answers

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Best answer
Dear sulochana,

What Lifewithfreedom says, l appreciate that. Our body and mind need three basic things. Food, sleep and sex. If we not give proper food, proper sleep and proper sex our body and mind go paralyzed.  There is no sin to get these three things.

You are not stealing others possessions, you are not murdering others, you are not committing any type of crime. You are just giving proper nutrition to your body and mind, which is most essential for our smooth growth. Tell me, what will happen if you stop eating or stop sleeping? If you control your sexual urge, which is now at it's peak, you will fall ill both physically and mentally. Then how can you maintain your family? How will you bring up your daughter?

Now a days, so many women, so many couples are having sex for greater enjoyment. Nobody feels guilty or consider it a sin. So why are you? You are doing such only to meet your body hunger. So my lovely Sulochana, do not feel guilty,

You asked if having sex with your friend will be a betrayal to your hubby? Tell me, how you feel when your daughter is happy and enjoying her life with anybody as per her choice ? Will you not feel happy with the happiness of your daughter ? Like this, if your hubby loves you a lot, will he be happy seeing you in distress ? Will he not be happy seeing you living happily, and enjoying your life?  A true hubby who loves his wife a lot must be happy seeing his wife enjoying. So my dear, do not feel you are betraying him.

I will tell you about me. I am now 42 and l have two kids. My hubby loves me a lot and wants me to enjoy a lot.  For this, he introduced me to a guy and wee became friends. That guy is also very faithful and loyal to me. He also loves me a lot. Without the knowledge of my hubby, l had sex with that guy 4/5 times. After some days, l felt very guilty and felt that l betrayed my hubby who loves me a lot and had faith in me. So at last, l confessed all to my hubby.

Do u know Sulochana, what was his reaction ? He said, " Today l feel myself very proud and lucky getting such a lovely and sweet wife. I love you so much. l want all the happiness comes to your feet and you enjoy everything.  From today, we both love you and will take care of you. I feel proud that you are having two guys in your life."

Dear Sulochana, since then we 3 share everything and enjoy everything. My Sex Life is unbelievable. So my suggestion to you is not to feel guilty, enjoy life, love and care for yourself first and then love your daughter.  

Thanx.

My Wish is that you live happily.

Your neha
answered Dec 30, 2017 by nneha (325 points)
selected Jan 18 by Sulochana33
commented Jan 1 by Harsh.03 (760 points)
Well, I agree to few things that you said.

Yes, sex is necessary just like food, clothes, shelter etc. and everyone has rights for that.

But I also think that you need to choose your sex partner wisely. As now you are having sex relations with your husband as well as your BF who is married, he may not get sex from his wife.

But will his wife know about this? I think not. But what will happen when she knows that. That may create many problems. Don't think that I'm only talking to you.

What I am saying is for you, sulochana and all the women who want to have EMA and this kind of relationship. Having sexual relationship with another married man, just think before you start your relationship. Your few minutes of enjoyment may screw his wife's life. If his wife is okay with that then there is no problem.

And I personally feel that women like you should have sexual relationship with single man as there is no other women in his life, so no screwing.

After all it's your call.
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Hello Ms Sulochana.... Sorry To Hear about your Husband....

I am just 36 Year Guy, and don't know much about women but would just like to tell you one thing that please don't involve yourself with the guys who are younger as you may never know when it can become a deadly addiction and it may happen that he moves out for his own commitment then you will be in a difficult situation.

Other situation can be that when you are very much attached he may start demanding anything or can blackmail you. I would suggest that for your needs you better make relation with people who are unknown and never disclose your identity to anyone.

Best of luck.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by babblo4u (170 points)
commented Dec 29, 2017 by Sulochana33 (125 points)
hi, thanks for your suggestion ....but I am not emotionally attached with him....I don't think I will get easily attached with someone else than my husband.
0 like 0 dislike
There is nothing wrong. You are trying now. Just go ahead but all acts should be restricted to secrecy otherwise things can go out of control. In a person's life, self Management is the biggest challenge, which has to be mastered and practiced. Make yourself understand its not only mind, its body which also has to be satisfied .A peaceful mind follows from only a satisfied body.

Just read how to get more pleasure out of good sex practice with your boyfriend and just get contended. Don't get mad since its all your right to enjoy your body. Always imagine self respect towards yourself. Be humble to your self and enjoy life.

Now regarding situation, I will give you my experience which should be taken in the spirit of understanding need of sex life not meant for any ego clash with other members in this group.

I am a male and stay with my partner. She is 24 and is very broad minded and respects me a lot. One of her friends, who is 29 got divorced 2 years back. She comes to our house 4 to 5 times in a month. I have sex with her since my partner insisted that she required a sex life too.

Also one of her friends who is 30 and is a widow, having one child, comes and stays in our house 2 to 3 times in a month. We also have sex. We don't share guilt since we understand that a pleasant face and spirit of living needs seeds of love, care and sex. I love and like the widow lady since she has very good affection for me, but we have limited things to satisfaction of mind, soul and body only its the purpose of life required now.

I don't have crave for sex with women who don't love me. It's my principle in life because sex with a woman whom you don't love is of no pleasure.

So don't go out of limit on anything. Understand the need and act to achieve it. I am explaining things to you Solochana, since you used the word mad and madness for care.

Have a great time.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by Lifewithfreedoms (545 points)
commented Dec 29, 2017 by Sulochana33 (125 points)
quite interesting that your wife allows you to have sex with other women.....  will like to know more about your widow friend...how's she dealing with her life and all...
commented Dec 30, 2017 by Lifewithfreedoms (545 points)
Hi Sulochanna

Your question was regarding my widow friend she was almost in your state when she met us she had a guilt in all thinking only ,but slowly I advised her running to a big market of love , sex  ,friends ,are dangers and risky as she is alone and need a long way to go in life which is more important than sex she changed her way of thinking that time itself by seeing and  believing a couple like us  ,she also has no intentions of marriage when we recommended But she said she would love her kid and need our family support..She is doing well in her life by the way you have asked me a question how my wife allow my relation in sex with the widow lady Because my wife I never call her wife she is my partner and knows I dont get into any other women and she is a little bit caring of for the widow friend thats all there is no kind of ego in between women i know it by my experience ,ego comes when there is no love care for each other.

So I feel you have to just study topics of self management just google topics on self management good affirmations and self respect motivations are available in net which will take your guilt's out ,,,,,,,,,,further various suggestions to your answers will make you more powerful to windup your mind to a wright conclusions. .

Just understand what you are doing is not wrong under circumstances which should not create harm to anybody else in society all people have their own perceptions.

I believe having sex with a women whom you dont love is of no use and it is dissatisfied.sex.  So love your boyfriend as a part of sex let the sex be divine in nature to you.

I liked your thinking because with your boyfriend you are having care and affection just keep it to this level only,not to a future marriage with him and all ,,,,,,,. and live a enjoyed life .

One cannot convenience mind without giving happiness to body.

Anyway have a great new year enjoy the most .
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Dear sulochana33,

It is okay for you to enjoy. In this society many widows get remarried again. For what? Because it is tough to live alone especially being a woman in this age.

Yes, Research has shown that women have high libido from their 30s all the way to their 40s. Getting remarried is equivalent to having sex and satisfying yourself. Please don't feel guilty. You are not cheating on your husband. He is just gone in vain and there is no one to help and satisfy you. It's okay for you to have another partner.

Just think about the people who are getting remarried again! I would suggest you get married again to someone else who Is interested in you at your age. Many men are also there in this situation. At this very young age, you cannot handle all your life issues all on your own. It's too much burden and causes lot of stress. It's okay to have a stress buster and have sex with your boyfriend.

Don't care about people in society. Your health is important for you. Your mental health is the most important. But please make sure that only you and your friend know about this relation. Because society / your family will not accept for you to date a guy way WAY younger than you once they know it.

Try to keep it as a secret as much as possible. And please, for God's sake please use protection while having sex because you know what problems could pop up once you are pregnant with your boyfriend. The best way is to get married again. I think that's what even psychiatrists or counselors will suggest.

Please don't feel guilty, sulochana33. All is well. Enjoy each and every time of your life. Try to make the most out of every moment. Stay AWESOME and have a happy sex life !  :)
answered Dec 29, 2017 by Darius (630 points)
commented Dec 29, 2017 by Sulochana33 (125 points)
Thanks, but I will not be able to marry again ...my daughter is my world now...
commented Dec 29, 2017 by Darius (630 points)
Sulochana33 one of my neighbours .... A lady having kids lost her husband due to cancer ...is now married to someone else and settled abroad ...
0 like 0 dislike
NO,  THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN IT!

It would've been wrong if your husband was alive and you were cheating on him,  but its been 4 years that he's gone and one should move on in life.

Life is too short,  and sexual life is even shorter.  Enjoy the life and feel no guilt at all.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,955 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi sulochana.. I have read your question

Absolutely it's not wrong. Nobody knows what you are and what your inner feelings are or what your body needs.

You are a young woman. Definitely you need somebody. My sincere suggestion is that you keep it as a secret. Third eye should not know about this.

Enjoy
answered Dec 29, 2017 by dr kalyan (400 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Like you, my aunt is also a widow. She also used to feel depressed and everything. Since we started having sex she has became happy.

So, I suggest you to do the same. Just don't forget your responsibilities. And you're not cheating on your hubby since he's dead.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by akashprakash9999 (240 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi Sulochana
There is nothing wrong in having sexual desire after your husband's death. At this age, very normally, you will remain sexually active. And, naturally, you may get attached with someone physically. But, it is a must for you right now to stop casual sexual encounters and to think for marrying someone and start a healthy conjugal life. That will be safe and respectful for you.
All the best regards.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by amidekhi (180 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi sulochana,

Nothing wrong in fulfilling your physical desires. It is the same as eating your lunch when you are hungry. It won't be seen as cheating because your husband is not alive and you are independent from all the means now.

And for a better and loyal relationship, I would suggest you to go with a guy who is widower or divorced because he also will have same need as yours so he will respect and treat you as his angel.

Unmarried single guys just drop in the middle once they feel bored about you or when they marry a new girl.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by maximos7 (205 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I would like to talk on some points.

First every human being has sexual needs, so what you are doing is not wrong but you need to look around too.

Now my next point about morals. As your husband is dead now, so there is no moral thing left. So leave this cheating and loyal thoughts.

You need someone who can listen to you, can understand you, love you and most important give you enjoyable sex.

Second marriage is also a nice option. You need to search nice guy who can accept your child. But if you are not comfortable with second marriage, then you can have relationship with the guy you like. As you mentioned the guy who is 12 years younger to you, he may get married soon then what will you do? So think about this too.

I know you need sexual satisfaction but there is no need to hop into bed as soon as possible. Take some time.
Take precautions during sex, because if you get pregnant at this stage then it will be hard for you.

I hope you understand my point. but if you have any doubts you can ask me here
answered Dec 29, 2017 by Harsh.03 (760 points)
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Hi Sulochana,

I just want to let you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing. It is your right to indulge and satisfy your desires. The only thing you need to be careful about is how this relationship is managed with regards to your daughter.

You are dealing with it in a mature manner, but sometimes family members take it in the wrong sense. Having sex with your boyfriend is not betrayal to your departed husband. Where you can show loyalty to him is taking good care of his daughter.

Enjoy yourself.
answered Dec 29, 2017 by Tuff (400 points)
0 like 0 dislike
That guilt feeling is very obvious but you are not cheating him. Sorry to hear about your hubby but you have your whole life ahead you should do things which you love and satisfy you.  And craving for sex in this sge is understandable i support you enjoy. :)
answered Dec 30, 2017 by myselfarun (1,230 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Sulochana,

This is a Man's World and all Laws are "man" made to keep Women in check. But Times are changing and women are demanding and getting their rightful place and freedom in Society. Women no longer have to cover their faces in whatever they do.

There is no limit to sexuality and it would be incorrect to put an age till what you can have sex and enjoy Life. You would be surprised to know that many women after menopause enjoy sex with abandon.

Why should you feel guilty or think you are sinning? Sexual appetite is just a body need like food and drink and there is no point in killing it. I would like to believe that your husband would like to see you happy, in his absence and so would not object to anything that makes you happy.

Some would advise you to find love in the arms of a Man of your age. I disagree. I think it is more about lust and sex and it is more fulfilling and enjoyable making love to a younger man, who has bounds of energy. It also allows you to be in control and have the young man at your beck and call.

Some words of caution: Try not to fall in love with him and keep it strictly sexual. If you can ensure that he has sex only with you, that would be great. If you can get him to use a condom each time, so much the better.

Is your daughter aware of this relationship? You will need to shield her. Men have this habit of eyeing every apple in their sight.

In conclusion: Life is short. As long as you are not hurting someone else (your daughter), just go ahead and enjoy Life and Sex with gay abandon.
answered Dec 30, 2017 by longhands1 (80,530 points)
0 like 0 dislike
You feel guilty because you are still unable to accept that it is your right to have sex and enjoy and there is nothing like that you are cheating on your husband or you are bad person sex would not make you a bad person and you should not judge yourself based on your sex desire . You are. moving on in your life and that is what one has to do so do not feel guilty about anything as you are doing nothing wrong and you are just enjoying your life that way you want.

Your husband would be proud of you that you have moved on if he sees you from anywhere. I would say stop over thinking as that is the problem and keep doing things that make you happy. Sex is a natural requirement of the body so you should get sex.

It might be wrong in the eye of the society but that does not mean that you are doing any sin as sometimes we have to keep those things secret as we are living in traditional country and nothing else. You are happy so nothing should be matter to you.
answered Dec 30, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (23,920 points)
0 like 0 dislike
You have already experienced pleasures of extra- marital sex.Your friend act as a catalytic agent.Everything is fair in love and war.You may go ahead but don't get addicted to it. Guilty consciousness may be hindrance in your path.Try to overcome this.
answered Dec 30, 2017 by Motilal (7,035 points)
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Hi sulochona,

It is not wrong. You can have sex. I came to know that you have daughter. Discuss this matter with her ( if she is adult or at least 15 years old) or as soon as possible when she can understand sex and relationship.

If she knows your lifestyle from second person or discover your lifestyle by herself, it may harm her. She may drive into different world thinking that you dishonored her father or her mother is doing something which is immoral. For that I will suggest you have an open and friendly relationship with your daughter.

One more thing, don't allow third person to take decision other than your daughter, not even your friends. Consider only those decision which is best for your family. You can have any number of boyfriends / sexual partners, but can't afford to lose your daughter.
answered Dec 30, 2017 by Kitkatray (355 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Hi Sulochana,

I'm Prava, 37 years old.  I can understand your situation, because I've gone through this situation even when my husband was alive.

But you are a widow, so its natural that you need someone to fulfill your desire and it can be sex also. You have much respect towards your husband, that's great. But he will never come to you again. But you are alive and you know your need and also know how to fulfill it.

So don't think too much, only do. But privacy should be kept, otherwise you know what will happen. And don't let your daughter to know about this. Hope I answered your question.
answered Dec 31, 2017 by dashing prava (445 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Sulochana33,

Hope you got many replies. I would like to share a few of my views.

1. Please don't allow him to take pleasure from you. In other words you exploit him and not vice versa. Never take any pics. How many times he screwed you? Was it gentle or hard? I mean did he treated you as his gf or an opportunity?

2. Never allow him to compliment about your daughter. You have to ensure that you utilize him to vent out your pressure. Never share your feelings too with. I guess it's better you have anal sex with him. So that anal pain will subsidize your guilty. Many anal sex tips are available in this forum.

Regards
answered Dec 31, 2017 by Dr.Murli (160 points)
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dear sulochna mam,

First, my condolences. Sad to hear about your hubby's demise and huge respect to you because you want him to be the only man in your life. You don't want to marry someone else shows your true love for him..

Coming to your question. NO, You are not committing any sin by having sex with others but please don't get emotionally attached because that would mean you are cheating on your hubby.

I also want a wife for whom I would be the only man in her life and she would be the only girl in my life. But if she is feeling sexually unsatisfied, I would allow her to have sex with others (however I won't have sex with other women in return because she will be my only woman).....

So, please go ahead. Enjoy your sex life (just don't get addicted) and take good care of your daughter....
answered Dec 31, 2017 by JORDAN110894 (150 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Your friend is of course is right - women are in sexual peak at the age of 30 to 40s. Since you are a widow and I guess do not want to engage in a serious relationship/marriage, the world is yours.

Your friend has already introduced you to her GF. You may make best use of this friendship towards an enjoyable lesbian relationship. You are also lucky that this friend has introduced you to a male friend much younger than you.

Many young men love to have sex with a mature women and you are here for this. On the other hand, many mature women do love to have sex with younger men and that includes rough sex. I think both the widows are open to you - make best use of the both.

Enjoy while you are still sexually active, physically and emotionally.
answered Jan 1 by zena69 (1,825 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Dear Sulochna,

Being a female myself, I can understand your situation, and I completely agree with you. Every human being has sexual desires and he/she has the right to get it. Your husband has passed away and he is not in this physical world. You only have him in your memories....

But sexual desire is a physical need. There is nothing wrong if you get it, and have a satisfied sex life with your BF.  Just make sure NOT TO ALLOW any photos, camera, video or any evidence of sex with him so that he can not blackmail you in future.

Be careful. Enjoy every moment of life. Life is very short.

Lots of Love! and Happy New Year 2018.
answered Jan 2 by sheetal69 (480 points)
0 like 0 dislike
There is nothing wrong in what you doing.  You deserve enjoying your sex life.  Only be careful of unwanted pregnancy and emotional attachments. If needed,  you can change your partner too.  Matured male older than you could be your another choice.
answered Jan 2 by Signor (110 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi

I find these kind of messages on this website. But it is very hard to believe that wife of a husband is having sex with other men with the knowledge of him and husband of a wife is having sex with other women with her knowledge.

For all such messages found here it is just a fantasy.There is no truth in it, until I meet some one who posts these here personally.
answered Jan 2 by RIHBS (210 points)
commented Jan 2 by longhands1 (80,530 points)
RIHBS,

You are living with a covered head. There are many, many cases like these, which are not a Fantasy. This happens not only in Big Cities but even in small Towns. Move around in the right places, not in circles and you will know the truth.

Moderator
commented Jan 14 by RIHBS (210 points)
thanks for clearing my doubt
what do you mean by right places ? which are they if this happens with me  or any person who is having such issues meets me  or talks then only I will believe.I have seen many widows and rich females but no one   is like this
0 like 0 dislike
There is absolutely nothing wrong in what you are doing. In fact it is the only right thing to do if you want to live a normal healthy and happy life.

If you do not indulge in sexual acts you will not be able to work properly, look after whatever family you have and also not be happy. You have nearly 40 yrs ahead of you. People who leave us would never want us to lead a miserable life.

Any one who has your interest in mind will give you the same advice.

All the best.
answered Jan 6 by pklalgarh (155 points)

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