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How to stop my wife from cheating and having sex with other men?

asked Jul 5, 2017 in Questions by Baluki Solomon (120 points)
edited Jul 17, 2017 by longhands1

I am a Professional, working far from home and come home only on Weekends and fortinightly. I have a wife aged 34 with 2 children.

What has surprized me is that my wife has sustained a sexual relationship with two men who are our neighbours for the last 4 years. She meets them separately sometimes at out home when I am away and sometimes in lodges near our home.

The vaillagers who have followed them and who sometimes have taken them to the lodges are the ones who informed me.  When I asked her about this, she denied completely. I followed up the matter by tracking the phone call data and discovered overwhelmingly that she is too guilty.

She often receives over 100 phone calls from each of these men in a month!  When I confronted one of the men, he accepted and promised to discontine the affair, which he didnt.  I reported the matter to the Police and both men have been charged with criminal tresspass and the cases are yet to be determined.

My main problem though is that I still love my wife and I want to forgive her for the sake of our children.

But my problem is:  How do I stop her from cheating?  The wife is still with me and despite the evidence she insists she is not involved.

Thanks for the reading. Need your Advice.

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9 Answers

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I read ur question and details. It doesn't mention ur age, ur kids age. How long u have been married. It's arrange marriage or love marriage.

U said ur working far away from home. Since how many days ur working there. U said ur wife doing since past 4 years but may be she is doing affair for longer time or may be shorter period.

Since u had sex with ur wife and now have kids so u can't divorce her. The future of ur kids will be in jeopardy. So u need to be careful before taking any decisions.

She is having affair but denied. Everyone denied that that is first place. So there is nothing to worry about. If u planed and caught her red handed then she will beg u for forgiveness but after some day this affair will rejuvenate. So u need to work at the root level.

U mentioned that ur wife having sex with two man. Let's say there is only one man. So ur wife and the guy having sex in ur absence in ur home and sometimes at the lodge. They may be do sex daily at ur home. So u need to stop them having sex at ur place. Where is ur parents. Bring them at ur home. Don't allow her to leave home  meance keep her at home and allow her to go outside sometimes. This will limit her activity. She may get frustrated but there only one place for to have sex and that is lodge.
This won't stop the problem but it will reduce some pain.
Now coming to another point. She started affair. This indicates that there is connection loss inbetween u and ur wife. Take a holiday. Spent some time with her. Understand her. Understand what is the problem. Stay calm.

Keep asking ur doubts here about changing scenario  and the fellow members of this site will give u many nice ideas
answered Jul 5, 2017 by Harsh.03 (570 points)
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Baluki , Sorry to know your prediacment!  It so seems that your prolonged contineous absence  might have prompted her to stray. However this could not be an excuse and can not be accepted as justification. Now she have tasted the forbidden fruit it is difficult for her to stay away from it. 

      As you have found these men calling her 100 of times what is stopping you from showing her her call log and asking what else proof does she needs? Whether they discussing global warming or global political issues on phone calls? You are a wise and considerate as you are ready to forgive her of her deeds for the sake of your children. It needs big heart. But ensure that your wife should be warned that if she strays again you will leave her . Best of luck! 

One more thing you can do is to try to work at your hometown. So your wife wont miss you physically and there would be less chances of her cheating you again. And at home you can give more attention to her and keep an eye over her. Contemplate this alternative. 

answered Jul 5, 2017 by prashant69 (6,990 points)
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First of all get this universal fact straight from me, NEVER EXPECT A WOMAN TO PLEAD GUILTY FOR HAVING EMA/CHEATING. So in short stop wasting your time trying to make her accept the affair, even if you had HD clear video evidence women will be like 'oh that's not me, it must be my twin'.

Now coming to you wanting her to stop cheating on you, well..... YOU CAN'T !
The laws in our country and infact majority of the world are heavily biased in woman's favor. Even in your case the police took action against men but not your wife. Say if you were to ask for divorce, the court will give her the custody plus you have to pay alimony unless she's employed or you have concrete proof.

You're willing to make this marriage work but you won't be able to stop what your wife is doing cause she blatantly refuses to own her misdeeds and that is a sign of a repeat offender.

The only solution that comes to my mind is to involve both set of parents (yours and hers) and have a full and final discussion. But if this doesn't work then....

Still you got three choices:

1. Keep hoping against hope that she will correct herself which is nothing but a time waste.
2. Divorce her, but you can't and won't.
3. Which I would have done if I was in your place, stab the part of your heart which still loves her (not literally) and just treat her as a mother of your kids, a maid or a caretaker and enjoy your life like a bachelor. In short an open marriage. Bike runs on two tyres, if one gets punctured then bike won't move for long...... you just keep dragging it.

I know you might not like these options but life has never been a bed of roses.
answered Jul 5, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
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I would suggest u to humiliate her in front of her entire family arrange a get together where her whole family is available and try to show these evidence to them, let her know what's wrong she's doing...
Dil PE lagegi tabhi to baat banegi
answered Jul 6, 2017 by rockstar536 (640 points)
commented Jul 6, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
I love this suggestion but from what @BALUKI described his wife is totally shameless and is hellbent on making his life hell.
commented Jul 6, 2017 by rockstar536 (640 points)

Yes, but you know your wife better. If she's a working woman or maybe not everyone expects respects from people around him/her.

Unless or until you try this you wouldn't get to know. You cannot let her ruin you emotionally for the sake of sex....

In case this does not help you, at least You will have her family on  your side in this scenario maybe they can guide you further.

commented Jul 7, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
Hmmm......    Makes sense.
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Solomon

There are simple solutions. Shift your home to your working place - be it a village / town / mega city or metro.
Forget about costs involved. It is important you see your children in front of you and interact with you daily.
answered Jul 6, 2017 by solliadi (1,805 points)
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Painful situation when your mind disagree and ur heart still wanna give chance.if u don't take proper action situation might goes against you. If you don't value your life. None of your close one give value . As per my advice just make your wife release her mistake completely if not she is not good for you and your children 1 thing for few days stop talking to your wife or tell her you don't want to continue this marriage (for only make her release her mistake). Let her feel igronance. If she is really guilty she will prove her by changing her self.god u bless dear. I wish all get solved soon
answered Jul 6, 2017 by hustle_boy (135 points)
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Dear Solomon,

I read details that you wrote about your wife.  Why do you feel that your wife is cheating you ? You say that you are loving your wife very much. But I think, you do not love her 100 percent fully.

You feel that she is your asset and what you want she does accordingly.  It is not full love.  Full love means indepence, happiness.   What your wife is doing ? Just enjoying.  If u love someone and if she/he enjoying, will you not feel happy ?  You love your son/daughter. What you want ? They enjoy fully in their life.  

But why you  change your measure in case of your wife ? Because you feel, your wife is your property.   If you love her fully you never encroach on her freedom.  Does she neglect any household work or her duty towards you or your kids ? If not why you are punishing her ?  Only for she is enjoying with other men ?  It is an outdated orthodox mentality. You asked still she is not confessing her guilt.

Think, how a wife tell her hubby that she is doing so. She feels ashamed to you.   Life is meant for enjoyment.  Dear friend, just change ur mentality. You feel very happy that ur beloved wife is just enjoying.  You should feel proud of her.  

Samething happened in my life .  I did sex several times with my boy frnd without the knowledge of my hubby in his absence. When he knew it he became very angry with me, scolded me a lot. But just after someday  he realised his mistakes.  He told me it was his great mistake to  scolded me in this way, you are fully independent to live ur life according to you.  

But l cleared and said l never keep relation with that guy.  Then he requested me a lot, begged pardon for his scolding.  And later  he  invited my bf to our home  without my knowledge and told me that "l have given a nice gift for my beloved wife, please accept it".  I got surprised seeing my bf with him. My hubby said it is my gift to you, keep it n enjoy life fully as u want.  

Since then he always feel proud of me.   Now we 3 enjoy fully.  So my dear friend, just change ur mentality, love ur wife  and give her full freedom. Then only you see the real love of ur wife.

answered Jul 7, 2017 by nneha (325 points)
commented Jul 11, 2017 by solliadi (1,805 points)
Nneha - I really mesmerised with your philoshopy of life. Life is full of enjoyment. Then some queries came to my mind. Why should we marry, if we want only enjoyment breaking the value of marriage. What happens if your kid enjoys with your internet friend and colleague of your husband. Anyway whose kid is that?

I remember, one of my friend is spendingliberally his money. One fine day, I think in Nov last year, he is not able to withdraw his own money from the bank - lot of restrictions with all his withdrawal instruments. Remember, Even Government excercises control in our money in a democratic country with a purpose, overnight, don't you feel you are fooling the marriage institution in a far cheaper way. You should be ashamed of it.
commented Jul 21, 2017 by JORDAN110894 (150 points)
neha mam
i fully support ur views!! i wish i cud get a wife lyk u!! My wife too will b free to enjoy sex with other men as i want her to be fully happy & satisfied!!! this is true love!!
0 like 0 dislike

If she is still denying then I would say you should ask her to see the therapist as it seems that she has issues to be solved. However, at the same time let her know that you are ready to accept her mistake if she admits it but if she continues to deny it then you would not be able to forget those things she did behind your back and you may go for the divorce too.

Show your willingness to strengthen the married life and ask her support in the process. She needs to see the marriage counselor at the same time so discuss with her and tell her if she wants to be with you then she has to take serious steps to strengthen the married life otherwise she has to be ready for the worst thing. I am sure she will do everything you ask her if she wants to be with you otherwise you know what is the best for you and your kids. 

answered Jul 7, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (22,910 points)
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Dear Baluki,

I can understand the pain you are going through. But I'm keeping my point of view here. You are staying away from home, that's ok. You do it because of earning money for your family. Your wife also works in home as she is a house wife. She cooks, prepares your children for school, then does other work in home. If your parents are there, then she must be taking care of them. She has done her part.

Now coming to you. As you are not in home, you must have called your wife and asked about her, how is she, what she is doing and what about children etc. During weekend you come to your home may be with some gifts for your children and your wife.

So what you think, you have done your part. No, there is still a thing left to prove that you love your wife, that is sex. And you must do it in weekend I think. Sex once a week, is it enough? May be for you, but have you ever asked about it to your wife? Is she satisfied the amount of love you are giving in weekend. I think you never asked.

Ok, whatever let it go. When you got to know she has affair, have you ever asked yourself wasn't there are any fault of yours? No you only showed her guilty in front of others, didn't show your demerits. The fact is you haven't given that much time to your wife that she wanted.

That's why she cheated. It's not too late, if you want to save your marriage. The time has come to take a wise move , take your family with you where you work. And forget about the past.

Wish you have a great time ahead. Forgive me if my words hurt you.
answered Aug 22, 2017 by dashing prava (420 points)

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