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My wife is addicted to having sex with different Masseurs. How to handle this?

asked Jul 2, 2017 in Questions by wick007 (420 points)
I am a 30 year old guy, married for 5 years with a kid. Ours was a love marriage. My wife and I were having sexual issues since a long time with hardly any initiation from her side. This made me suffer for a long time.

Please read all my earlier Posts to get thebackground of this Question. I tried everything in my capacity but she hardly let me have sex with her.

She had called a masseur with whom she seemed more than comfortable and when confronted she admitted she had enjoyed the touch of the male masseur and wanted to go beyond just massage and even have sex if I am comfortable.

I was caught in a difficult choice where wife wanted to enjoy raw action with someone else and expected me to enjoy her fantasy too. I came to know later through my watchman, that she had been calling other masseurs frequently in my absence and may be having sex with them.

I am quiet disturbed seeing her attitude. She seems to want having sex with multiple guys (only masseurs). I came early one evening, opened the door softly and then the bedroom door, and as I had thought, she was nude and the male masseur was nude too and was working on her breasts. I stood watching not knowing what to do next.

She saw me and without any hint of shock called me and I too ended up in the bed. She removed my clothes and seduced me with passion. It ended with the masseur giving me oil massage and my wifey giving a blowjob. It soon became a threesome with the masseur, exciting both of us.. giving me the most erotic massage, I had ever had including my genitals and I hate to admit it, but I was loving it.

I dont know if I can actually be called a gay, though I would hate to be touched like that again..

I went on to fuck my wife with her playing with masseur's dick (not bj, as she was basically subordinating him all the time).. and then he did the same when I was done. I could see why it was different. He was doing it as a job, like he was being paid to give pleasure, like his motive was fixed, and I could see why she wanted to do with masseurs only right then.

We haven't had a word about the massage after that, but we make love passionately almost every night, and the incident hasn't yet repeated. Surprisingly we have tried out quiet a few positions which we never did before. I have stopped coming early with the same hope that I don't see that again.

In reality, I would never admit it but I never wanted a wife that I am supposed to share. I cant think of divorce as I can't leave my kid with a single parent so divorce isn't an option for me.

At present I am letting things go as they are. I am definitely getting more and better sex than before, but the other aspects of oour relationship is quiet strained.

I am not sure if I should just accept this and go with the flow or be an active participant in the same and enjoy it too?

There is one more aspect that's clear to me, that wife wants to do with masseurs as she is in control, and she can command. If I had known before, I could have given it to her, but i believe now it's too late for anything.

I'm unable to look at her beyond sex as of now.. it's getting difficult to handle other aspects of marriage now.

What is your opinion?

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4 Answers

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Best answer

Hello wick,

I have gone through all your previous questions and all the answer you got. People gave you answers but they are on superficial level. I have many points to say. You will understand them quite easily I hope.

1) If I'm a masseur, I will strictly do my job. If I'm giving massage to any women and she asked me for sex, I will definetly fuck her. Why I say no when I get free sex. If you were in this masseur's place you will also do this.

2) You said that yours is a love marriage. You both were on the same page, but after your narration it feels that there is a gap between you and your wife.

3) You said that you fucked a random woman. Then told your wife you had an erotic massage. It seems that your wife is accepting your mistake and forgave you. You said that she is earning well and is not dependant on ypu. She is stillwith you. This indicates that she loves you.

Another incident you mentioned about massage sessions. She did one session with you and then did in others in your absence. There is 100% chance that she is having sex with masseur. You can place hidden camera in your  home to find out the truth, but what will you do if u find out the truth. It looks that you are aware of this but still can't confront her.

4) How you did not investigate that guy is giving massage to a lady. After that she asked him for sex which he did and I thought that went very well for her. She hired him again and again to get same experience. That lady is your wife's friend or co worker whatever it is, your wife and that lady had a chat about something and that lady may have given his no to your wife. This is my theory which may be true. I can't find any reason that masseur start giving erotic massage without asking or hinting.

Open marriage/ swinging / divorce ?

Your marriage is not screwed yet. But if you don't act wiser then it will get screwed. Some mistakes you did and some mistakes your wife also did.

What went wrong in your marriage is your behaviour. She is getting bored of you. So first you need to improve, physically and mentally also.

It looks like you have added some spice in your life, and your wife also added some spices. But you both forgot to make good mixture. You need to work a lot. You think you are satisfying your wife physically, but there are lot more things you need to lookout for which you totally ignored.

Your wife is not your puppet. She also has feelings. You must respect that. She also has some concepts about sex.

The masseur is good but she can't have sex with him her whole life. You don't want to share ur wife, but right now u need to share her. She is enjoying his company, he knows how to play. Your wife wants control, which she can't do with you. Allow your wife to have sex with masseur, but tell her to only fix one. Gift her a pack of condoms for protection. She also must take care of herself, as the masseur may have captured her nude pics and later he can blackmailed you.

Call the masseur in your presence. Let your wife and masseur have sex, but strictly u must remain in another room while ur wife is having sex.

Give us updates on your scenario.

answered Jul 7, 2017 by Harsh.03 (615 points)
edited Jul 13, 2017 by longhands1
commented Jul 7, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,905 points)
I bet @longhands1 would have felt the need to rest his fingers editing this answer but then he thought 'why should I suffer for people who skipped their grammar classes'? (Just kidding @longhands1).
commented Jul 13, 2017 by longhands1 (78,150 points)
edited Jul 13, 2017 by longhands1


Thanks for the compliment. You are right. Often, I think some of our Users think in their local Language and then translate it verbatim into English.

After loads of Editing, I tend to forget my English Grammar.smiley

In any case, the Answer from Harsh, seems to have been approved by one of our other Editors!!  

Now, that you have pointed it out, I am editing it.angry

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Initially you have committed mistake by engaging male Massaeur for body massage of your wife.Female masseurs are also available.You liked her massage by males,find nothing wrong.She is feeling the touch of various male erections and unable to check her temptation.Getting more pleasure from them and ignoring you.Compromise among yourself.Perhaps you have to accept this.
answered Jul 3, 2017 by Motilal (6,690 points)
commented Jul 3, 2017 by wick007 (420 points)
i never initiated masseurs.. it was done by wifey..
i feel i have to either take a compromise option or getting out of this completely.. there's no other way.
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In the entire scheme, there is no mention about your kid's, present and future. After your marriage, your parents still hate you; Her parents still hate her.
answered Jul 3, 2017 by solliadi (1,965 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Got nothing to say, you let it slip out of your hand and now you're on your own. Get divorce or make it an open marriage.

 BTW are you rich enough to afford these bills of all masseurs ? Why not tell her to work and pay for the masseurs by herself and not enjoy on your money ? But I bet you can't even do that.
answered Jul 3, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,905 points)
commented Jul 3, 2017 by wick007 (420 points)

Hi Gr8gaur,

Wife earns well on her own and isn't dependent on me. Her job gives her flexibility to work from home hence she has a lot of time. My kid ends up being more with the grandparents who live not far away, just a 10 min drive. Its easy to organise dropping kid whenever wanted.

Getting a divorce isn't an option. I have seen how it affects the kid. Open marriage too isn't my choice. I have tried setting some rules with wifey. She is trying to make me a cuckold I feel, which I don't want to be. A fight has happened over this too. I'm physically capable of satisfying her.

I don't know why she is suddenly into masseurs and that too different ones. She isn't explaining this and says it has made our sex life amazing again, which I agree. But she has done it completely her way and for her fantasies.. I'm having problems with that too..

She told me it's just a phase and I have to just adjust with that. I thinking of acting on my fantasies too, just to balance it off, but she is suddenly possessive when i told her i had a one night stand with a random gal. She is blaming me for cheating saying there's a difference between something I did without her knowledge or consent and her action was in front of me and in my knowledge.

How do I argue on that.

Is it alright to be with a partner who is addicted to have massage and sex with different masseurs?

I don't understand her addiction

commented Jul 3, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,905 points)
'How do I argue on that', well you don't cause even if you don't want to be a cuckold you're surely a henpecked husband.

I have to be a bit harsh with my words here so excuse me for that but you let yourself dance to her tunes. Tell me what was the need for you to tell her about your one night stand ? Unless of course you blurted it out in anger during the 'fight' you talked about. Did she told you about all those masseurs she called in your absence ? Apparently not cause you got to know about all this through your watchman.

And she accuses you of cheating on her and you say  'how do I argue on that'? Pot calling kettle black ! Well in case you forgot she gave you the green light to have an affair when she closed her legs for months deliberately, ring a bell ?

Do you realise one thing, she is the boss and she calls the shots and you just comply.

1. She denies you sex so you can't force her as it's a crime and unlike women you can't take divorce on this ground as well. I have seen plenty of women getting easy divorce cause they don't get enough sex.
2. She decides whom to pick and choose and she has the guts to tell you that 'its just a phase and you have to adjust with that'. I'd call it terms and conditions apply.
3. She doesn't feel the need to explain her fantasies, her choices, and her decisions. It's like 'this is what I'll do, deal with it'.

Lastly, 'is it alright to be with a partner who's addicted to having massage and sex with different masseurs'? Why do you even bother asking this question when you can't open the marriage and can't divorce her ? You have to live according to her terms my friend, why are you so confused then ?

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