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What are the pitfalls of marrying an Escort?

asked Jun 16, 2017 in Questions by FitBhai (120 points)
recategorized Jun 16, 2017 by longhands1

I have been unhappily married for 20 years with 3 kids. I met an escort on one of my business trips and boy there were sparks! I met her only once so far but have been chatting with her for the past whole month every night. We have video chat as I sleep in a separate room. I respect my wife as the mother of my kids but due to 20 years of negativity there is no love left.  She is a good person but we are not a good match - clearly!!

I happen to be a very jealous type of person.  So, will I be able to handle an escort?  With all her sexual escapades and experience - I am nothing (smile!). She told me that she is going to Italy to visit some client who paid for the ticket and everything and I felt sad that day. I was able to reason with myself that if her client is from her past (i.e., before she met me) she can continue to see them as I am not able to support her and my house at the same time.  Any new customer she wants to see (and I am sure she will) she should not accept these type of gift i.e., ovreseas trips.

For the record she cancelled her trip to Italy as we have been talking about getting married. I am meeting her family in few days when I travel again.

My wife and I went to see a Marriage Counselor. The first time I met him alone and then my wife met him alone. Now in our 3rd visit we will be going together. As I said earlier, there is no love between me and my wife except 3 beautiful kids.  I wish to end my marriage peacefully.

My wife is very disrespectful towards me. She goes where ever she wants, whenever she wants - no regard for my food or other things. Not a healthy environment really. Of course with all that happening at home, I started cheating on her regularly whenever I travelled overseas. I have a good job (but cannot support two homes). She blamed me for cheating on her and I blamed her for pushing me to cheat on her. It's a circular argument.

My real concern here is: Can I handle the Escort as my wife?  She is nice and kind and more religious than my wife. She says after marriage she will change her phone number and everything and start a new life (I trust her when she said this). Can a man handle escort knowing she had FAR MORE sexual partners then him?  

What are the 'pitfalls/dangers' of marring an escort?  

Please help.

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5 Answers

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We commensurate with you, about your Life you have led this far, which as you have described was a living hell. Twenty years is a long time to live in such hell.

So, what are your options:

Divorce, which you are actively considering could be one of them. Remember, you have 3 adorable children, who for no fault of theirs are in this mess.

Are you considering divorce, only after you met this Escort or was it there in your mind before? Is this happening on the rebound?

You need to seriously consider the stigma of sex work, the increased risk of venereal disease, and the guarantee of infidelity. One important point you have conceded is that your to-be-wife will continue seeing her clients (old and new). You have already admitted that you are a fiercely jealous person and I fail to fathom how you are going to reconcile these two facts.

It is true that not all prostitutes deal with total strangers and many have regular customers. Here you will have to consider her views on sex, fidelity, and emotional attachment. There are people who act in porn movies and are still married. So, would you treat this as infidelity? This is a subjective feeling. Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity.

An Escort’s Job is just a Profession like any other. There are Women who work in Bars, others may work as strippers, etc. Are you willing to look at it that way? You will have to make a massive shift from your narrow views that you harbor at the moment for your second marriage to be successful.

One serious consideration will have to be your Social Circle. Will they be willing to accept a Prostitute (you may not like the word) as your Wife? They will come to know at some time or you will have to live in dread of them finding out at some time or the other.  

You will have to be totally flexible in your approach. You cannot differentiate between a past sex client and a new one. Your reaction when she told you she will be going to Italy is not a good omen.

You are obviously in love. I suggest that you first get a Divorce from your wife and then start living with your new Partner, before you think of marriage again.   

answered Jun 16, 2017 by longhands1 (84,380 points)
commented Jun 28, 2017 by FitBhai (120 points)
I was considering divorce before the i met the escort lady.
She will only see clients until we get married. Not post marriage. I am not that 'open minded' - smile!
She as assured me and I believe her that post marriage she will change her phone number and start a new life.
No one in my social circle knows about her except 1-friend.  He can be silenced easily as he owes me few favors.
She didn't go and cancelled her trip to italy for me.
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The only question here is CAN YOU HANDLE HER PAST ? Other minor questions include :

1. Will your children accept her, of course you haven't told them about her or her background, did you?
2. What if they (god forbid) boycott you if you go ahead with your plan, I'm sure the kids know that your marriage is on the verge of collapse, right ?
3. How smooth can the divorce happen ? Will your wife ask for alimony, will she agree at all ?
4. What if in your circle somebody recognizes her ?
5. If you two get together, you won't throw her past on her face if you two ever argue.
6. Are you good in bed to satisfy her ?
7. You met her once and just a month chatting to her, a month is enough to decide life partner ?
8. Is there a chance of her being fraud, can this be a trap ?
9. Does her family know about her job ? There must be some age gap then won't it be a hindrance ?

Get answers to these questions and I hope all goes well for you and you enjoy a happy life in future.
answered Jun 16, 2017 by gr8gaur (2,400 points)
commented Jun 28, 2017 by FitBhai (120 points)
Good questions. thank you for your time.
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You can handle her as your wife only if you are able to accept her past and her the way she is. If you are jealous person then it is really a hard thing to be with her as your mind will never allow her to be in peace as you will keep raising the questions about her past and that would result in arguments which is a really dangerous thing for any marriage life.

You should not judge her based on her past and if you are able to do that then you can happily spend your life with her. What she was before you met her is not business and it does not predict the future. The good thing is that she wants to quit her job once she gets married to you and she showed the willingness to do it and you have a faith in her so those are good base to get married but you should never question her why she had been in that business as that would be a source of the argument.

Your future will be bright with her if you both understand each other and you both are ready to compromise to make others happy. However, if you want a divorce from your wife then make sure that your kids get good life as you do not have a right to make them suffer on your account. 

answered Jun 17, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (27,390 points)
commented Jun 28, 2017 by FitBhai (120 points)
I know for last two months that we have been 'together' she has not seen any clients.  I did ask her once or twice. I have been helping her with rent and some pocket money for daily expenses.  I think I can look past her past life.
Appreciate your advise about the kids!  God Bless you.
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You are already married and possess three kids.God is very Gracious on you.Wife contributed much for this.

Settle the issue among yourself and wife.Think about the future those three kids.Never penalize those innocent kids.Marriage Counseling is bound to yield good result.Both of you have to bear patience.We also fight and quarrel of minor issues.But we always share same bed and forgive each other.I alway drag her and she responds.

Kick out Escort from your mind. Good Days will come.
answered Jun 17, 2017 by Motilal (8,035 points)
commented Jun 28, 2017 by FitBhai (120 points)
God as my witness - Divorce is not my first choice but my wife has made it clear that she is over me.  I am seeing a marriage counselor on July 5 - lets see.
Escort lady also know about my marriage counselor appointment and she said to me if that is your first preference to patch things with your wife, i will let you go!
Thank you for your kind wishes!!  God Bless you.
0 like 0 dislike
Not sure if you are looking for a honest reply here...

but to be brutally honest, when it comes to women, you have absolutely no clue.  Your life is already screwed, as far as women are concerned, and will remain screwed , whatever decision you choose to make.

I am assuming you are in your late 40's or early 50's.  You need to act your age, at least for the sake of your kids.

Most sincere advice is, focus on your kids.  You are a fool already, just do not make it so obvious that your kids loose your respect and start despising you.
answered Jun 18, 2017 by blore.guy (460 points)
commented Jun 28, 2017 by FitBhai (120 points)

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