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My wife wants to have sex with the Masseur. What to do?

asked Jun 15, 2017 in Questions by wick007 (415 points)
edited Jun 16, 2017 by longhands1

I'm a 30 year old guy, married for 5 years, to the gal whom I loved since a long time. Post pregnancy wife has stopped sexual intimacy, which I tried to adjust to as the peiod between our sex sessions grew.

She wanted a massage session for both of us. She called a male and female masseur to our home, but only the male masseur turned up. He gave me a massage and then followed it up by giving her one too. I felt that the massage to her was a little too intimate for my comfort.

The weird thing was that I was turned on and we had rocking sex after that. I confronted her and told her I had seen the masseur's ​hands going inside her shorts. She admitted she couldn't stop his hands from wandering as his hands were amazing. She admitted that she had orgasmed when he felt her pussy through the loose shorts.

She thought that this way she could really get turned and couldn't think of anything more than another great massage session. I admitted that I too was turned on. She was surprisingly very happy. She told me the magic was due to a stranger's hand and she was too familiar to mine, hence the turn on was missing.

She went on to admit me that she had called him once more when I was at work but didn't do anything other then letting him massage her body.

I asked her directly if she was interested in doing intercourse too? She said that Iif I did not have a problem then she would love it. I said I needed time to think over it.

The guy seemed a nice guy and it looks like she really wants a change, which might actually help our non-existent sexual life. I feel like giving in to her idea.

What do you all thin I should do?

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3 Answers

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Is this a surprise to you my friend ? Well not to me at least.  

I am not the one to indulge in self flattery and nor do I claim that I have done some Ph.D on women but I'm very very proud of my instincts to be honest, they never fail me...never. Look back at your previous questions and look into what I answered to you, it has all come true like a Nostradamus prophecy.

First you said that she's not interested in sex and I said she must be having an affair. You said you're sure she's not and I still say she had an affair even if a casual one. Anyways that's not my concern and its up to you if you still believe in her loyalty. Then you said she had a massage session and masseur felt her and she did nothing to stop. I told you she will call him behind your back and she did. Now she's telling you she didn't do anything, ROFL! Then what was the need to call him without letting you know ? Absolute B.S and yes she had sex with him, what you believe is your call. Now she thinks that she can't call him again and again without you doubting on her so the best way is to go for the kill with putting  some butter on the knife so that it easily slides in. She had him once and now making it a habit with your permission is just icing on the cake.

Now the real question is you are confused, right? You are not able to decide whether you're ready for open marriage or not ? Permitting her once to have sex (it will be her second time and first in your knowledge) I bet it won't be the last time. Now my gut feeling says you're not and you are a bit upset about this whole masseur episode and whether you're ready to be a cuckold or not. Am I right or Am I right ?
answered Jun 16, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
selected Jul 2, 2017 by wick007
commented Jun 16, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
whatever you point out only adds to my own suspected intuition about wifey.
i don't doubt she loves me.. we had a love marriage but regarding sexual needs things are completely astray.. I'm not sure since a long time what she wants anymore.

regarding cuckolding.. it was never my plan and i kind of find it derogatory for myself as i always found myself a man enough.. have no sexual problems and more than ready to experiment myself.. so i never thought i might be in this situation where i might be less preferred for satisfying wifey alone.

i don't want to look like a blind guy.. i can see my wifey wants more.. although i still don't think she had an affair before this massage.. again I'm not sure about what else happened when she called the masseur alone.. i don't want to even think about it.
but i do have a theory she might have kept me longing for sex for a long time so that i might someday give in to her requirement of getting touched by another man.. seeing that she performs better with me after that..
this is only a theory.

she says she won't call the masseur had i objected the first time.. but i don't really think that was possible.. i hadn't planned the massage in the first place.. i wasn't prepared for all this.

she probably knew all this shall happen.. in the same sequence.. i don't know..
only I'm not sure what shall happen if i did let it all happen in front of me.. shall i really be turned on or shall my marriage and trust be completely destroyed?
commented Jun 16, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
Why don't you just make up your mind for once ? Open marriage or you want your wife exclusively for you , is it that difficult to decide ? You're a man enough and you love your wife. You say she loves you too even though she denies you sex, asks you to have an affair, gets turned on by a complete stranger and calls him at home in your absence, is this really love from her side ?

You're 30 something as you've mentioned here and married for 5 years. In just 5 years your wife finds this marriage boring, really ? That too when you two had love marriage ?

Well if you were open to the concept of open marriage then you won't come here or you would have happily given her permission to do whatever she wants or you would have joined some exclusive swingers club instead of having male masseur  at your home. But I guess you're not that type and all you want is normal healthy marriage without and third interference for the sake of making it spicy.

Now If I was in your place I would do these two things (in sequence mind you) to get some clarity.

1. You mentioned previously that it was your wife who thought of having massage and she was the one to book a male and a female masseur, so contact that service from where she hired him and ask them why didn't female masseur come ? Guess only the male was booked.

2. Have a clear cut talk with your wife, tell her what you think what you feel and also point out her acts and suspicious behavior till date.

I'm pointing out all these things because I feel you're a guy who just seeks a normal hubby-wife relationship and nothing else. If there is 1% chance that you think about open marriage not because your wife wants it but you want so then this discussion ends here.

As for your theory, very much believable but again it comes down to how well do you know your wife ? Love is blind but not for eternity.
commented Jun 17, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
it all started during pregnancy.. all my research indicted we could do safe sex but wifey suddenly changed completely and refused even to give a blowjob from then.. since then I'm only adjusting.. as per her needs.. trying to get as intimate as i can but it stopped working out completely.

what i fail to understand and never get an explanation for is how can sex drive of a person go completely zero from a good average of once every night..
now i know it's easy to assume she was getting it from somewhere.. but i have tried to check on her and couldn't find a hint in that direction.. until of late.. barring the sessions after that massage incident, she has ignored me completely in bed too the extent i actually started getting thoughts to stray..

coming to the point, i don't want to leave her.. we have a great rapport otherwise.. i think she led me into getting convinced to let her try out a masseur's touch.. which now might lead to full blown sex as per her wish.. and all though i totally don't want it to go that way there's no way i feel i can keep her away from it.
she can get a full body massage anywhere.. i can't possibly keep track of all this. i only get an idea that if i let her do with myself in confidence, there might be a chance our sex life might get back on track.

there's no confusion in my end, i feel now it's only wifey who is in that mode where she wants to try out something different.. and I'm also getting caught in the situation
commented Jun 18, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
Did you try to have a honest clear cut one to one talk with your wife about all the issues that you point out here? Anyways, if playing into her hands is the only chance you have then do so. I can only say one thing that your case is not an example of a healthy long lasting marriage where one partner manipulates the other. Good luck to you !
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Say her yes as you have already allowed her to have a massage from another guy and that guy gave her orgasm so let her do the rest of the work. If you think that your sex life may get better then you can allow her to have sex with other man and at the same time tell her that you have also right to have sex another woman you like as you both are talking about open marriage where both the partners have a right to have sex with other people.

There are many couples are into open marriage especially in western culture and are happy so you can also try for it. Even if you say no to her then I think she will have sex with him behind your back as she already got the massage from him otherwise your knowledge and I am sure she also had sex with him but she is denying not to upset you.

Therefore, go for the open marriage but talk to her before stepping in the open marriage that you have a right to say no if you feel uncomfortable about it later on and she needs to obey you for the sake of the marriage life. 

answered Jun 16, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (22,870 points)
commented Jun 16, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
I'm not comfortable with the idea of her actually having sex with somebody else. in fact i hate it but at times i think i might even get turned on seeing her with somebody.. hence the confusion.

i don't think i might want sex outside marriage if she gets back to the way we used to have sex earlier. but then it's she who is looking for a catalyst, not me.
you might be right that she did have sex with the masseur when he came in my absence, but i can't do much about an event i have no knowledge of. on face value she pleaded me to believe she had not had intercourse, only let him massage her privates to orgasm, something that women let happen in massage spas too.. i might just have to believe it and take it as not cheating.. i don't know.

but if i agree there's no going back.. i can see a promising sex life like before.. that's my only reason i believe
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There is a good chance that she has been screwing him prior to your 'first' meeting.

And if she is doing it so openly, in front of you , can only mean she has no respect for you , as a man.

"love marraiges" are , in most  cases, not about sexual attraction, so do not fool yourself into thinking that she is sexually attracted to you because you both have been i love for x years

And as for your question, "What do you all thin I should do?", it kind of indicates why she despises you as a man.
answered Jun 18, 2017 by blore.guy (345 points)
commented Jun 18, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
you are really trivialising the issue here man..
more like blaming me..
mebbe you don't understand the issue, in that case don't give me your perspective..

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