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There is no intimacy in my marriage. What to do?

asked Jun 1, 2017 in Questions by wick007 (415 points)
I'm a 30 year old guy and have a loving wife. I have a lovely child too. We got married after a blooming love but somewhere,  the physical intimacy got lost with my wife right from the pregnancy till now.

I hardly touch her now after a series of rejected trials of getting intimate. I try my best to chip in but nothing works. Even giving her a massage which usually used to turn her on before, when she had give in to my carnal desires has been limited to just doing the basic intercourse and moving on.

We have sex maybe once in a month or 2 and right now it's a 4 month gap. I hate it now and desperately miss those moments of intense lovemaking. She knows my situation but says she is helpless about it.

I don't know how to manage my physical needs in my otherwise great married life.

Is it the same for all new fathers out there or am I different?

i occasionally fantasize straying but in my right mind would never want to really do it
but the lack of another touch is killing me totally

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4 Answers

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Best answer

It happens with so many couples after the birth of the child as for women sex is not the priority as they have to put too much effort into kid so give her enough time to focus on the sex life. One thing is good that she is aware of your situation so with time she will start putting effort to bring back your intense sex life.

What you need to do here is keep raising your concerns and desire whenever you get a chance and you find her in a good mood but make sure that you do not accuse her for anything otherwise she would get defensive. Have a healthy conversation with her and let her know your desire but at the same time show the patience to give her time. It is the matter of the priority and nothing else.

Help her in household works, communicate with her in a healthy manner, ask her what she needs and how she feels, show your affection and patience, do not make her feel that you want sex all the time, spend quality time with her and cuddle with her, take care of the baby and play the role of responsible husband and father at the same time, do not expect too much things from her as she might not have enough energy to meet your demands. I am sure with time you both will start having sex as you used to.

I do not think it would be appropriate to blame her as her situation does not allow her to focus on the sex at this time. Every couple faces such kind of time in their married life sooner or later but that does not mean that one has to lose the hope to get better.

answered Jun 2, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (22,910 points)
selected Jun 4, 2017 by wick007
1 like 0 dislike
How old is your child ? By your question I get the feeling that its your wife who's refusing sex all the time and not you, you're the one denied of satisfaction, right ? So did you ask her what's the exact reason, why she's not feeling to be intimate with you?

Don't get offended asking me this but I'm usually blunt and likes to come straight to the point. Did it ever occurred to you that if she's having an affair? One of the immediate after effects of your spouse having an affair is refusing to get intimate with you cause they're getting it from someone else.

Again as I said, no offense but I'm just asking and this could be the reason though I hope I'm wrong.
answered Jun 1, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
commented Jun 1, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
thanks for the analysis but that's not the case.
she isn't getting it from anywhere else i would have known.
in general she has become anti sex with i have tried to understand to the extent the number of sessions has so drastically reduced now

she has refused to cooperate saying she has no energy or requirement of sex and if i do need it i can proceed with having an affair, albeit without her knowledge

that does make her look a culprit but really she isn't.

i was always a guy open to experiment and needed to get intimate every night before sleep
with that kind of requirement it's not possible for us to match up

the kid is about 2 years.. FYI
commented Jun 2, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,830 points)
'She isn't getting it from anywhere else I'd have known', I admire your confidence but again i'll reiterate my point. Its not that I'm trying to make you doubt your wife but many of the cocksure husband find it hard to believe when the skeletons gets out of the closet. Women are far better than men hiding their affairs. But if you're sure then all good and fine. Try seeing a sex specialist with your wife and consult gynaec if it helps.
commented Jun 2, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
i feel so too that we ought to meet up the specialist but unfortunately wifey doesn't. she doesn't see it as a problem only a situation where I'm being sex deprived.

my problem is also that i want a complete participation and there is a complete disregard of that from her side.
the only window i have is she has given me the permission to do whatever i want when she has slept and she is a very deep sleeper

i tried it once only, if felt very intrusive to have sex while the woman is sleeping although she hardly noticed anything and i let her know the next morning whatever i did. she encouraged me to do it like this wherever i wanted but in my head i don't feel right.. it only feels like i'm using her body which i don't.
i love a cooperative session where i'm being felt by the other person too..

i know she is in touch with her exes, i have seen the occasional messages and calls and i have stopped bothering over it as it has seemed quiet normal to me. but there's no scope of any physical cheating as our schedules are very cut to cut.
0 like 0 dislike
Try to increase her hormone levels so that she'll need sex ..try to increase her libido and estrogen ...this is just a mental physical condition she must be low on hormones
answered Jun 3, 2017 by rockstar536 (640 points)
commented Jun 4, 2017 by wick007 (415 points)
is there any medication for increasing a woman's sexual desires?
i can't do anything that seems like initiation for sex like cuddling with her as of now
commented Jun 7, 2017 by rockstar536 (640 points)
There are lots of way to do that u can search on Google to that ... Stay blessed
0 like 0 dislike
Discuss the problem in detail among your self and try to understand the reasons for her reluctance.If no solution is arrived,go for medical Counselling.Some women show lack of sex interest after child birth.This has to overcome to bring happiness in conjugal life.Never loose confidence in her.Arouse her through foreplay.Take her to cinema,picnic and tours to change her mood.
answered Jul 3, 2017 by Motilal (6,480 points)