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I have been married for 10 years and want sex daily. My wife does not.

asked Apr 16, 2017 in Questions by sguy0807 (125 points)
edited Apr 17, 2017 by longhands1

Hello All,

This is my 1st question on AA.

I am a faithful and happily married man for 9 years with 2 kids. The problem that I am facing is a bit weird. I was intoduced to the sexual world at the age of 12 and have been mastrubating since then.

At the age of 21, I got married (I know its too early) and I am happy with my wife. My wife is a normal Indian wife with less desire for sex and more towards just spending time with her (without touching her). This was good for 3-4 years.

After the birth of our 1st daughter, somehow my urge towards sex increased manifold (I think this may be because I did not have sex for 9 months and watched lots of porn during that period) and from then onwards, I want to have sex with my wife on a daily basis.

As mentioned earlier, she still has the same feeling for sex but wants to do it once a week or once in 2 weeks. I dont want to hook up with some other girl / lady for sex though I chat with random females related to sex.

I want to know if I should visit a doctor to get rid of my sexual desires or is there a way out of this? Please give me your valued Advice.

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4 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
Best answer

It sounds that you both are not on the same page as far as sexual aspect is concerned and you are not alone with such sexual incompatibility. The solution for this problem is the compromise from the both ends so you both can meet the half way where both can get what you want. She needs to put some effort to satisfy you where is you need to understand that   you cannot get the sex all the time from her as she has low sex drive which is natural.

I would say communicate with her and express your feelings to get more sex when she is in a good but make sure that you do not nag her otherwise she would get defensive and your communication would not be able to fix anything.

If she does not want vagina sex then she can give you a blowjob or hand job to satisfy your urges. If she wants sex 2 times a week and you want daily then you both can make a deal to have sex like 3-4 times a week which is a middle one. There is no need to see the doctor as you do not have any problem but natural urges to have sex which most of the men do have. Therefore, talk to her and remember, patience is the key. 

answered Apr 17, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (25,535 points)
selected Apr 26, 2017 by sguy0807
commented Apr 20, 2017 by sguy0807 (125 points)
I have communicated her and as you mentioned Patience is the key. I have been patient for almost 4 years now before posting this question :) She doesn't like giving BJ / hand job. When we have sex, we end up having only vagina sex.
0 like 0 dislike
Your expectations are already high from your wife. She is not a machine that she will do your domestic work take care of your kids and tirelessly have sex with you on daily basis. you should respect her feelings and need to have self control on yourself.
Engage yourself in some work when you feel like that, start doing exercises and will help you to control your mind and also make you healthy. Set small targets that you won't masterbate today or won't involve in any sexual stuffs today then make it to couple of this so that you can control your crave for sex everyday.
And do not consider Indian woman a "normal woman who has less desire for sex". We have 8 times higher sexual feelings then male but it's Indian society that put Indian man open to do whatever they feel like and and woman should keep her feelings bounded. Biased society. We are human beings and we also love to have sex Infact more then you. It's just we are taking care of your family your kids and in today's world with all this thing we are working as well on higher notes.
answered Apr 17, 2017 by sharmanatasha87 (905 points)
commented Apr 20, 2017 by sguy0807 (125 points)
I am nowhere understanding her as a machine else I would have just used my masculine power and fucked her whenever I want. its more about the love & caring that we share together. I don't think your answer is anywhere near to what I asked. Regarding your comment of "8 times higher sexual feelings", this is what surprises me that females have more sexual feelings than male even then I am kind of deprived :(
commented Apr 20, 2017 by sharmanatasha87 (905 points)
I am telling that your expectation is too high for a female who take care of you and your belongings. Who take care of your family..who maintains your house.
If you use masculine power over her that is an absolutely different thing...that comes under marital rape and I didn't say that you are trying to do such thing...
Just let her free for some day and don't let her get will see the change.
In India generally man works on for office and woman works all day at home and if she is working the she works for both home and office and at the end of the day she is exhausted and you can't expect such things from her.
In western countries their is a gender equality. Both works equally at home or at office and they both end up on the same energy level unlike in India.
commented Apr 21, 2017 by sguy0807 (125 points)
Now your comment makes more sense than the previous one. I understand what you say and have already tried these stuff. Things haven't changed by even 5% :(
1 like 0 dislike
The problem you seems common for many couple. As both the person's mind set are different, there will be difference in thinking  in many aspect related to sex;say
1. Time of sex (Day / night)
2. Use of contraceptive
3. liking and disliking of foreplay methods

Frequency of sex (your query) is also one of the aspect. if one of the person have  less libido / sex drive,then frequency of sex he /she want will be less. because they will feel satisfied even if they do sex only once a week-and this is totally natural.
secondly, sometimes due to tight working schedule, couple may not feel to have sex daily (or say 4-5 times a week)
Third, after some years of marriage, its common that frequency of sex between couple is normally reduces.

answering to your query, you have more sex drive or high libido and that is too natural and ok. i dont feel that you need doctor's advise. healthy communication with your wife is the key. as you want more sex, tell your wife and convey your needs.
using different sex position, foreplay techniques, watching porn films together may help in your case

It is really good that you dont want relationship with any other girl or women.

kindly provide feedback if my answer helps you.
answered Apr 17, 2017 by imunique (1,025 points)
commented Apr 20, 2017 by sguy0807 (125 points)
Have been trying all the techniques mentioned for past 4 years to improve her libido, but everything has fallen apart :(
0 like 0 dislike
Your present age is 30,you are indulged in sexual activities since age of 12 and married too early at 21.I am curious to know what was your profession when you got married.Student or a service holder.Generally sex compatibility of husband and wife does not lie at the same wave length.Both of you discuss the matter and come to an agreement,so that both of you remain satisfied.There is nothing wrong that your sex urge has increased,stop watching porn.When my wife became pregnant for the first time,she gave me pleasures of oral sex.I did solo sex twice during pregnancy period.There is no necessity to consult Doctor for decreasing your libido.Daily sex after nine years of marriage,may ruin your health.
answered Apr 18, 2017 by Motilal (7,540 points)
commented Apr 20, 2017 by sguy0807 (125 points)
I don't think I am supposed to be judged based on my question.