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How to: Attend Your First Sex Party

asked Mar 15, 2017 in Articles by longhands1 (78,045 points)
edited Mar 30, 2017 by longhands1

How to Attend Your First Sex Party

So you’ve been invited to your first sex party. Whether it was through a very well-connected new friend or by random luck, you have the opportunity to attend something most people only fantasize about.

We’re sure you’re excited but we’re willing to bet you’re also just a little bit nervous. In fact, getting the invitation might seem like it was the easy part compared to anxiety about how to conduct yourself. Since sex party etiquette isn’t common knowledge, we got some important tips to know before you attend such a Party.

Look Sexy

It’s inarguable that confidence is sexy, and while you might feel like your confidence will be in short supply once you enter a room full of sexy people, we offer another truth: you can fake it ‘til you make it. Looking sexy will make you feel more confident than you may actually be, so go ahead and find yourself an outfit that will make you look and feel amazing, no matter how many layers of it you may actually have on.

Unsure what kind of sexy you should shoot for? It can be hard, we know. You don’t want to show up in leather and fishnets to find everyone in 1920’s inspired silk and feathers. The best policy when attending any event, sex-themed or not, is to just ask the host what the dress code is. Guaranteed, you won’t be the only person asking.

Also, make sure to confirm with the host that there will be a place to change. Most won’t expect you to show up in outfit, and makes sure you won’t run into any embarrassing situations on the way there.

Learn the Rules

While you’re contacting the host, you should also be asking them for the rules of the party. While many might picture a sex party to be a free-for-all, any event worth attending will have some clear guidelines for behavior.

They’ll vary from party to party, but most will require that you only engage in safe sex, and often men will be prohibited from initiating contact with women. However, if you’re a woman, that doesn’t mean you don’t need to brush up on your consent-knowledge. Whether you’re looking to play with men or women, you can’t assume that someone’s presence at a sexy party means they are willing to do everything with anyone. Some people might be attending with a partner with whom they are only allowed to do things together, or might only be allowed to watch. Or maybe they just plain aren’t interested in what you’re suggesting.

A ‘no,’ or even an uncomfortable reciprocation, means you should smile, say ‘I understand’ and move along to someone else. Behaving with anything less than class in this situation is a good way to get blackballed from future events.

Set Your Boundaries (But Open Your Mind)

Just because you’re being mindful of other people’s boundaries doesn’t mean you should forget about your own. While you are probably already going to be operating somewhat out of your comfort zone (which can be a good thing) that doesn’t mean you have to go along with anything that’s suggested.

Have a clear idea of the following: what you want to experience, what you would be ok with experiencing, and what you definitely don’t want to experience. Your aspirations for pleasure should be most important (within reason) and if the crowd is a good one, people will be respectful of your hard no’s. That being said, this is a perfect opportunity to try something new, so be prepared to let yourself relax certain boundaries if you become more comfortable.

Get Talking

Now, while it’s very important to communicate those desires and limits to the other guests, we actually just mean regular conversation making. You’re at a party with a group of sexually open people who probably are pretty interesting in general. You’ll never know when you’ll meet someone you’re genuinely interested in getting to know, unless you’re willing to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Even if they aren’t terribly interesting people (and not everyone who goes to an orgy is) it can help break the ice to just treat it as a regular party. Chat, mingle, work the room; if you’re looking to get another invitation, making an impression will help.

Calm Down

Now, this seems easier said than done, but something to keep in mind is that any kind of party can make some people anxious, but a lot of those same people find that once they jump in with both feet, they end up having a good time.

Whether you generally find yourself anxious in new social situations, or it’s the preconceived notion that everyone at this party will be a beautiful sex nymph, remember that there are other people who are going to be just as nervous as you are. Sure, some people might have a snobbier ‘oh, this is only your first time?’ attitude, but those aren’t the kind of people you want to get involved with at any organized activity.

The best people at a sexy party, or any party, are welcoming and willing to have a chat and a laugh. By presenting a relaxed demeanor, you’ll put other people at ease and make them want to be around you, whether it’s their first time or their 50th.


We hope these tips have assuaged some of your nerves, but we know even the best sex advice won’t totally prepare you for your first sex party. Hey, that’s part of the excitement surrounding new experience! Just remember that everyone is going to be a bit nervous, but everyone is also just looking to have a good time, so relax and enjoy yourself!

Here are some of the Questions that will come to your Mind. We have the answers.

What Type of People Go to Sex Parties?

It is a mixed bag of driven and successful people looking for that hedonistic experience. We see all types from city workers to models to advertising execs, and schoolteachers. They all share a similar mentality: that life is to be enjoyed and experienced! It’s definitely not just ‘posh people’ as the media makes out.

How Should I Broach the Topic with my Partner?

‘Babe, do you fancy joining a sex party?’ is a bold question. So go in softly.
Suggest doing something naughty together but just as voyeurs with no pressure to get involved. Try ‘let’s just go and see what its all about, we can always leave whenever we want’ instead. Until you put yourselves in the middle of a party you will never know how you will react and whether you can really handle it. Some fantasies are best left in the imagination.

What do We Need to Bring to a Sex Party?

Wear good lingerie because you never know how you will feel when you get there. A lot of people turn up thinking they won’t get involved – then they’re naked in the Jacuzzi having their first experience. Other than that, just bring yourselves, a mask and an open mind.

Are We Expected to Join in & Get Naked as Soon as We Arrive?

There is no pressure to get naked, get involved or do anything you don’t want to do. Many of the male-led sex parties out there expect the girls to strip down to their lingerie on arrival but many events are very much the opposite. You can stay in your masks and dresses for the entire night if you wish and simply soak up the atmosphere. The bottom line is that the events are actually really fun parties and not all about the sex.

What can We Expect Upon Arrival?

Events kick off with a fizz or cocktail reception, often with oysters too, and to keep things exciting everyone is expected to wear masks upon arrival.  For the first few hours it’s very much a private drinks event: imagine walking into a stylish private house party full of guests in sexy cocktail dress and masks.

What is the Etiquette During the Party?

There are strict rules that set apart each Party. Mostly it is very much about women being completely in control, to be in charge of their sexuality and to go as far as they want without any pressure from the men.  So the main rule is that men are not allowed to approach girls they don’t know – they must wait for the girls to do the approaching.

If you are in a couple and like the look of other couples or single girls, then it’s up to the girl to do the approaching. After that, it’s just like any bar scenario: you don’t know how they will react. Finally, if there is action going on you can’t just dive in – you must wait to be invited in.  No-one likes an over-enthusiastic and uninvited penis diving into the mix.

Are There any Other Rules we Should Know About?

No means no. Many Parties do not allow phones. Events are secret and most want to take you out of that world.

How do you Ensure Safer Sex?

Organisers provide bowls and bowls of condoms. After that it’s down to consenting adults. They also have STI and sexual health Clinics that sponsor these events.

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