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How to forget my wife's Affair that she had in the past?

asked Nov 29, 2016 in Questions by pmayank1941 (120 points)
edited Nov 29, 2016 by longhands1


My wife had an incest affair with one of her old age family member, couple of years before. She has 2 kids from that person. I have already forgiven her since she asked for forgiveness and I thought about children also but I want to ask couple of questions…

(It was an emotional affair + revenge issue anyhow we don't won't to go that deep since it's all past)
1.) Why it’s so hard to delete those memories like she slept with other person, she enjoyed oral sex, she had really good unprotected sex etc.

2.) Why it’s so hard to digest the “Thinking of Pleasure” for man especially whenever their girlfriend or wife have affairs because the first thing that comes to our mind is she was having sex with other person and sex means everything.

3.) Why do we start comparing the sex that she had earlier? Would she have enjoyed it really good with that person during the affair then our whole normal routine life time?

4.) What makes women go this much wild even though they know that it’s the short term enjoyment route and there is nothing but pain afterwards?

5.) How do we compare the regular same age affairs Vs Old- young incest affairs ?

I don’t want to know about the moral aspect but want to know the science behind these scenarios.

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2 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
there's only two things you really need to get your head around, or it will destroy your marriage if you can't.

What she did before she got married to you is completely irrelevant. The fact is, you are married to her, and you're bringing up two children. If her older relative was the father of the children, it makes no difference. Those children still look at you as being daddy, and that is the only thing that is really important.

No matter how much you want to, you cannot change the things I have already taken place. The kind of sex acts that she performed irrelevant, and all that you do by thinking about these things is to keep going back  to a pass that existed before you and your wife were together. That is a totally unfair attitude to take. What were you doing before you met her? Does she constantly question you about your past?

As for the age of her past lover, what difference do you think that makes? He probably was much more experienced, at a time when she was very young, and probably quite naive. If anything, you have probably benefited from the experiences she gained in having sex with an older relative. It's probably nothing to do with whether she prefers an older man are not, it is more likely that the special excitement of doing something that society considers to be bad added an extra pinch of spice, gave an extra thrill. When we are young, we are often tempted to do things that we know are going against mainstream society's views, and it was probably this that tempted your wife.

If she is a good wife to you, appreciate the fact, and stop thinking about things which were nothing to do with you. If she is not a good wife, then try and sort out your problems with her, and if you can't, then the two of you should get divorced, and then you would both be happier people. But all this dwelling on the past, a past that has nothing to do with you, well, you are just finding reasons to be dissatisfied, and that is a self-destructive and marriage destructive path to follow.

answered Nov 29, 2016 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
commented Nov 29, 2016 by gr8gaur (1,955 points)
For how long you're married ? Did all this happened after marriage ? Not one but two kids from her adultery and you still forgave her ? I bet she's still cheating on you and you might get to know after the 3rd.

                                   As for your questions, the man who's been cheated on feels like emasculated. He thinks that because he wasn't sufficient his wife strayed. He thinks his tool isn't good enough, he assumes that the guy with whom his wife cheated is a well hung and pictures his wife in bed with that person. 'Was he better than me ?' is the most painful question going on in his head, totally ego crushing.

                      For some males, its a turn on for them. When they catch their wife cheating, they want to listen to details of their wife's escapades cause it turns them on. Officialy known as CUCKOLD.
1 like 0 dislike

I do not believe there is a science behind her affair so do not look for a scientific reason. You are unable to digest the fact that she had sex in the past even after you forgave her because you have not forgotten her completely so the moment you forgive her completely her past will not disturb you anymore. You should not analyze her past too much as it is no more important for you and for her as well.

Everyone does mistake and has bad past but that does not mean that one cannot become a good person in the future. If she feels sorry and regrets her past then it means that she does not appreciate her past and would like to move on so you should help her to move on.

This is part of her life and you should accept it as that is the only way to move on. You have asked so many questions but I do not think these are related questions to answer so what you need to do is, just move on. Look for other good qualities in her and try to be happy with her. It will take some time but if you really put your effort into it then you can move on. Therapy is always there for you to help so take the help of the expert to move on fast. 

answered Dec 1, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (24,005 points)
commented Dec 1, 2016 by pmayank1941 (120 points)
edited Dec 1, 2016 by pmayank1941
Thanks for answer.

It's not about forgiveness because I have already forgiven her. We all have to move on at some point all I wanted to know is why do people does such kind of things. When you love the person than you don't feel that emptiness which drives you towards affairs and that's the reason I had ask those questions.

According to Salma, YES you are right that this is all past and if you were in my place then you wouldn't have forgive because it's not everybodys cup of tea. This happened immediately after the marriage and the power of affair was more powerfull then love. Remember it's not that easy for Indian married woman to go for incest affair with old age. I don't want to go that deep but anyhow thanks for your answers.
commented Dec 1, 2016 by gr8gaur (1,955 points)
Must say that you've got quite a big heart to accept two kids who are not yours.

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