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Dilemma due to Abstinence from Sex

asked Mar 3, 2016 in Discussions by kunalj35 (120 points)
edited Mar 3, 2016 by prashant69
Hello, I wish to share my dilemma and invite advice from members to help me overcome my problem.

      I am 36 years married man residing in Maharashtra. I am married for  6 years. I love and care for my wife. She is a very lovely woman. However when it comes to my sexual life, it’s entirely a different story. I don’t enjoy making love to her. We have sex once or twice a month but it’s like I have to fake the whole act in order to please her. I am unable to attain orgasm as I am not attracted to her. I have to rely on self pleasure to relieve myself. The problem is that, I am not attracted to younger women at all. I am only attracted to Older Matured women who are between the age   of 40 and 60 years. I confided in my wife and told her about my situation. Taking her advise we both consulted with a Sexologist who informed us of a condition similar to Gerontophilia, in which a person is sexually attracted to Older matured, aged persons. The doctors only advice was to stop imagining older women and refrain from masturbation in order to improve my sexual experience with my wife. I honestly tried that but it did not in any way helped . I was sexually frustrated and hated myself for my unlucky situation. I also feel guilty sometimes. However I know the reason for my situation which I would like to share with the readers.

         In my past I had sexual relationship with older women who were close to me. I would not like to discuss the details of how it went as the women involved were close members of my family. One  of them was an older house maid who lived in our home for as long as I can remember. We used to call her Mausi. The other was my widowed Aunt. I was very young when it all started. Our house maid who lived with us developed attraction towards me and I don’t wish to explain how we got into a sexual relationship, but we did. It continued over months as we secretly committed the ill-fated acts during nights or when we were home alone. We had an extended family and we owned two floors of a building. My Aunt used to live with my grandparents while I lived upstairs with my parents. Both my parents were working, hence it was easy to find privacy in either of the two flats. My Aunt somehow got suspicious of us  and began to keep a close eye on the two of us.  On One ill-fated day she walked in on us and found us in a comprising situation. The maid left the house immediately after the incidence. I was down with shame as my Aunt scolded me. I was so tense about my parents coming to know  this, that I contracted a high fever the same evening and collapsed under the tension. I can’t explain how embarrassing it was. My Aunt after getting concerned of my state of health, decided to keep quiet about the whole issue. After about a week my Aunt spoke to me about the entire incident and I had to tell her everything. I was very embarrassed and did everything to avoid my aunt thereafter. After about few more days things seemed to get back to normal. But this isn’t how it all ended.

       My Aunt got curious about the whole thing. It was understandable as she was widowed after just two years of marriage. We somehow grew close and one day out of sheer desperation my Aunt made a very strange request to me. We made love that afternoon. It was something I can’t explain. We developed a liking towards each other and fell in love. This was a time of my life that I can never forget. We both knew we were wrong in our actions, but we both couldn’t help it. We had this relation going for 7 years after which my Aunt decided to end it for my own good. I wouldn’t call it just lust and sex. We were actually in love and attracted to each other. We both admitted that one day. I never experienced those moments again in my sexual life. I love my wife and definitely care for her but I am unable to experience any satisfaction as far as my sexual life is concerned. My wife seems to be content with her sexual experience, so I continue to act as if nothing is wrong. I don't bring up my topic as it makes her feel sad every time. I continue to pretend and perform the act while making love to my wife. Its been over 6 years now. I feel incomplete, depressed and unsatisfied. It is affecting my work. I am not looking for love as I have it from my wife. I am looking ahead to be with someone mature with whom I can experience the same moments of ecstasy as I did with my Aunt. I have never visited brothels or prostitutes or call girls, as I am too scared and paranoid about contracting any diseases. But I don’t know what to do? I want to meet some older mature woman and build a regular physical relationship in order to attain sexual satisfaction some how. I am desperate and frustrated with my condition. I tried doctors and therapy but that hasn’t helped me in any way. I am not getting any younger with time. I don’t want to be in this situation and I want relief. If any can help me attain a solution to my problem then I am ready to try out anything. Your advise would be appreciated.

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3 Answers

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Kunall35, I  feel I can perfectly understand your problem. Thing is you want to remain in the past. Your nature seems to me as nostalgic. You yearn to reexperience what you have experienced in the past.

   And what you experienced in past was thrilling, adventurous , taboo kind of sex. Every time you had sex then it was a challange to you. And just bellow the eyes of the family members you were having a quickies or sex. And you were experiencing a cheating pleasure. And now when you proceed to have sex with your wife, this being a legal, legitimate sex, obviously you do not feel cheating.tabbo pleasure doing it. Its no more or neverwas a challenge for  you. So you find it bland. 

    Solution is fantasizing while having sex with your wife  that you are with any of your ex women or any other woman you are fond of. Definitely this will improve your performance. And mind well its yours  illusion that you are attracted only towards matured women . No you are attracted towards illegitimate , taboo, cheating kind of sex. By any luck if you ever have an opportunity to have such cheating, illegitimate sex, irrespective of the woman/s age you will definitely enjoy it to fullest. Best of luck to you to get such golden opprtunity soon. 

answered Mar 3, 2016 by prashant69 (7,210 points)
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Doctors, therapy or anyone cannot help you unless you start working on yourself. It is not a physical problem, you are experiencing but it is the longing you wish to complete anyhow, which is now impossible.

Does your wife deserve what you are giving her? I suppose no, you have no right to make her suffer on your account. Few things you need to try out, first stop comparing your wife with others two your sexual partner of the past as you are comparing her with two different persons in two different situations, which is very unfair from your part.

Second, stop expecting same kind of pleasure from your wife, which you had been getting from older women. Let me tell you my experience, I recently got married to a beautiful girl and she is all the way perfect to have sex.

She allows me to fulfill my all the fantasies, give me a blowjob whenever I want, she is ready to have sex in any position I like but I if I compare her to my girlfriend of college time then I am not getting sexual pleasure.

However, my girlfriend was not giving me blowjob, very rigid when came to experience new position but I still think she was the best for me and without any reason that means it is all in my mind not in reality but that does not mean that I should be unfair to my wife who loves me a lot.

I accepted my life and my wife completely and stopped craving to get same pleasure, which I got with my girlfriend from my wife. Therefore, accept the fact that you could not go back in the past and get what you want.

Even if you now have a chance to have sex with your aunt I do not think you will be able to enjoy her sexually as if you did. Move on and focus on present life, stop trying to see anyone as you do not have any problem just stop expecting same pleasure from your wife, treat her as an individual. 

answered Mar 4, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (27,435 points)
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Hi dear everyone different here and with different perception now come to your question. I have some query about your wife figure according to your profile you are 35years and I guess your wife will be around 30 and you belongs to Maharashtra hope your wife will be definitely figure concess. Your past experiences with aunty and maussi, they have bulky figure and your desire fucking hard and hardest which you missing badly and not getting hard erection. I advice you to talk your wife what you really likes during sessions. If your wife will support then only you overcomes your problem make her ready to hard bang convince to her gain some weight.
answered Mar 4, 2016 by kingmyaqueen (2,385 points)

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