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How can i find someone to share my feelings?Feel nervous,down!

asked Jan 29, 2016 in Questions by onlyjay (120 points)
edited Jan 29, 2016 by prashant69
I am Jay 26 male from Gujarat and suffering from a  depression asis evident  from some online test I carried out  on sites, I have almost everything a young boy can have  @ 75 Facebook friends and 4 family members, but  still no one to talk to share my feekings ,  I have tasted failure for 7 years now .In every field, every exam I reach to final stage and like fail  in the end. now i have exams next month and I am trying to prepare at my best ,but these  days I am going through loneliness, I cant sleep at night as I keep thinking of how much  have left to read to complete my exam portion, but when I sit to read I just can't  concentrateI am not able to focus why? And why I have no one to talk to about this? Is this due to my age and do I need to loose  my  virginity? is there any correlation  between focusing, reading and I did  have many chances in my college days but  Iwas immature to handle girls and not took advantage. Still I think I care more about feelings, is that wrong? What should I do and how do I find someone to talk about this? I tried more then 15 chat sites and all are flooded ........even chatting sites have no place for me.....I need to pass my exams  next month and.  i m pretty Confident that if. Can focus I  surely will  get through......please help how to overcome this????

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4 Answers

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It is definitely true that having a partner who loves you and having sex with her definitely improves your self esteem.. At least in my case it's true. I was like you when I had just completed my studies and went for job as freshman only 4 years college love left me and migrated to US ( in the hindsight  I must be drunk to believe her that she actually loved me..) I was working for 8000 Rs a month.. No money no honey, no car, not even enough money to go and booze in decent place. Girls came girls went.. Except one.. Trust me, I have been in rough patch.. Very lonely.. And very dejected. So, I can definitely relate to you..

But the point is, first step to be successful in a relationship with others is to be successful with your own self. Be comfortable in your own company. If u can't listen to yourself, how can you expect others to listen to you ?  Success will come. Key is to not get disheartened. Be very practical and use head over heart in making decisions.  Dream with heart, but think with head.  Spend at least one hour a day alone and quiet.. Close your eyes and reflect your life. without getting carried away by emotions.. See,  till where you have come and mistakes and ways to correct them..  Lesson is not learn in schools my man.  It's learnt in life. Slowly but steadily you will improve.  
Improve your personality and wisdom.. Engage in things you like to do.  Work out, play hard, Any hobbies ,? Do it seriously. Don't give yourself any spare time to crib.

Girls, relations will happen to all.. Don't be desperate. Keep working towards goal while keepinh your eyes open for finding partner.  Remember! There are never desperate situations, but only desperate people.
Good luck ! I know you will do well.
answered Jan 29, 2016 by WhiteKnight (185 points)
commented Jan 30, 2016 by onlyjay (120 points)
Thank you sir for trying help me but seems there is some misunderstanding, my issue is not girls sex or virginity that was only a doubt.... I git proposes from several girls but i am not one night stand type, Whereas first part of your answer was helpful, but sir real question is I know I have to work hard and focus on studies then why am I feeling lonely and why I have no one to talk, why such a pity situation for me........
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I have have depression and from my own experience i have to say the following.
Do not go to a psychitrist immediately instead foloow what i find effective to me,
1- to start with you go for long walks on a daily basis, you must sweat by walking three or four kms daily. you must feel the body warmed up with sweating.
2- then start doing physical execises daily, again you must sweat. rigorous execises will help. you start doing simple exercises at first.
3- join a health club or gym.
4- eating bananas and eating ground nuts help. all nuts useful. bcomplex capsules also help. fish oil with omega3 helps. but all thses should be along with physical exercises. it is the best antidote for depression. i can say from my experience that , it is the only antidote.
5- in my case going to a psychitrist worsened the situation. it is vry difficult to get out of such medicines. ven now one psychitrist i see, say not to take any tabs as the side effects are very bad.
6- so my earnest request is that you follow the tips above, especially EXERCISES, and see the results in a short time.
- ayurvedic medicines with " brahmi' and " aswagandha"( NOT BRAND NAME) is very useful.
7- if needed consult an Ayurvedic doctor.
i want to tell you one more thing- without physical activity/ physical exercise it is almost impossible to beat depression. and if you take psychitric medicines you will not be able to exercise due to side effects.
do not take alcohol. it will give more depression. do not smoke also.
8- breathing exercise like Pranayama is very helpful.
9- get a friends help  if necessary to start on the course of actions suggested above.
 i have gone throgh this and at times still i have this depression but i manage with the above methods effecively.
good will get over it . start now with a long walk in the early morning sun light
answered Jan 30, 2016 by sumitran9 (1,610 points)
commented Jan 30, 2016 by onlyjay (120 points)
Your are a nice guy sir, trying to help someone is really good thing, I respect and admire your efforts....thank you
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Jay,Remember everyone, once in a while goes through the phase through which you are passing presently. Nothing interests you,no one shows any interest in you . If you do not talk with anyone, no one cares to talk with you. No one shares your pains, defeats,wounds,misery.

    Someone very correctly have said in another  answer that if you can not tolerate your own company,how can you expect the others should enjoy your company?

   So first of all try to enjoy being  with yourself .Think and retrospect , What mistakes, errors you committed in the past that made you sad and make a resolution with yourself that you never will commit such silly,stupid mistakes again .

  And enjoy your company means not taking to drinking or starting smoking or trying to seduce any woman/girl. Do it in a positive way! Try to learn good things. The one advertisement which i always remember goes like this'What was the last time you did something for the first time!'(it was an advt of major infotainment TV channel) Our life is so cyclic, predictable, routine that we do not even try to have vision beyond iminant  immediate future.Rather if you will do or try to learn to do the things you know you will  enjoy, it will reduce your pains and misery . I am 46 now and i too was going through a phase like you are when i was of your age . No one to talk to and was living in a bachlor pad. Just today while i was going through my stuff i found a diary in which i used to write something daily in those days. What is  not there ?

  Apart from day to day happenings datewise there are good quotes which i came across, then there were some paragraphs from the books i have read and poems and songs among other things.(Now its fun to find the rates of the things, like a minimum fare of a local train in Mumbai in those good old days)  

  and my own poems, planning and expectations from future , have written about the persons who are almost forgotten now  and hardly i can recall some of them vaguely . The persons whom we think are ours are felt so remote and aloof that its hard to believe that once they were inseperable from us! This is only one example. On these lines you can do things like reading, excercising, writing. Even reading any newspaper completely would keep you occupied for good part of time . Learn to enjoy life the way it is and as  it comes to you. Try to make your future but while making it never forget to enjoy the present. 

  Thanks for reading this rather  long answer .


answered Jan 30, 2016 by prashant69 (7,040 points)
edited Jan 30, 2016 by prashant69
commented Jan 30, 2016 by onlyjay (120 points)
Thank you sir, I really loved reading your answer didn't found long, you have exactly narrated in first part the situation I am going through and thanks for matured advice, I am thankful to you and this site really have some good users, good human beings, again thank you sir, some of things I have already tried from ur answer, while let me try some other............
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I'll suggest you to keep yourself young by mind and body. Meet new peoples. Make new friends. Go to park. Even you can tease some girls if you like as we young boys do. Don't feel like an old man. Just be the Amitabh Bachhan of 'Budhaa Hoga Tera Baap'.
I also hate getting old.
Best of luck
answered Jan 31, 2016 by Noni (1,360 points)
commented Feb 1, 2016 by onlyjay (120 points)
Thanks noni...

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