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Wife v/s Girlfriend. How do I handle both?

asked Jan 8, 2016 in Questions by feelalone (125 points)
edited Jan 8, 2016 by longhands1


My name is Sanjay and I am 26 years old, married leading a perfect life before but now its starting to get complicated and stressed and actually this is the first time I am asking for a soluton.

Let me tell you a little about myself. My girlfriend belongs to different sect, same religion. Before my marriage, I was in love with her and she was also my best friend. We used to kiss a lot and I have done naughty things on her boobs but we never had sexual intercourse, though she gave me green signal but still I did not because, I was planning to marry her and I did not want to ruin the surprises. Her mom is very much against inter-caste marriages, and my girlfriend loves her mom a lot and she will do anything for her.

Her mom started searching for a groom. I tried a lot to convince her mother but she used to become furious and my girlfriend made a suicide attempt but she was saved by her brother and her parents were very much depressed and her brother told me a sentimental line "Please dont take her away from us"......I was against this but I consoled her that whatever happens it is FAMILY COMES FIRST and this also applies to ME and now she is married and happily leading her life.

Now my side of the picture. I love my wife a lot and she also loves me a lot. I love the way she melts in my hands during foreplay or sex.

Now the real problem arises on meeting my girlfriend. We used to meet once a month and whenever, I mention my meetings to my wife, I can see the sudden change in her behavior, so I lied to her that 3 more friends join us. Then she will become normal. We do not do any funny business when we meet in the malls. We just hangout eating in KFC or Mcdowells or Dominos or playing games , and sometimes she holds my hand and drags me to show me something but its just casual not at all physical.

Now, it has become more complicated as my girlfriend wants to meet me once a week and she has confessed to her husband about me kissing her in the past. This led to quarrels among them because of me.

I am worried to think what my wife or anyone or her husband catches us (not that we are doing anything wrong). I am sure it will create a lot of questions in their mind or misunderstandings.

I cannot leave my wife but I cannot leave my ex girlfriend too as she shares everything only with me. I am a decent normal guy and my girlfriend is a shameless naughty girl only with me. We both trust our families and our relationship. We are also loyal to our partners.

I dont know what to do. I heard this site helped a lot of people so I thought may be I will get some solutions here. Waiting for your replies.

Thanks in advance.

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2 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
Best answer
Dude first of all its McDonalds and not McDowell's! McDonalds is a food outlet and McDowell's is the name of a liquor label!!

That apart, coming to your query, leave your ex-gf, best friend or whatever she is as soon as possible because I can see she is heading into that mud where the swines roll and is dragging you in it too!

Dude you say she loves you a lot! Okay fine! Agreed! You too must be caring for her the same way! And then you say she has confessed to her husband that she had kissed you quite a few times to which her husband got angry in response! Now just imagine, you are the husband and your wife is telling you that she had kissed her ex lover in the past! Agreed past is past! But what will your stand be if she says that she wants to meet her ex lover more often!!!

Butter when kept near heat, it melts! You say there is nothing physicality involved, agreed, but then it would take no time for you too give in to her! If you both weren't married then it was fine but now you both have your respective better and bitter half's, cheating those innocent people who are loyal to you is not done!

Explain her this! Rest the decision is yours!
Whatever decision you take, just be wise!

Take care! God bless you!
answered Jan 8, 2016 by confusioninmind (1,430 points)
selected Jan 9, 2016 by feelalone
0 like 0 dislike
I don't know what exactly you want from this site.
Are you asking the members here on how to effectively maintain two relationships at the same time ??
Or are you here just to prove to yourself that you have to choose either your wife or your girlfriend over the other??

I need to ask you some questions and just think about the answers to those questions. You might feel offended, you might feel angry, but unfortunately the truth can hurt and that's why it's called "the ugly truth".
1) why did you marry your wife while still being infatuated with another woman ?? (Please do not blame your family)
2) was your wife the rebound ??
3) why are you meeting the girlfriend even after your wife disapproved ?? Are you just trying to sabotage your marriage and get close with this girl ??
4) you don't care about your girlfriend's husband's disapproval too. So are you okay with her sabotaging her marriage too ??
5) what is your end game ?? Have you both talked about on where you draw the line in your relationship ??

You are saying that if your partners found out about your meeting, misunderstandings can crop out. Of course it will crop out, how will you feel if your wife( who had sexual history with her ex boyfriend ) is still meeting that ex boyfriend once a week??

I do not care much about morals and you can romp with anyone and everyone, but have the minimum human dignity and respect to tell the person that you married the truth. Your wife, if nothing else atleast deserves that much.

Because your wife disapproves of your clandestine meetings, you have two options. Convince your wife that your girlfriend is just a friend or choose one of them.
answered Jan 9, 2016 by Drdrip09 (2,815 points)

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