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Is it true that a woman can have sex even if she is not excited?

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asked Nov 4, 2015 in Questions by blueblood (120 points)
edited Nov 5, 2015 by longhands1

I love a married woman and she too loves me lot. She can't divorce her husband because of her children. I can't tolerate that she has sex with her husband. She says she avoids him but when her husband forces and fights with her for not having sex, then she has to have sex.

She says she only loves me and also enjoys sex with me and not with her husband. She says she is like a dead body when she is having sex with him and that she just fakes enjoyment with her husband. She feels guilty.

Is she telling me the truth? Can I believe her? I just want to know whether a woman feels nothing in sex when she is not interested or is forced into sex?

Please answer honestly.

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2 Answers

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Yes, there are pretty fair  chances that she does  not feels  anything with her husband if she is  being forced to have sex because for most  women sex is not just a  physical activity unlike us  men. However, it is very unfair on your part  for  being  unhappy if she has sex with her husband as her husband has a legitimate  right to have sex with her.

You need to understand that her family is her first priority , hence do not get  emotionally involved  with  her, as this relationship has no future in long run. When and if  her husband catches both of  you  red handed she will have no explanation to present to him and she would definitely try to  shift all blame on you for the sake of her marriage.

Therefore, my simple advice would be  just enjoy sex with her as long as it lasts   and do not pressurize  her to leave her family as it would not be possible for her. Keep yourself in her place and think, can she be able to leave her family? If you are man of principle then leave her, find a suitable partner, and settle down with this new found g/f of yours
answered Nov 5, 2015 by alpesh kapdi (22,910 points)
edited Nov 5, 2015 by prashant69
0 like 0 dislike

To answer your question: Yes, it's very possible for a woman to have sex without being excited. She may find it uncomfortable if she is not sexually aroused, because she is unlikely to be well lubricated inside. In such a situation, she is merely a passive receptacle for the man's erect penis. In the worst case scenario, a woman who is not consenting to sex, yet is having sex, is actually being raped. I'm not saying that this lady's husband is actually raping her, but she may be allowing him to have sex, just for a quiet life. Perhaps she is tired of arguing with him about his sexual demands, and just lays back and lets him get on with it, rather than putting up any kind of resistance. Under such circumstances, she may get no sexual arousal, and no satisfaction from what he's doing.As I understand it, the Indian penal code does not accept that a husband can rape his wife. He can be charged with the lesser crime of sexual assault, but he cannot be charged with rape for forcing his wife to have sex, no matter how violent it may be. To anyone else reading this: If that situation has been amended in the Indian penal code, please inform all of us.

Is this married woman telling you the truth? I have no way of knowing how genuine your relationship with this lady is, so I can't presume to tell you whether she's being honest with you are not, but it could be that she is enjoying having sex with both you and her husband. Some people, both men and women, just enjoy sex so much that a single partner is insufficient for their sexual needs. How many times have we seen questions on this forum from men or women trying to justify having an affair? Or seeking advice about threesomes, foursomes, or more sums, for their sexual gratification? I don't know actual figure, but there must be thousands of entries, all of a similar theme.

This lady may be unhappy in her marriage, and you have come along at a time when she is seeking something to fulfil her life. Perhaps she was never happy to be married to this guy in the 1st place. It's one of my major arguments afainst arranged marriages. How many couples out there have been put together by either avaricious, social climbing, status obsessed, or even well-meaning parents, who never took into consideration that either the man or the woman may not have wanted to get married? Under such circumstances, many couples learn to get on with it, and make the best of their, less than ideal, situation, but some couples never do settle down, with either one or the other, or sometimes both, being very unhappy, and seeking solace in the arms of somebody else. Again, when it comes to questions on this website, how many times have we read of a girl who is forced to give up her boyfriend, because her parents have planned to marry her to somebody else, or a boy who has to give up his girlfriend in the same circumstances? These things happen so frequently, and is it any surprise when some of these marriages go off the rails?

You know your lady friend better than we do, so if she tells you that sex with her husband is something she just has to put up with, accept that this is the situation she has to live with. If I were in her situation, I would want a divorce. I can't imagine that their marital home is very happy, and I don't think that the children really benefit much in an unhappy environment. Surely it is better to be with one parent who is happy, than two parents who are miserable.

If she was free, would you marry her? Would you be prepared to take on her children as a stepfather? Or are you just staying with her because you enjoy having sex with her? These are questions that you must ask yourself honestly. You tell us in your post that you love the lady, and if this is true, surely you can offer her an alternative to her present unhappy situation. On the other hand, if the love you talk about is in reality, the love of having sex with her, then really, you are just a player, and you would be better off finding a young lady who is unattached.

Salma

answered Nov 5, 2015 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
commented Nov 6, 2015 by blueblood (120 points)
Thank you Salma for your suggestions.... I tell you I really love not only for sex ,I'm ready to marry her and ill take care of her children as own father...swear to God, but she says if she divorsed her husband she won't get both kids...court not allows for that...I know she really loves me but it makes me surprise how she loves me and tolerate sex with her husband.. How is this possible for her, she says if i get marry she can't tolerate that !she always says 'my husband should die ,then i will get you añd also my children ’...I don't know what to do..my head fucked off...
commented Nov 6, 2015 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
Has your lady friend talked to a solicitor? Or a lawyer (I don't know whether you have solicitors in India)? I'm also not sure about divorce proceedings in India. You have to bear in mind that although I am of Asian ancestry, I was born and raised in England, and therefore, I'm very familiar with English law, but I can't really speak with any great knowledge of Indian law. Certainly in the UK, custody of the children is invariably awarded to the mother. Regardless of who is the guilty party in trials for infidelity, the mother invariably has custody of the children, because it is felt by the courts that the children need their mother more than they need a father. In most circumstances, the father will be given visitation rights, and reasonable access to the children, but they will remain with the mother, and if there is property involved, she will invariably be awarded that as well, as it provides a stable environment for the kids. Whether this is the case in India, which doesn't seem to regard the mother's rights, or the rights of the children, as of paramount importance (although I am aware that I might be totally incorrect in making this comment), I have my doubts.

Saying that you are ready to become a father to the children isn't the same thing as the children accepting you as a surrogate father. If the children are really small, chances are, they would soon accept you as a kind of father, without much problem. However, once children get beyond about 5 or 6,they often resent a replacement dad; and by the time they reach 10 or 11, any new man in their mother's life is likely to be treated with outright hostility. Your lady friend may well be aware of that issue, and it may be something that is preventing her from making the break.

It really does sound as if you are the man that she wants. What's more, she doesn't want to share you with another woman. Even though you are forced to accept that you have to share her with her husband. This is a sad state of affairs for all concerned. Her husband is, presumably, unaware that she is cheating on him, but he would have to be pretty thick-skinned if he didn't sense that something isn't right. She is desperately unhappy to be stuck in a marriage to him, and you desperately want her for yourself. In the middle of this, there are children who cannot fail to see that things aren't right between their mum and dad, and are probably bewildered by an atmosphere that must be floating in the marital home like the stench of a blocked toilet!!! Someone has to make a break. She has to decide whether she wants to seek a divorce, run away with you, or forget you, and try to get on with her marriage. For you, the choices are simpler: continue as you are, or make a clean break and start a life without her. If the 2 of you continue to see each other, it's almost inevitable that you will get caught. I can't imagine what the consequences may be. Some men become violent, some become suicidal, and some act rationally, and discuss divorce like sensible human beings. Which of those appears on your capture is in the hands of the gods. Whatever else happens, someone is going to get hurt. If the 2 of you get caught, then everyone will be hurt, including the children. If you and she split up, it won't be the end of her misery, as the thing that drove to having an extramarital affair will still exist in her life. You will be miserable too. At least your misery will be temporary, as you are free and single, and can rebuild your life. If you choose this option, please don't get involved with a married woman again.

I don't think this has been a great deal of help to you, beyond setting out a few things in black and white. The 2 of you have to make some choices which no one on this forum can make for you.

Whatever happens, I wish you luck, and if you finish up together, I hope you have a long and happy life in love with each other.

Salma
commented Nov 7, 2015 by blueblood (120 points)
If she divorced shell get kids because they are still small ..one girl 11 years old and another 5 years old,afterwards i dont know court may fix the time to stay with children to both of them...im sure they will accept me as father...cause both kids comes to my home and plays with me..they became familiar to my home but she said 'im not daring to divorce' may be she is troubling to face society and relatives ....
But I don't get idea how's she will manage this..its really make me surprise how she loves me lot and still tolerating sex with her husband.. It makes me awkard ! How is this possible to her...i just can't imagine .. As a woman you should tell me how is this possible to her and she really loves me ?! I don't know what to do .....

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