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Dilemma about female friend. Why is she behaving like this?

asked Sep 22, 2015 in Questions by coolfriend (120 points)
edited Sep 22, 2015 by longhands1

Hello all,

I am posting for the first time here. I am a  30 year old married man and have a nice loving wife. Everything is going well between me and my wife.

My question is regarding one of my married female friend, who is 35 yr old. I came in contact with my female friend 1 year ago. We are messaging each other and talking all regular talks like work & family related. From her talk I have learned that she is having some problems with her husband and her personal life with her husband.

Some times, she messages me that she is missing me and all. I don’t have any dirty thing on my mind about her. But I would like to know that why she is behaving like this?

Thank you in advance for your responses.

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6 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
Might be she likes you and want emotional support from you as you are loving husband, you are lucky you can take advantage and arouse her, may be she get ready to laid with you. Their is nothing wrong in fulfilling her need , she may be sexually starved. Good luck
answered Sep 22, 2015 by Jhonsm (1,200 points)
commented Sep 23, 2015 by coolfriend (120 points)
Thanks for answer. But neither I have such intention for her nor I would like to as I dont want to get involve in such things..she is very nice friend of mine n trust me a lot. I just wanted to know is she is expecting anything from me or what could be other reason?
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You say your relationship with the other woman is platonic and sex has not crossed your mind. But don’t you think that by not informing your wife of this friendship, you are hiding something. If you are so confident that this relationship will remain where it is at the moment, then you would have informed your wife about it.

The dilemma is not the woman, the dilemma is in your head. You have an attachment (not visible to you) and the emotional instability of the woman can transgress into your space. What has been your reaction and response when she has said she missed you? It did make you feel nice. And that is the point. Since she has already admitted having relationship problems with her husband, and you provide a willing ear to her problems, she will start confiding in you.

You can draw a line, in which case she will lose her trust in you and stop confiding in you. You have to decide what you want.    

answered Sep 23, 2015 by longhands1 (80,430 points)
commented Sep 23, 2015 by coolfriend (120 points)
moved Sep 23, 2015 by prashant69
Thanks for reply longhands. I did not reacted the same way she msg me but I do feel that I have given some sort of emotional support to her and have not informed to my wife. I think I should limit myself now to avoid unnecessary problems. thanks again. also welcome reply from any other user here.
commented Sep 23, 2015 by prashant69 (7,040 points)

coolfriend, You are most welcome to express your feedback on the answers you have got but in the way of comments only. You being the questioner you can not 'answer' your own question. 

1 like 0 dislike

The other thing to consider is that this woman, dissatisfied with their own married life, may be attempting to relieve her misery by striking up a relationship with somebody else. That somebody else could be you!!! You have been a shoulder for her to cry on, and it's easy for a vulnerable person to form an attachment to somebody that shows them sympathy. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be sympathetic, quite the contrary, the lady needs someone that she can talk to. But you must make it very clear to her that you love your wife, and you have no intentions of anything other than friendship.You may feel that you have a platonic relationship with this lady, and as far as you are concerned, there is nothing in it beyond friendship, but if this is a case, have you introduced her to your life?

If your wife comes to know about this friendship, she may misinterpret it, and in that case your harmonious relationship could be put in jeopardy. You would be far better off having things out in the open, so that there is no chance that she could get the wrong idea. Sending text messages to each other looks suspicious, even when it isn't. And from what you tell us, some of the messages this lady has sent you could easily be misinterpreted. If I were you, I would introduce your wife to this lady, so that they can form a friendship. She could use your wife's shoulder to cry on instead of yours, and it would prevent any further risk to your own marriage.

It could be that her vulnerability has made her see you in terms that are inappropriate for two people are friends. Her dissatisfaction with her own marriage means that she is casting around for something better, even if she doesn't realise it herself. She is in fact, a prime candidate for an unscrupulous man to manipulate her into an extra marital affair, and if you were the type of man that would take advantage of a woman, knew could probably quite easily get her into bed. You say you have had no dirty thoughts about, make sure it stays that way. The consequences of an extramarital affair usually result in a tragedy that destroys two families, and two marriages.

Talk to your wife about her, in general terms, and say that she is a good friend, and she needs some help. If your wife is a kind and compassionate person, she may well try to help, and you can have a clear conscience because you will have done the right thing.



answered Sep 23, 2015 by sexysalma (14,995 points)
commented Sep 24, 2015 by coolfriend (120 points)
Thanks Salma for your valuable views & taking time on this matter.
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coolfriend,While reading your narration one word i stumbled upon is that you were not having any 'dirty' thing about her in your mind. Obviously we know what you meant by it! 

       You for sure referring to sexual feelings toward her! Even if it would have been the case how those could be dirty? You being married don't you do such' dirty' things with your wife? And if people would not have indulged in such 'dirty' business this world would not have been in existance. Morale of the story is do not consider sex as a dirty, sinful, shameful act..

       Now coming to your question  I think this woman already have been emotionally involved with you! She obviously have some trouble at home front no doubt. It could be sexual or as a human might not been getting due respect from her husband . He might have been taking her granted being his wife believing she is at her mercy and he can treat her the way he likes and in the process destroying her seelf respect, esteem,confidence etc 

      You by the God's grace came in contact with her and as she being your friend she found your  shoulder to cry on, to share her feelings and enjoying the way you have been treating her and so she keeps missing you. 

      It is now up to you to take it forward if you want to. You can enquire why she keeps missing you when she have got her legal partner at home etc. And ask her whether you are just  an emotional support  or anything more . But remember both of you are married and  if your sexual affair comes to  fore many innocent lives could be destroyed. But in my experience and opinion you very easily can have her. No sooner you will utter the oldest three words(viz I L U)of seduction she will fall for you. Remember the disclaimer however that  only you will be responsible for any of the consequences of your action. Take an informed decision.  

       And even if you proceed  to have an affair continue to be her best friend as of now. Else she will and she can find some other whom she would ' miss' in future. Best of luck . Keep us informed. 


answered Sep 24, 2015 by prashant69 (7,040 points)
edited Sep 24, 2015 by prashant69
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Coolfriend,

      Women generally needs emotional support. You mention that she has not that well relationship with her husband. Means their is some problem between them. You chat to her and discuss your work and daily life. You gave her your emotional support and whenever she might be sad she will says she is missing you. If someone is missing you it doesn't mean that she is demanding sex from you.

       If you are thinking that she gave you line to have sex then she will give you clear cut response. Just by saying she is missing you can't be sure that she want to be in your bed. Just wait and you will come to know. If she had no wrong thoughts like this and you ask her for sex you will loose your friend. So just take your time and enjoy your life.
answered Sep 24, 2015 by Manoj4u (6,180 points)
edited Sep 24, 2015 by prashant69
commented Sep 24, 2015 by coolfriend (120 points)
moved Sep 24, 2015 by prashant69
Thanks for your view Prashant. Dirty according to me is indulgence in sexual activities other than your legal partner.
commented Sep 24, 2015 by prashant69 (7,040 points)

Again you' answered' Yesterday also i have told you NOT to 'answer' your own question/s! 

commented Sep 24, 2015 by coolfriend (120 points)
i m new here so not aware much about it. Hope using correctly now :-)
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She seems to be like becomes emotionally dependence on you and let me tell you it will create problem to her and you as well. She might have problems in her personal life with her husband but being outsider it is not your business to look after her those problems. You may not have dirty thoughts in your mind but it will surely make you lose your focus from your married life. Stay away from her and start withdrawing yourself from her life for the betterment for your future with your wife. She will unquestionably make things work out with her husband on her own ways.
answered Sep 26, 2015 by alpesh kapdi (23,885 points)