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Is this normal Devar bhabhi relationship

asked May 17, 2015 in Questions by Akira07 (120 points)
edited May 19, 2015 by prashant69
I am a woman and my age is 33I am married for 8 yrs now .i knew my husband 5 yrs before marriage (but mostly long distance relationship) and had a love cum arranged marriage after a lot of convincing on both sides.Evenimmediately after   marriage i observed  he  had no interest in sex at all.He had no enthusiasm towards sex at all at night.It was mostly me who ttok initiative for sex  .during  our  marriage I found him very close to his bhabhi which he never mentioned ever.He did mention his brother and his relationship and how he wanted to work hard to support him n his brother was the world to him.which I understood .At first  I noticed porn sites on his laptop and few days later overheard him talking to his bhabhi over the phone about whereabouts of his brother put colors on him,what color petticoat and bra she was wearing ? After this we had a big fight and he apologised and said he had made a mistake.there after he has started talking behind my back when I m not there at all.when I spoke to his bhabhi the very same day she seemed normal and annoyed at his behaviour they tend to hide n talk.and he tells her that his wife doesn't like it so he prefers talking behind me...i have even found his bills stating 30 calls a day to her number ...but no explanation ....
Now after he being caught again having nude pictures on his phone he avoided talking to his bhabhi now she has started creating a scene in front of her husband that her devar is not calling her cause of me...
Please  suggest am I being  over suspious or is it a normal behaviour for husband ...what is it?
We don't seem to have sex for months although he sleeps next to me but no interest ...what was the point of remaining married  then?
commented May 20, 2015 by Akira07 (120 points)
edited May 20, 2015 by prashant69
Thank you everyone for your thoughts....will talk to bhabhi directly about this cause now she is running behind

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7 Answers

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Dear Akira,
          No, this is not a normal behavior between a man and his bhabhi or a woman and her devar. I'm sorry at your situation. If getting a divorce is an option then you can fight, see if he correct his behavior and if he doesn't corrects himself you can leave. But, in case you want to work on your relation and save it, though difficult approach him in a way a friend would. Try to get to the bottom of the situation and make him speak out by being friendly, funny, joking and humorous. Act as if you are ok with this and then he may start speaking out. That way, he'll speak out everything and then taking advantage of that, slowly you can mould him. And this approach may also bring him closer to you. But know that this is not easy and will take lot of time and careful steps.
answered May 19, 2015 by sadiq_khan (1,030 points)
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Hi akira, i am sorry for your married life.
(I Hope so u live together in the same house or in the same building, if not then read the
advice section alone)

In India it is normal for a devar to get attracted towards his babhi.

What i meant by attraction is,most of the men see babhi as their second mother and some men see their babhi as  their half wife,but in your case it seems your husband has fallen under second category,and it seems he see's his babhi as his first wife and u r second.


it is difficult for you to change your husband and babhi's behaviour because, i feel they have already tasted the forbidden fruit.  

What you should do now is,move friendly with both of them,take good care of both of them,dont interfere in their personal issues (however close they are),dont create any scene, do some kinky stuffs with your husband in bed, wait patiently for the right time,at an appropriate time change the house and move far away from babhi's place,on the last day of leaving  the house steal your babhi,s sim card and destroy it (won't help much but can get u some time for you to get closer with your Hubby).

Once u changed the house and your husband still has some relationship with his babhi,sit and talk with him and make him understand how important he is for your life, if he still doesn't change his attitude do the following.


Threaten your babhi that you will expose the relationship to her husband

Threaten your husband that you will expose the relationship to the society

expose the relationship to your babhi's family and to your in-law's family

give family counseling to both of them.

Take your husband to a good doctor and give him good counseling
Threaten your husband for divorce
if you r educated,working,and have faith and guts to lead an independent life, divorce him.

If you cannot do that,then there is no other option u will have to share your bed with your babhi in future (prepare your mind for it).

I hope so, by threatening your husband or babhi itself  will do the needful for u to re-unit with your husband.


answered May 19, 2015 by Rubber88boy (440 points)
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Dear Akira,

                        This is complex situation what you have described over here about your husband and your bhabhi. Bhabhi and devar having a close relationship like freinds and brother&sister is very common but the one you entioned about having nude photos in the mobile is highly unccommon.And another aspect is that whether your husband brother knows about it or not.

                         Secondly about him being uninterested in sex there can be other reasons also like stress,work pressure etc. and having pornsites in laptop it's also common for men and women to watch porn.

                           But the main thing over here is that how you handle the situation.You have to handle the situation very maturely.First talk with your husband about everything have a complete one to one discussion on a table and also talk with your bhabhi about everything.It's you who has to decide that what decision you have to take.If it comes out that your husband and bhabhi were in a relationship and he now want's to be with you then it's you who has to decide what to do.And about him being uninterested in sex talk to him if needed then take the help of a marriage counsellor or a sexpert or take a vacation for some intimacy like a second honeymoon.

                            And just remember take your decision wisely.
answered May 19, 2015 by akb60 (145 points)
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Certainly not a normal behavior.

Neither is it abnormal/bad in itself.

Going by your decription, I assume your husband has had the Bhabhi fixation even before you got married. He has a strong Bhabhi fetish, and somehow his bhabhi is also enjoying the attention & a party to this.

So either you take a stand and get a divorce.


Accept his fetish and perhaps take part in it along with your husband. I know this is absurd/surreal, but if you think your marriage is worth saving then, this might just help.

Talk to his bhabhi and tell her you are ok with her, as long as things are out in the open and they do stuff in front of you. Try arranging your bhabhi to have sex with your husband and join them. Surprise your husband by your willingness to share in his fetish/passion. Keep an open mind. You could also arrange for a wife swap party between the brothers.


Let them carry on, be understanding, live with the marriage and find your enjoyment outside the marriage.


Drag your husband to a psychologist and get therapy, if that can work.

All the best.
answered May 19, 2015 by kinkyguy (1,415 points)
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I hope the issue is resolved,
Pls keep us posted on how thins moved on.

Take practical appr
answered May 27, 2015 by confusedmind (130 points)
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Dear Akira
I am sure you won't like my answer.

Since you have posted the question that doesn't mean there are no issues from your side.
Why would your husband go for love marriage when he was having affair(that's what u think), he could have gone for arrange marriage girl chosen by his babhi.As you have mentioned your marriage happened by lot of convincing from both sides. If his babhi had an affair with him, she could have easily influenced his family against the marriage.
If your husband is not having sex with your very often, there may be something in you with which he is not comfortable.You are the better person to know why he is not attracted to you sexually.
Are you able to satisfy him?.
The foundation of any relationship is trust which at present you don't have. Try rebuild your relationship again, if possible move to another city with your husband,learn to satisfy your husband on bed, things will improve.
answered May 29, 2015 by dev0112 (245 points)
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I don't think that it is a normal Devar-Bhabhi relationship.
Although there have been many instances of Devar-Bhabhi falling in love and getting intimate. Your husband might be in a same relationship with his Bhabhi. Let him continue talking with his Bhabhi and don't interfere in their matter.
Collect enough evidence to support their relationship. Then if you wish, go to a lawyer and give him divorce notice.
answered May 15, 2016 by maya75n (655 points)

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