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Is fanatsy play during sex right or wrong?

asked Dec 1, 2014 in Questions by marathicpl32 (230 points)
edited Dec 3, 2014 by longhands1

I dont really know how to put this forward to you all. Recently me and my wife are having a few problems in our sexual life. Let me describe ourselves briefly. We are a maharastrian coulpe from Mumbai in our 30s. I am 33 and she is 31. We have been married for 8 yrs and have one child. We both are working.

Lately, say about 5-6 months ago, I initiated experimenting with our sex life. Before you get any ideas, let me clarify that we are not into an open marriage stuff or wife swapping etc, but just to add spice, I initiated talking about other people during sex. (fantasy and  lover type thing ). We went through good and bad of this, Initially there was hesitance from her side, then we got used to it. It was fun. We both enjoyed it in good measure. My wife being a typical Indian woman , will not accept openly.

The problem now is, that we are so used to this that we just can't have normal sex without fantasizing. This is more in my case, and partially in hers. Sex per se is not satisfying. Have we tried something wrong? What do we do now?

I would like people with similar problem or experiences to help us with their advice. Thank you for talking time reading, even if this is repeated, I havent come across the same stuff.


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8 Answers

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Hi marathicpl32

It is very common thing being practice by many partners or couples to spice up their or enhance their love life more. As per my knowledge it shouldn't effect you but as you said you guys become very much habitual of it that you can't enjoy without it i think it is in your brain that you cannot imagine your wife as her when intimating you make her imagine of someone which she is not the problem lies in you. you are already married for 8 years and have kids as well which make physical connection hard or not as enjoyable. i suggest talk to your wife get out of house go for outing plan some hill station trip. use different while having sex when kids at home try to use bathroom, storeroom etc when kids not home use dining area kitchen balcony etc. Try to make her feel she is still hot as she use to hug her kiss her touch her in private places whenever you get time inside or outside this will bring a certain change in your dull sex life without role playing.If you want a role play do where she dont find herself lost her identity for example ask her to be person before marriage when you guys never met , or both of you be underage kids who even dont know what is sex, ask her to be dominating towards you and you be submissive or vice versa. Take her by suprise and fuck her and most important do a lot of foreplay try to give each other naked massage. hopefully things will get better but dont try to make something like ashwariya or katrina kind and only do things which she like. i would also suggest try anal for change that different feeling from vaginal sex.
answered Dec 2, 2014 by stallion87 (345 points)
selected Dec 4, 2014 by marathicpl32
commented Dec 4, 2014 by marathicpl32 (230 points)
thank you for your comment , you have came up with some good ideas , but you can understand , having a kid , n being a normal middleclass working cpl there are many problems abt privacy and time , and sometimes its really hard to even take her out for a dinner even though i really want to . thats how like is in metros . but i would surly try some of your suggestions
commented Dec 4, 2014 by stallion87 (345 points)
i do understand your situation as i am also middle class guy working and sharing family responsibilities are very hard tasks but i will say you are  good husband who is trying to give his wife pleasure. As you said she is typical indian women i know its hard but ask  her what she likes where she wanted to be touched as a person always knows about them much more other than us. I will suggest try blind sex with eyes covered of your partner where she dont know what is coming to her that creats a another level of excitement and i know its hard but try to cook food for her sometime she will love it and dude you will get a solid action best of luck
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Dear Marathicpl

I think it's very thoughtful of u to try something new to spice up ur sexual life. I must say u have got very understanding wife. Well generally male tends to fantasize visual sexual stimulation during sex. So it's normal for u to fantasize while sex. Since ur wife is aware of this u should try to implement those fantasies if possible. Sex related problems are mostly psychological ones. It's ur fear that make them worst. Most male do fantasizes during sexual activity. So  Just take it easy and enjoy.

answered Dec 2, 2014 by Diwash (815 points)
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Fantasy means ‘which comes from one’s imagination’ therefore, fantasy word itself indicates that it is imaginary and imagination would not harmful anyway. Moreover, you both are doing what most of the couples doing these days to add spice in their sexual life so in that sense you are not alone. There is nothing wrong to take someone’s name when you are having sex or playing role-play as far as you both are remains faithful to each other. What you need to do is just make a boundary. If she is not contented then you should not force her to comply with your fancy as she has a right to reject. You have been married from last 8 years so it is natural that you both need something new to spice up your sex life and fantasy is the best tool to use. Discuss your idea of fantasy with your wife and try to know her willingness to follow it. Mutual understanding is the key.
answered Dec 2, 2014 by alpesh kapdi (28,935 points)
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Well you did nothing wrong. You mentioned that you have been married for 8 years. After such a long time passion trends to fade a bit and ya using fantasise will help. My suggestion is try more new stuff. Nothing like wife swap or open marriage but try role playing. She can be your airhostess you can be a pilot. You can pretend to be a robber when she is alone at home. Use your imagination. Sex is like science. The more you experiment the more you will learn and more fun. Try new things and see the passion return. Happy humping.

answered Dec 2, 2014 by Panja (130 points)
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Hi marathicpl!
Sex is a marvellous experience. And human nature wants variety in all, including sex. To spice up the action finds various activities. Extreme of it are wife swapping, groupy etc. But society is not so open and free. So we peep into others sexual activities. Or we think ourselves as others. These are fantasies. So fantasizing is nothing wrong.
Enjoy and add spice to your sexual activities with as much imagination as you both have. Your wife will also surely love it and mould in your grove. Enjoy!
answered Dec 2, 2014 by sharpcurve (820 points)
commented Dec 3, 2014 by marathicpl32 (230 points)

Thank you guys for commenting  , i generally agree with you that , fantasy playing is normal n no harm but , my concern is, we (wife) also getting so much into it , that what if we get hooked to it? Or what if knowingly or unknowingly we do something that we may have to regret later. ? I know in our society even though we are getting westernized day by day still this is new to us, fantasy,experiments n open marriage. Not saying we are going to do it but , it starts from fantasy only , that is why im thinking , that should i continue n risk or should I stop it , and how


(Since you have asked the should post only comments...not answers).

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there is nothing bad about fantasizing ,but as you are saying that you are getting used to it .So what i suggest you that you can try try other things like reading sex stories,watch porn movie or talking dirty.which will be different from what are you doing now and after sometime you may leave the habit of fantisizing.
Happy sex life !!
answered Dec 2, 2014 by UnderCover_Agent (145 points)
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hi marathicpl32 the thing what you are doing is 50% wrong and 50% correct according to me because it is the starting point to have all the western culture on which you are afraid of and if you are ok for that it is not at all a problem and i assure that u end with wife swapping and do all the western culture so u have to decide on this we can give only a suggestion on this nothing more than that

answered Dec 3, 2014 by abhi14343 (1,915 points)
commented Dec 4, 2014 by marathicpl32 (230 points)
thank you for commenting , i know its like playing with fire but then with all due respect to our culture , as a married cpl we need to have sexual needs fulfilled also , i we neglect it , and suppose either of us get so frustrated that lose interest in our relationship , then also there is a possibility of either of us getting into a extra marital affair , what is other solution ?
commented Dec 6, 2014 by abhi14343 (1,915 points)
There is no other solution for this just your mutual understanding is the other way for not having extramarital affairs, according to me you will not be  stopping  with this u sure will  try for swapping also in future.
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A sexual fantasy is a mental representation of any kind of sexual activity. It would be naive to believe that none of us fantasize during sex. At some time or the other we all fantasize either verbally or secretly. Otherwise sex would be mechanical and boring.

Fantasies can be positive or negative. While some fantasies can be fleeting, some can be elaborate. Some might find it pleasurable to fantasize about sex with their partners, other people's partners, animals, all sorts of combinations. Some people may think it's wrong to fantasize about sex at all, about certain kinds of sex, or about sex with certain people.

Men are much more likely to fantasize, or to admit to fantasizing, than women, since you have also noticed and admitted. Some men have sexual fantasies many times each day, while others can go for weeks without one.  Fantasies, does not mean that one wants to carry out those fantasies in real life. It could be just to pep up your sex life and add a little spice to it. It on no way means that ones loves his/her partner any less when one fantasizes.

Your fear that fantasies can also lead to the next level are also true. Sex rarely stagnates and we want more. This is rightly your area of concern. You seem to be more worried about your wife asking for the real thing sometime later on in the relationship. This only you can judge and provide answers.

Rather than talk about lovers, what you can do is role play with masks and wigs and blind folds. Give rein to your imagination. Talk dirty during sex. Role playing is a great way to add variety, spice, and excitement to your sex life. Communication and talking about your fantasies or role playing ideas is a good starting point for you both.  

One TIP. Do not talk about what you fantasize at other times. Leave it only for the bedroom and sex time.  

answered Dec 4, 2014 by longhands1 (93,375 points)
commented Dec 4, 2014 by marathicpl32 (230 points)
thank you for your comment . i dont know may be i do have that fear ,to a some extent . but i have tried some other stuff you said , but this one really gets us on , somewhere i want to continue this experiment but dont want to cross the line ,

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