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Parents want me to live with a roommate and later get married. What to do?

asked Apr 23, 2014 in Questions by jacky569 (130 points)
I will be going to Germany for Masters. My parents want me to stay there in a live-in relationship with a girl who is my father's friend's daughter. She too is going to the same university but is one year older than me.

I have not met her in person but my father says she is good natured and will care for me. He wants me to later marry her after we are settled.  Can this relation cause any problem. Is the one year gap okay?
commented Apr 23, 2014 by zena69 (1,825 points)
It depends how you two fit in this new arrangement. But it is not clear whether your parents want you to share a house there with her or a room (the latter sounds unusual!).

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dear jacky569

1) first of all as you said you haven't met the girl, my advise would be first meet the girl. No harm is going to be caused in meeting the girl and getting to know each other. Give a chance to this proposal made by your father and meet that girl, later you can always decide whether to go ahead with this or not.

2) you like this girl or not, you will come to know about this in one or two months itself. No need to stay in live-in relationship for the whole duration of your M.S. program.

3) Marriage is your decision. She is a good girl or bad girl has nothing to do with your marriage. You should get married only when you feel that you are ready.

4) Lastly one year gap will absolutely not affect anything in marriage.

Take Care.
answered Apr 23, 2014 by mrohit655 (390 points)
selected Apr 23, 2014 by jacky569
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Do not do anything against your wishes or you will repent all your life. Your father is not going to marry the girl, you are. So you have to decide. Since you both are going to the same University, it makes sense to stay together, to cut costs and have someone from your own country to lean back on.

What you can do, is to first meet the girl before you leave for Germany and talk to her. Keep marriage in mind, when you are conversing and finding out about her personality and nature. Find out from her what she thinks of the arrangements of staying together. Staying on the campus but seperately is a better option.

It is really surprising that your parents want you both to live together without marriage. Make no mistake, living together for such a long time will lead to sex, unless you both are so strong willed and can control your passions. Why don't you talk to your parents and ask them to arrange a meeting and if things are fine, you can both get engaged before you leave for Germany. This way you will ensure there is less gossip from friends and relatives that you both are staying together. If you are not able to meet (if she is staying in another State), then you can exchange photos and can talk on the phone. Get connected together on a Sosial Site, where you can view each other and chat.

Your worries about her bring a year older are unfounded. One year difference is not such an issue. But again, you will need to find out her views on this. 

Do you permamently intend settling in Germany? Actually you are too young to think of marriage just now. Do your Masters and then decide about marriage. Make it known to your parents and especially the girl that you will take a call on marriage only in 2 years time. All the Best. 

answered Apr 23, 2014 by longhands1 (80,460 points)

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